9 OTHER chest-thumping announcements North Korea is set to make this week*
From this day forward, “Dear Leader” Kim Jong-Il will only answer to “Dear Leader Uncle Really Big Boom Boom”
The United States: perfected the seven-layer dip; The Republic of North Korean: perfected the trillion-layer dip!
Soon to be released documents will prove that it was North Korea—not, as was previously believed, the US—who helped beat back the Nazis at Normandy
The first working printing press was invented by Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il’s great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great Grandfather sometime during the Cenozoic era—but when subduction destroyed the Tethys ocean, this important technological advance was lost to history in a collision of tectonic plates
The man you call “Jesus Christ”? Real name: Hyun Shin Yong
At university, Dear Leader once did 6 beer bongs, 14 shots of Mezcal, and an entire 8 ball, then went out and bowled a perfect game. Blindfolded
In 1975, a North Korean 4-year old named Jin-ho defeated both Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky in a best of seven chess match. Jin-ho then returned to her family’s farm, where she helped plant rice and weave baskets
In a super secret January ceremony, Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il took as one of his wives the Constitutional lawyer and conservative pundit Ann Coulter, who pleases Dear Leader often with her crazy American-style humpy humpy
… but when Dear Leader Kim’s new wife Ann Coulter said “Kimmy Punkin, I’d like a numba sixty-nine…” he replied “ Ok.. I give you numba sixty-nine.. but why you want an orda Kim Chi and Bulgogi ?”
Ok..It was funnier when he said it.. I guess you just had to be there..
PS.. Didnt Ward Churchill claim to be 1/64th Korean on his father’s side?
Little known fact: Though the North Korean military is devoting a great portion of the country’s GDP toward a space-based giant ‘laser’ system, it’s still forbidden to call Kim Jong-Il “Mini-Mao”.
I wonder if a North Korean will defeat anyone at chess in our lifetimes. I suppose the nuclear physicists and some of the party officials might have a chance, but most of the citizens are spilling IQ points all over the floor from the rampant malnutrition.
Okay. Just so I don’t sound like the idiot that I am is it pronounced try-bing or trib-ing? I’d ask long I or short but I suspect that would get us way off topic.
Diana, I wasn’t correcting you, just explaining why I think Mojo came up with the translation he got (which had to be Babelfish, no? unless he’s a genius at simulated Babelfish translation).
Kim Jong-Il would no doubt prefer a bit of frottage to go with all of the tribing. Just something for Mistress Diane and her love slaves to keep in mind…
I’m only disappointed that I had to be the one to bring up massive anal penetration of Ann Marie Cox. After seeing Ann Coultier’s body being exploited (as a good thing), I was sure we’d get some good Wonkette riding humor.
O/T, but since the buttsex was mentioned in the last comment, I figured I should throw out a thought I just had:
If Honest Abe was gay, should there be a paradigm shift in our slang where the old (and if I may say, gob-smackingly vile) phrase is changed to “queer as a five dollar bill,” or not? Because that would be major, wouldn’t it?
Is it spamming to say “BEND OVER BABE” again?
[keyword “butt” I swear!]
… but when Dear Leader Kim’s new wife Ann Coulter said “Kimmy Punkin, I’d like a numba sixty-nine…” he replied “ Ok.. I give you numba sixty-nine.. but why you want an orda Kim Chi and Bulgogi ?”
Ok..It was funnier when he said it.. I guess you just had to be there..
PS.. Didnt Ward Churchill claim to be 1/64th Korean on his father’s side?
Little known fact: Though the North Korean military is devoting a great portion of the country’s GDP toward a space-based giant ‘laser’ system, it’s still forbidden to call Kim Jong-Il “Mini-Mao”.
I wonder if a North Korean will defeat anyone at chess in our lifetimes. I suppose the nuclear physicists and some of the party officials might have a chance, but most of the citizens are spilling IQ points all over the floor from the rampant malnutrition.
Great Caesar’s ghost responds:
“Mater tua criceta fuit, et pater tuo redoluit bacarum sambucus.”
