January 2005
If instead of being dead, a portion of his cremated remains launched into space—Dr. Timothy Leary were the TV pitch man for Keebler
Leary: “Tune in. Turn on. Drop out. And when you’re finished with that, take some time to enjoy delicious light and buttery Town House™ crackers—alone or with your favorite toppings…! “Mmmmmm. Goooood cracker!”
My fifth brief conversation with Senator Robert Byrd’s (D-WV) Grand Kleagle hood
me: “Looks like your boy could be at it again, hood.”* hood: me: “Obstructing the progress of a person of color…”* hood: me: “…the first ever African-American woman to be nominated for Secretary of State.”* hood: me: “Probably not racially motivated, though…”* hood: me: “The Senator’s showy desire to hold up Dr. Rice’s confirmation, I mean.”* hood: me: “Because Barbara Boxer is in it on, too…” hood: me: “…and Teddy
A message to the Academy of Arts and Sciences from your friends at NEWSMAX:
THE PASSION FOR PRESIDENT IN 2008! EAT JESUS’ ELECTORAL DUST, HILLARY! THE LORD NEEDS NO OHIO RECOUNT!
Magic Carpet Rides
In an otherwise prosaic Washington Post article on the likelihood of a U.S. first strike on Iran, one passage really stands out: “We are eagerly looking for the Americans commandos to come to Iran since they are chicks which would rapidly be picked up by our eagles,” declared Iran’s Intelligence Minister, according to a report from the Islamic Republic of Iran Broadcasting service. Uh huh. Get back to me after
A message to the Academy of Arts and Sciences from your friends at NEWSMAX.COM:
How could you? How could you snub Jesus? JESUS CHRIST DIED FOR YOUR SINS AND YET YOU SHUT HIM OUT OF THE MAJOR OSCAR CATEGORIES! YOUR PAGAN AWARDS ARE INAUTHENTIC!—YOUR POLITICAL BIASES ILLUMINATED BY THE BLINDING LIGHT OF GOD’S OWN TRUTH! (Good call on the Moore snub, though. Because, y’know, what a fat bastard that guy is, eh?)* **** update: DO NOT TAUNT THE LORD!*
protein wisdom’s 2004 Best Humor Blog Award
Practically shunned by the children of Yahweh, and completely shunned by Barking Moonbat Early Warning System, protein wisdom has decided to fight back and host its own Best Humor Blog Award for 2004. Best of luck, contestants!
hubris: the haiku series
You can’t really doubt my superiority, can you? Please. Get real. **** It’s not that I can’t hear you, buddy. It’s that I choose to ignore you. **** AS A CITIZEN JOURNALIST, I DEMAND YOU BRING ME ONION RINGS! **** related: “The Quite Specific Humility Poem”
I heard the news today, oh boy….
From Dexter Filkins, in today’s New York Times: With the Shiites on the brink of capturing power here for the first time, their political leaders say they have decided to put a secular face on the new Iraqi government they plan to form, relegating Islam to a supporting role. The senior leaders of the United Iraqi Alliance, the coalition of mostly Shiite groups that is poised to capture the most