Q: How many “progressives” does it take to change a lightbulb? A: How dare you question our patriotism! **** [update: Bill Quick weighs in].

Hey, if he can do it… protein wisdom’s “Irish Eyes a’ Glazing Over” Pizza No muss, no fuss. You’ll need: (6) bottles, Guinness Draught (1) European Pint Glass (1) Pizza, cheese (additional toppings optional) Basil flakes, oregano, garlic salt, hot peppers (to taste) Something to open the bottles with Here’s what you do: Pour Guinness into pint glass until beer is topped with 3/4″ creamy head (think Tyne Daly stuffed

The Kerry campaign, in a banner ad running on Salon (since pulled): Ad copy: “For the 1st time in history a corporation was allowed to invade a nation. No wonder the UN wasn’t involved. It’s time to UNSEAT George W. Bush.” Usama Bin Laden, in a tape released April 15: “This war earns millions of dollars for big companies, whether those who manufacture weapons or those involved in reconstruction such

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: He saw Paul Krugman walking toward him, and man, has that dude ever lost his freaking mind…! **** [update: Richard Bennett is more literal in his criticism]

Frankenfreude fran-KEN-froy-duh ; n.: A salicious satisfaction in the misfortune of self-important and unfunny leftys. garofaloed gah-RAH-fa-lod; v. tr: 1) To find oneself on the receiving end of puerile insults, generally of the sort peppered with chimp references and accompanied by the smell of patchouli and cloves; 2) To be cancelled quickly and with little fanfare. And you know that’s coming. **** OTB

During the Q&A session that followed his speech at City College in Harlem on April 14, John Kerry had a telling run-in with former college professor and assistant dean, Walter Daum. Now, it should come as no surprise to political junkies that the hardcore Democratic base Daum represents expects John Kerry to lurch left (“keep going, go on. That’s it — now don’t stop until you find yourself sharing a

Kwame wins, but is immediately disqualified for having brained Omarosa with one of Jessica Simpson’s microphone stands and hiding the body behind a faux fox coat in Simpson’s dressing room. And by “disqualified,” I of course mean “arrested for manslaughter and released on $200,000.00 bail.” Which leaves Bill, who wins by default — a victory he calls “kinda hollow, given the circumstances.”