Next golf game … 100% holes-in-one.
Again in English mojo? I think you’re calling someone’s father a sambuca shot. Which can’t be right.
You won’t believe what he’s calling his mother!
“Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries.”
Yeah, I have no life…
YEA … tribbing!
All right, I give up. What’s tribbing?
Borges sumus. Resistere inutile est.
*
Just a lighter alternative to felching ……
Hmmm…I’ll take a stab at that one, mojo: We are a mystical Latin American novelist. Resistance is futile.
Thank you Mistress Diana, I have achieved enlightenment.
Yeah, I thought it should be “Borgii sumus”, myself.
But then, I failed Latin. I’m so ashamed…
de Musset
…. or Kim Jong-Il!
Why did my heart drink so quickly?
What do I thus have in me which is agitated I feel epouvante?
Doesn’t one strike has my door?
Why my lamp half died Me eblouit of clarte?
Piussant God! all my body shivers.
Who comes? who calls me? – Nobody.
I is alone, it is the hour which sounds;
O loneliness! O poverty!
Pretty darned good!
ΑÀοÄελÎÂÃμαÄα αναζήÄηÃη για:ÃŽâ€ÃŽÂµÃŽÂ½ βÃÂÃŽÂθηκαν λÎÂξειÂ
Thank you.
Hey, pal, I told you –
I DON’T DO GREEK!
OOOOhhhhh! Fuck you too !
“American-style humpy humpy” is–and will always be–the best kind of humpy humpy.
And don’t you believe Howard Dean if he tries to tell you different.
Yeeeeeessshhh! PW just crashed from here right after my last post.
Jeff, JW – I’m really, really, really, really sorry!
<Are the language police still around? Was it the French?>
Why does my heart pound so quickly?
What is it that so startles me
that I feel faint?
Does someone not knock at my door?
Why does my half-extinguished lamp
blossom into brightness?
Powerful God. My whole body trembles.
Who comes? Who calls me? No one
I am alone, it is the hour which sounds
O solitude! O poverty!
That’s a quick loose translation anyway. My spambuster is “person”—perhaps, “personne”?
Sorry, Mojo – the rough translation “It is really rude to speak in foreign tongues that others don’t understand. Please stop it. Now.” Thank you.
I DON’T DO FRENCH!
He feel so ronery
Babelfish won’t translate “piussant” because the vowels are reversed. Should be “puissant,” which I believe loosely translates as “pissant.”
What can you do with a poet!
Rough translation of the piece:
“I’ve not got a f**ing friend in the world! … and I’m shaking in my boots and bluffing out of my nose!”
Gail – you’re right – it was a typo
JW—I do French
[keyword “made” yeah!]
Ooh, yeah, Ann Coulter…I like them skinny. That is why I put everybody on a diet.
The things I learn here….
Okay. Just so I don’t sound like the idiot that I am is it pronounced try-bing or trib-ing? I’d ask long I or short but I suspect that would get us way off topic.
Never mind. Double b short i.
Diana, I wasn’t correcting you, just explaining why I think Mojo came up with the translation he got (which had to be Babelfish, no? unless he’s a genius at simulated Babelfish translation).
Yeah, that’s it, what she said – I’se a GEEnius…
Now, I’m off to finish translating old Firesign Theater bits into Linear A.
Just because.
Kim Jong-Il would no doubt prefer a bit of frottage to go with all of the tribing. Just something for Mistress Diane and her love slaves to keep in mind…
I’m only disappointed that I had to be the one to bring up massive anal penetration of Ann Marie Cox. After seeing Ann Coultier’s body being exploited (as a good thing), I was sure we’d get some good Wonkette riding humor.
O/T, but since the buttsex was mentioned in the last comment, I figured I should throw out a thought I just had:
If Honest Abe was gay, should there be a paradigm shift in our slang where the old (and if I may say, gob-smackingly vile) phrase is changed to “queer as a five dollar bill,” or not? Because that would be major, wouldn’t it?
I’m just saying is all…