Chapter 22: America’s Funniest Home Videos Chapter 1.  Chapter 2.  Chapter 3.  Chapter 4.  Chapter 5.  Chapter 6.  Chapter 7.  Chapter 8.  Chapter 9. Chapter 10.  Chapter 11.  Chapter 12.  Chapter 13.  Chapter 14.  Chapter 15.  Chapter 16.  Chapter 17.  Chapter 18. Chapter 19.  Chapter 20.  Chapter 21.      “When you left,” Liz began, “I was upset.  Robin and Roger were getting drunk and frisky, and so was I.”      “Boone’s Farm

Rather:  “…Because as they say down in Tuscaloosa, you can’t roast the pork without first burping the pig…”

Burkett.  Mapes.  Barnes.  Van Os. And now…donk cyberflack Joshua Micah Friggin’ Marshall…? Time will tell, I suppose.  …And here I was thinking Marshall’s silence during the forged document¹ feeding frenzy had to do with his running out of Red Bull and Power Bars… Developing… **** ¹ Dan Rather responds:  “For the last time, they are not forgeries.  They’re sophisticated sex robots sent back in time to change the future for

Is it just me, or did George Lucas absolutely ruin the original Star Wars by digitally inserting some ridiculous sublot about a “Death Star”…? And while we’re on the subject, who is the old dude in the wizard robes?  And where is that wise green muppet character? Because him I liked.

“Besides, I was near Safwan, in the sense that ‘Brazil Night’ at the Ritz Carlton, Boston, brings together fabulously wealthy people from a variety of nations, including, in theory, Iraq.  Now, who wants a snow cone?” Captain’s Quarters has the details. Incidentally, I caught the replay of Kerry’s Dec 2001 interview with Bill O’Reilly the other night, but I was so mesmerized by Kerry’s insistence that, should it come down

Kerry:  “I see a little silhouetto of a man…Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango…?”

Reacting to this ludicrously titled AP story (“Bush Twists Kerry’s Words on Iraq”), a certain Britney Spears aficionado surfaces from his Fruity Pebbles long enough to type, “George Bush Is A LIAR.  This man is pathological.  To date, Senator Kerry has said that Bush ‘misled’, ‘deceived’, etc. Sometime soon, Senator, you’re going to have to say it: your opponent is a liar.” And what is this big lie that prompted

Passed out under the coffee table with a William S. Burroughs novel tucked under his chin.  Which is about what you’d expect from a monkey who spent the better part of today eating corn chips and huffing model glue out of an Arby’s bag.

John Kerry responds:  “Quite obviously you underestimate the trauma a well-flung toast point can cause to a dictator’s unsuspecting retina.” update: “…Or for that matter a shrimp fork, wielded with the appropriate conviction.  Peasant.”