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9 most likely M. Night Shyamalan resolutions to the riddle, “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

  1. He didn’t. It turns out it was all a dream.
  2. He saw dead chickens.  Which, y’know, scared the shit out of him.
  3. To get to the other side. Only before he could make it, he was hit by a truck—filled with chickens!  And how freakin’ spooky is that?
  4. Something to do with crop circles.
  5. Maybe because he thought he was like, invincible…?

28 Replies to “9 most likely M. Night Shyamalan resolutions to the riddle, “Why did the chicken cross the road?””

  1. Scott P says:

    Uh, to get to The Village?

  2. Jim in Texas says:

    To get away from the sounds, the sounds behind are closer run! run! befor…

  3. Hubris says:

    I’m kinda pissed that you gave away the ending to Chicken before filming has been completed, without a “spoiler alert.”

  4. Did Jeff fall asleep in the middle of one of his posts?

    Does that happen often?

    It’s either the red pills behind the couch (I know sudafed always makes me sleepy) or it’s that lil cutie wootie babykins Satch he has there, keeping him up nights.

  5. JWebb says:

    When Shyamalan has the flu, would it be a coughing hack?

  6. Joe says:

    Items 6 through 9 are visible only to those select few who have access to the secret page.

    And my keyword is “children”, which is literally scarier than most of Mr. Shyamalan’s movies.

  7. spacemonkey says:

    Because the chicken didn’t realize he was already on other side the road. or that he was a Raven.

  8. McGehee says:

    6. Was it really a chicken? And where does the road actually go?

  9. shank says:

    WDTCCTR?

    Because it created the opportunity to make a veiled political statement.

    WDTCCTR?

    To frighten and amaze others with its barely creative but vivdly shot cinematography.

    WDTCCTR?

    Becuase you could see M. Knight in the background if you looked in the reflection of a puddle on the shoulder of said road.

    Dude, my spam word was’death’.  Not cool.

  10. Salt Lick says:

    8. A sixth sense told him he could make it.

    9. To show the possum it could be done.

  11. Stiv says:

    I wonder if he has a brother named L. Midday Shyamalan.

  12. ss says:

    He would have made it across the road too, if it hadn’t been for those meddling, hungry, fat kids.

  13. Karl says:

    6. Asthma meds are cheaper in Canada.

    7. Because with Methodists, it’s like, whatever.

    8. To play for the [dr. evil voice] other team. [/dr. evil]

    9. One word: Shyamalamadingdong.

  14. Karl says:

    Oh shit. That was comment 13. Is that freaky or what?

  15. tachyonshuggy says:

    10. To escape criticism that he telegraphed the ending from the third reel.

  16. Diana says:

    … ‘cause he was as dumb as a sack of Hammers ….

  17. michael dennis says:

    Salt Lick: Around here the punchline is “To show the armadillo that it can be done”.

    I’ve never seen a live armadillo in the wild before. My wife saw one the other night while she was driving our gas guzzlin’ SUV and thought it was some kind of mutant rat, only not as big as those other mutant rats (possums).

    I married a city girl.

  18. JD says:

    Because a swarthy fellow told him there would be 72 chicks waiting for him at the other side of the road.

  19. JD says:

    Two words:  Kenny Rogers.

  20. Ana says:

    It was following Michael Moore to the Clint Eastwood BBQ. With a camera.

  21. CraigC says:

    JD, wouldn’t that be 72 hens?

  22. JD says:

    To you, it’s hens.  To me, its CHICKS, baby!!!

  23. You stole my mojo! How am I supposed to get my freak on without my mojo!?

  24. Newzilla says:

    Beacuase the egg was on this side of the road first.

  25. MC says:

    See this COCK saw this road like thing – only it wasn’t really a road because you see this COCK was dead – he just didn’t know it. So he goes across and since it isn’t really a road – what it actually is – is a line in the spiritual continuum between the living and the dead – he comes out the other side and finds out that he’s the only COCK to survive some massive fox attack on the other side. He looks down and he’s wearing this American Flag outfit and starts to feelin’ pretty super – almost like a hero – then he notices that there’s a cornfield down the way – lots of the corn stalks are leanin’ over flat – and he’s a hungry COCK so why not go on down and get somethin’ to eat. He’s feelin’ pretty fine with all those accessible ears on the ground – just a peckin’ away when some creepy lookin’ blue dude comes up to grab him. Our COCK rares right up and spits on that dude and you would have thought it was hydrochloric acid ‘stead of COCK spit that hit him – the way he took out of there. Our hero, now satiated, heads out through the woods only to figure that he’s being stalked by something. He hides behind a tree and sees that a fox is sneakin’ up on him – he turns his back to the old fox, spreads his wings out, and waits until the fox is just about to jump him and then he pulls some superhero kung fu thing and throws the fox down. He notices something funny with the foxes fur and pulls on it only to expose his own father wearing a fox suit. “Father COCKER” he screams, “Why, why have you done this?” His father asks him to stop screaming and explains to him that he and the other old COCKS have taken to putting on these fox suits from time to time just to keep the hens from straying from the coop. For most of their lives it’s worked real well to keep those hens in line. What happened this last time was that some crazy young COCK got hold of one of the suits and just started offin’ some of the other ones and all hell broke loose.

    Now that our young COCK is free from the shackles of the past – he’s alive, he’s got this cool superhero costume, all the corn he can eat, and no fear of foxes – he struts down to the lake where he sees this old boat resting up against the shore. He hops up on the prow, spreads his wings out and crows “I’m the PIMP of the world!”.

    He’s feelin’ just fine – fine enough maybe to get an invite. But that’s another story.

  26. Salt Lick says:

    Armadillo Michael—Being TAMU ‘76 I know ‘bout armadillos. My Yankee wife beats your city wife—first time she saw a field of cotton she says, “What are all those pretty white flowers?”

  27. Jonathan Elliott says:

    Because the chicken on the other side of the road was dressed in red, which means she was EVIL, dude.

  28. 6. Because he was thrown across the road by the force of an exploding suicide bomber.

    Did I say suicide bomber? I meant desperate peace activist.

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