“Here’s what I know for sure, Billy: the Colorado board of regents is scared to death of me—scared of the way I deconstruct traditional notions of ‘art’; scared of my willingness to condemn their bogus country, built over the bones of our ancestors; and finally, scared that I’ll sue their asses off for civil rights violations should they dare try shitcanning me. In fact, rumor has it that they’re planning
February 2005
A clearly agitated Wolfgang Puck CONTINUES to berate his Oscar-night catering staff
Puck: “…And another thing: These Napoleon puff pastries?—an embarrasment. Look how flat and sickly looking! I mean, I ask for Angelina Jolie, and you idiots give me Glenn Close, no…? ”Answer Wolfgang, bitches!”
BREAKING: A DEFIANT BRIT HUME SPENDS SUNDAY WATCHING ‘I HEART HUCKABEES’ ON DVD AND NOT ANSWERING THE CALL TO RESIGN FROM HIS POSITION AS FOX NEWS WASHINGTON EDITOR OVER ACCUSATIONS FROM LEFTWING ACTIVISTS THAT HE IS “A LYING LIAR WHO LIKES TO LIE ABOUT HIS LYING LIARLINESS”; A FRUSTRATED OLIVER WILLIS INSISTS, “WE WILL NEVER GIVE UP THE FIGHT,” ADDS, “UNLESS MCDONALD’S BRINGS BACK THE MCRIB SANDWICH, IN WHICH CASE, ALL BETS ARE OFF”
In less important news, Saddam Hussein’s half-brother Sabawi Ibrahim al-Hasan al-Tikriti has been captured by Iraqi forces. From the BBC: A half-brother and one-time aide to former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein has been captured, the Iraqi interim government has said. It accused Sabawi Ibrahim al-Hasan al-Tikriti of planning and carrying out terrorist acts. He is high on a list of the 29 most wanted insurgents, and the US military was
Overheard inside a Ramadi bunker, Sunday, Feb 27
First militant: “Hassan? I have a confession to make.” Second militant: “Christ, can’t this wait, Tamir –?.” First militant: “– No, please. Hear me out, friend. Because if I am to die at the hands of the imperialist invaders and their womenly urban assault teams, I need first to cleanse my conscience. And my confession has to do with your sister, Hassan –” Second militant: “—now is not the time
Creating new terrorists: Chimpy McHitlerBurton’s smirky rodeo ride through history continues, #3
From the Tehran Times: Academics and members of the appointed consultative council in the United Arab Emirates came out in favor of elections in the Persian Gulf state, arguing that it could not stay out of the regional trend toward elected bodies. When millions of Arabs in Palestine, Iraq and Saudi Arabia have gone to the polls, the UAE cannot continue to lag behind, Professor Abdul Khaleq Abdullah of the
When life imitates an Arnold Schwarzeneggar movie, 2
So I stop by the grocery store this afternoon to pick up a few sundries, and on the way back to my truck—at the very edge of my peripheral vision—I catch sight of something stalking me, a barely noticeable form that tracks me all the way from just outside the store’s automatic door to the rear cargo hatch of my SUV. Yet when I finally swing my head around to
Scenes from my driveway, continued x 52
Deadbeat neighbor: “Beautiful day, eh?” Me: “Not if you happen to have a goiter the size of a kiwi, it isn’t. Or an infected toenail that leaks green pus if you so much as look at it.” Deadbeat neighbor: “Oh. I’m sorry. Are you sick?” Me: ”Me? Naw. Just speculating.”
Meet your Accused BTK Killer: Park City compliance supervisor Dennis Rader
From the Kansas City Star: Dennis L. Rader, 59, has worked as a compliance supervisor for Park City in charge of animal control, nuisances, inoperable vehicles and general code compliance since about 1990. He grew up in the Park City area and has lived there ever since. He worked for Coleman in the early 1970s—as did two of BTK’s early victims. He served in the military during the Vietnam era
Creating new terrorists: Chimpy McHitlerBurton’s smirky rodeo ride through history continues, #2
From the BBC Egypt’s President Hosni Mubarak has asked parliament to change the constitution to allow multiple candidates in presidential polls. The surprise announcement followed US and domestic pressure for reform in the Arab world’s most populous nation. Mr Mubarak said the move was aimed at bringing the law “in line with this stage of our nation’s history”. The proposal will be put to referendum before September’s presidential poll. Currently,
Sure we wish peace. But not if it means we have to stop blowing up Israeli teens.
From Reuters: Over 30 50 people were wounded [with three confirmed dead] in an explosion at a club in the Israeli city of Tel Aviv on Friday, media and emergency services said. The blast was likely caused by Palestinian militants, Israeli media reported. It was the first such explosion since Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon and Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas declared a cease-fire aimed at ending more than four years
