Chapter 22: America’s Funniest Home Videos

Chapter 1.  Chapter 2.  Chapter 3.  Chapter 4.  Chapter 5.  Chapter 6.  Chapter 7.  Chapter 8.  Chapter 9. Chapter 10.  Chapter 11.  Chapter 12.  Chapter 13.  Chapter 14.  Chapter 15.  Chapter 16.  Chapter 17.  Chapter 18. Chapter 19.  Chapter 20.  Chapter 21.

     “When you left,” Liz began, “I was upset.  Robin and Roger were getting drunk and frisky, and so was I.”

     “Boone’s Farm will do that to you,” I offered helpfully.

     “Anyway, I excused myself and searched all over the apartment for you.  I even walked around the block a couple of times.  When I came back inside, Robin and Roger were in the bedroom.”

     “Boone’s Farm will do that to you,” I said again.

     “So I sat on the sofa and played that James Taylor tape for a spell, and finished off the third or fourth bottle of wine.”

     “Can always buy more wine,” I said. 

     “After a while, Robin came into the living room and asked me what I was doing.  `’Drinking,’ I said.

     ’You look upset,’ she said.

     ’It’s nothing,’ I said

     ’Why don’t you come with me?’ she said.

     ’OK,’ I said.”

     Liz paused for a moment to gather herself, pulling a few strands of hair out of her eyes.  I reached over to turn off the ignition and the lights.  I had a feeling this was going to take awhile.

     “So what’s the big deal?” I asked.  “She’s your friend.  She’s supposed to comfort you.”

     Liz smiled, staring absently out of the window into the crisp black of night.  “We made love,” she said softly.

     “You and Robin?” I asked.  I was beginning to wonder if I hadn’t somehow wandered into the wrong story.  Where was this in the script?

     “Yes,” she said.

     “Christ.  What did Roger do?” I asked.

     “Video taped it,” she said.  “And whacked off.”

     I put my arms around her and held her tightly.  What can a dead trout fisherman say to a girl who’s been filmed spread eagle atop her best friend?  Offer to buy the Milk Duds?

     So I said the first thing that came to my mind.

     “Well,” I said, “Boone’s Farm will do that to you.”

     “It did,” she said, sniffing.  “It did.”

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Chapter 23