Not me.  In fact, I’d be content just to rule, say, Trenton, New Jersey—provided it has a Sizzler and a decent strip club.  But then, I’ve never been terribly ambitious, either. “Everybody Wants To Rule the World,” Tears for Fears.

You were a gigolo, I think you mean.  Now you’re just a confused-looking middle-aged guy in inappropriately tight pants. “Just a Gigolo,” David Lee Roth

for Diana Ross You know, I’m really beginning to regret the whole stupid one glove      thing, Bubbles. And all that drunken little boy sex?  Man, what a PR disaster that’s      turned into…

Thanks, but if it’s all the same to you I think I’m just gonna, y’know, keep it.  Man. Red Hot Chili Peppers, “Give It Away”

Sure, but that was back in, what, 1983…?  That small cafe is now an Autozone, and the only reason you’d pass it as shadows fall these days is if you’re in the market for some crank or a $25 blowjob from a tranny hooker. “Always Something There to Remind Me,” Naked Eyes (original by Burt Bacharach/Hal David)

Uh huh.  And I’m hot for the counter girl at Heavenly Ham.  What’s your point?  “Hot for Teacher,” Van Halen

What the fuck is a ‘speedball,’ anyway?  Do you mean fastball?  Because if so, that’s just sad, man… “Glory Days,” Bruce Springsteen

I had that same dream.  Only in my dream, the rowboat becomes a 1966 Corvette convertible 4-speed, and instead of doing a load of laundry, the chick dresses up like Little Bo Peep and begs me to spank her with an undercooked lamb chop. Matthew Wilder, “Break My Stride”

So.  Buy yourself some chaps and a hat and get to it, then.  Just keep your spurs off my couch. “I Wanna Be A Cowboy,” Boys Don’t Cry …you’re welcome, Ash

Nope, sorry lady. This train goes to Albuquerque.  Dennis DeYoung, “Desert Moon”