Our trees scream out, “a Jew hides behind me!” Too bad they can’t quite spot missiles yet…
The protein wisdom original poems
January 6, 2014
“decade: a haiku”
For Satchel, on his 10th birthday. Ten years ago you came crying into our lives. We’ve smiled ever since. **** Happy birthday, son. Your mother and I love you and couldn’t be prouder of the young man you’ve become.
September 3, 2013
an obligatory Tim Tebow haiku
‘Bye, Tim. As the sun sets on your dream, look North: God likes Canada, too!
August 19, 2013
a haiku that, for no reason whatever, imagines Ronald Reagan as Barack Obama
“Freedom ain’t passed through the blood stream. Unless you buy the good shit and snort it.”
August 8, 2013
Let’s play, “gauge the mood at protein wisdom”!
Your clue comes in the form of a limerick. First to correctly assess the mood wins. The prize being the satisfaction of having won. Ready? Here we go. There once was a man from Nantucket Whose face was so long he could tuck it down into his Levis — or with socks, maybe knee highs — Either way, you know what? Fuck Obama.
July 29, 2013
A haiku that, for no reason whatever, imagines Patrick Henry as cyber stud (and Mayoral candidate) “Carlos Danger”
“Give me liberty or give me death! Though texts of my junk works, too.”
October 10, 2012
The “1984-now, Elisabeth Shue looks fantastic!” haiku
Elisabeth Shue still looks fantastic! While me, my balls now sag. Life’s not fair.
July 9, 2012
The Lapsed Prude’s confession haiku, 2
During the summer I ogle in good conscience. Because, well, tube tops.
January 6, 2012
I get emails, redux
From erstwhile Moby “RyanBacon,” who doesn’t much like that he can’t get back on to comment under his latest identity: Jeff, I hate to break it to you, but your little circle of sycophants is suffering from some serious PMS. I think you’re all beginning to realize that yes, Romney will be your nominee, as soon as he disposes of Santorum and Gingrich. Gosh, that’s a funny sentence to write.
September 15, 2011
the "my morning coffee" poem
My morning coffee poem is a love poem dedicated to the release I feel when a hefty loaf is pinched off just so.