In this, the “year of action,” a certain pea-coated dolphin friend of mine — who I must say has been given to drastic mood swings of late, something which is so completely out of character with him as to be sometimes almost physically jarring to me — showed up tonight unannounced with rare-steak Pho and a bottle of plum wine, over which we shared a pleasant evening of idle chit
red pills found behind the sofa cushions
May 1, 2014
red pills behind the sofa cushions (procatalepsis, 4)
Readying oneself for the fall of an empire is no easy feat, particularly when you’re surrounded by the constant told-you-sos of strung out ex-agency beets (who weren’t nearly as paranoid as I’d once thought them to be) and a Sea Monkey King who it turns out was correct when he told us that he could do a better job of running the US government than “some Manchurian douche who fluffs
November 11, 2008
red pills behind the sofa cushions (procatalepsis, 3)
I know I said he wasn’t my monkey, but for a presumptuous interloper, he’s not only been keeping the bathroom clean and pitching in on the rent, but he sure does the whole cuddle thing well. In fact, with those teeth and that build, having him spoon you is lot like being comforted by a hairy British midget, albeit with the hand strength of a Swedish massage therapist. And with
April 7, 2008
red pills found beneath the sofa cushions, shorty 2
It’s one thing to take a clinically depressed ex-agency beet out for a couple drinks and Disney on Ice — either out of the goodness of your heart, or with the hope that a leggy, half-frozen chick in a twinkling foam Nemo head might take his mind off of Caspian Sea pipeline conspiracies, or (at the very least) keep him away from the Smack until that next manila envelope stuffed
November 5, 2007
protein wisdom: the update (or, red pills found behind the sofa cushions, tentative itinerary)
I’ll be back posting later this week from the YAF leadership convention (which happens to correspond with Freedom Week). Look for the liveblogging to begin Thursday late, or Friday early. Meantime, because my mother-in-law will be flying in from Utah to watch Satch while my wife and I are busy stealing hotel towels from Fess Parker’s Doubletree, I’ve been hard at work getting the place cleaned up, which involves not
September 5, 2007
Thanks!
1. To Ann Kellett, for the Living in Oblivion DVD. Believe it or not, I’ve never seen the film — though I’ve heard many good things about it. And with Steve Buscemi, you can hardly go wrong. 2. Thanks also to those of you who provided your advice and guidance with respect to my sudden major appliance needs. Looks like I’ll be going with the Frigidaire Affinity washer / dryer
August 10, 2007
red pills behind the sofa cushions (procatalepsis, 2)
That is definitely not my monkey — first, because my monkey wears a platinum hoop earring and Japanese man clogs, and would rather his parochial school teacher happen upon him in a utility closet tugging his monkey dork to a poster of Raven Symone than be caught in a Member’s Only jacket, listening to a-ha!; and second, he can’t even drive stick. Although I’ll admit, the resemblance is uncanny. —
March 13, 2007
red pills behind the sofa cushions, analepsis 16
In a retro-Buddhist show of opposition to “the social cons’ criminal War on Drugs,” the Sea Monkey king—already high on homemade Sangria, two Percocet tablets, and the handful of roaches he was able to sift out of a patio ashtray recently unearthed by a much-needed Colorado thaw—doused himself with lighter fluid and threatened self-immolation if I didn’t order him a large bucket of hot wings (extra spicy) and some beer-battered
February 8, 2007
red pills found behind the sofa cushions, analepsis 15
At first blush, my purchase of an iRobot Roomba Discovery seemed a fairly innocuous domestic gesture—I mean, sure, I’m introducing artificial intelligence into an already potentially volatile environment, one overrun with strung-out sugar beets and a megalomaniacal Sea monkey king; but it’s not like the thing doesn’t have an on/off switch, right?—and yet I have to admit that, since its first halting jerks along the floor of the great room,
November 29, 2006
protein wisdom: the triumphant return post (procatalepsis)
Eh, give it about another week or so. And no, you still can’t use my Kithchen Aid Ultra blender. The last time somebody commandeered that thing in my absence, I spent several tedious hours plucking anejo-bloated grub worm bits out of the blade shaft. Not only that, but a couple of ex-agency beets went missing, too—a “logistical” snafu that continues to cause my dolphin friend no end of trouble. —Though