January 13, 2005
9 most likely M. Night Shyamalan resolutions to the riddle, “Why did the chicken cross the road?”
He didn’t. It turns out it was all a dream. He saw dead chickens. Which, y’know, scared the shit out of him. To get to the other side. Only before he could make it, he was hit by a truck—filled with chickens! And how freakin’ spooky is that? Something to do with crop circles. Maybe because he thought he was like, invincible…?
Today’s ANNOUNCEMENT TO THE UNIVERSE
About time to bring back the Hustle, don’t you think…?
Thirty-fourth in a series of real-time empirical observations
If you can believe the statistics, in the time it takes you to read this post, Randy Thomasson, president of Campaign for Children and Families, will have thought about getting his freak on at least twice. Not surprisingly, each instance features a rubber brassiere, a slightly drunk Shania Twain, and a Campaign for Children and Families bake sale.
“So you gotta ask yourself: ‘Do I feel lucky’? Well do ya’? (You big floppy elephant-tittied) PUNK?”
From iafrica.com ‘Dirty Harry’ star Clint Eastwood told an awards ceremony in New York that he would “kill” Fahrenheit 9/11 filmmaker Michael Moore if he ever showed up at his front door with a camera, according to a report on Ananova.com. With Moore sitting in the audience, Eastwood said, “Michael Moore and I actually have a lot in common – we both appreciate living in a country where there’s free
Slouching toward dementia, 4 (or, my scissors talk to me again)
Of course it’s a good idea to cut your own hair. What, you really think those hacks at Great Clips care about how you look? Now relax and let me work my magic. You wanted to look like Ashton Kutcher, right…?
Another Disgusting Spectacle
I mean, look at this filthy mockery of Pro-Family values: junk-hugging tights, suggestive codpiece, improper use of patriotic accoutrements, quasi-Islamofascistic man burka… What we need now is some OUTRAGE.* **** update: and you simply don’t get that kind of pectoral definition with free weights. No. I suspect something unnatural is going on here. And what kind of message does that send to the children? **** update 2: Bill INDC wrestles