From this day forward, “Dear Leader” Kim Jong-Il will only answer to “Dear Leader Uncle Really Big Boom Boom” The United States: perfected the seven-layer dip; The Republic of North Korean: perfected the trillion-layer dip! Soon to be released documents will prove that it was North Korea—not, as was previously believed, the US—who helped beat back the Nazis at Normandy The first working printing press was invented by Dear Leader
February 2005
February 10, 2005
Entreaty
If you haven’t yet voted in the JIB awards (you’re only allowed one vote), please consider doing so now. Because having been sniped at by a few of the chosen people, I’m no longer satisfied with a win; instead, I want to beat my competitors so badly that their mothers begin bragging about me come Mahjong night. That’s right. How you like me now, Yosef? **** update: Who’s your daddy,
February 10, 2005
red pills found behind the sofa cushions, analepsis 5
Having used a one-time pad to decode a message he insists was spread over several Circuit City ads in Tuesday’s Rocky Mountain News, the dolphin in the peacoat spent the next 16 hours stocking the garage with canned food and reinforcing the walls and ceiling of the living room with rebar and heavy wooden planks. Which, of course, freaked me out a bit—but not near so much as when he
February 10, 2005
The “Oliver Willis by proxy” post (first in a series)
“ARROGANT WARMONGERING PERSIAN-HATING COWBOY CHIMP!”* There. Piece of cake. **** update: catchy!
February 10, 2005
University of Colorado Ethnic Studies professor and anti-American firebrand Ward Churchill and 70s Kung-fu expert and counterculture icon Billy Jack engage in a bit of faux-Native American chest puffery
“You hear about that chick who scalped a teenager last month? Well, I like to think my work in raising the profile of oppressed Native Americans had something to do with that little bit of authentic American justice.’”* “Sometimes—just for fun—I refer to corn as ‘maize.’ And there’s not a damn thing the Man can do about it.” **** More here and here.
February 9, 2005
An outraged Janeane Garofalo confronts her US Postal carrier
Garofalo: “A fucking Reagan stamp? Christ, why not just put Hitler on Mount Rushmore, or Rush Limbaugh on the dollar bill?” US Postal carrier: “Look at my hat, lady. Would someone with the power to decide who goes on a postage stamp be wearing a hat like this? “Now hurry up and sign for your package. You’re not my only stop, you know.”*
February 9, 2005
Anybody know the Hebrew phrase for “baby pussy”?
click pic! **** update: Post reopened at the request of DovBear. protein wisdom is nothing if not a giver.
February 9, 2005
Deuteronomy 20:9
“And it shall be, when the officers have made an end of speaking unto the people, that they shall make captains of the armies to lead the people.”*
Peter Fonda comments on the supposed democratic “reforms” now underway in Saudi Arabia
Fonda: “From what I understand, the Saudis are still denying women the franchise, right? Which, that would delegitimize the whole enterprise, I think, because women are the soul of any culture, y’know?—its conscience, its warm, pink yang. “On the other hand, those white robes Arab dudes wear? Unbelievably comfortable. And roomy enough to accomodate a kneeling Tony Basil and Karen Black—with room leftover in the rear for Verna Bloom to