The good news: my son — who turns 3-months old tomorrow — just spoke his first word. The bad news: if I heard him correctly, his first word was “Allah.” Though I don’t think he’s married to it. Speaking of which, this is funny…

Hey fellas: remember when it was enough to promise you’d pull out? Me too. Man, I sure do miss the early 80’s. Loverboy, especially.

“BOSTON — Police rescued a Boston woman from the jaws of her 7-foot Burmese python after the snake clamped onto her arm and started squeezing. Wanda Nunes, 43, told the Boston Herald that her python Moma went for her arm shortly before she planned to feed the snake two rats Saturday morning. “She must have smelled the rats because she reached back and lunged for my arm,” Nunes said. “Before

“Fuck. I don’t remember Allah saying anything about M1A1 Abrams tanks, Saed, do you…?” [via Cold Fury, whose nice new digs have me itching to do something drastic ’round here].

Yes, but the health care is free. So, y’know… What?

Back in ’94, during the heady days of the first Clinton administration, I was bartending at a Ruby Tuesday’s in Towson, Maryland — an okay gig if you didn’t mind wearing black polyester pants (which I did), or making specialty drinks like “The Rubalicious Mudslider!” named by drug-addled corporate marketers soon to find positions in IT. Fact: when an alcoholic beverage recipe calls for a fistful of malt balls and

Hey! Looks like anti-war demagogue and “progressive” economist Max Sawicky has decided to liven up his dreary digs with my charming mug! What can I say? Leave it to an economist to know money when he sees it. Still, a word of caution, Max: I’m straight, and I’m very happily married. And I’d never ever wear leather pants. Ever. Adjust your masturbation fantasies accordingly. [update: looks like Max pulled my