Zero Day (2003) Directed by Ben Coccio. Stars Andre Keuck, Calvin Robertson, Rachel Benichak, and Christopher Coccio. Five words or less review: Hannity would fucking hate this.* *very highly recommended; see also, Elephant
April 2005
April 26, 2005
Why? I mean, seriously. Tell me. I want to know.
Good question. Let’s go think about this.
April 26, 2005
Talking back to 80s music, 43
Sure, but that was back in, what, 1983…? That small cafe is now an Autozone, and the only reason you’d pass it as shadows fall these days is if you’re in the market for some crank or a $25 blowjob from a tranny hooker. “Always Something There to Remind Me,” Naked Eyes (original by Burt Bacharach/Hal David)
April 26, 2005
Debunking pop-cultural myths, 7
During its third season, “Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place” changed its name to “Two Guys and a Girl” in order to shorten the title for onscreen tv listings—not because show star Traylor Howard “thinks Wops are filthy, garlic-caked cheese guzzlers who stink of Drakkar,” as a co-star Ryan Reynolds notes in an easter egg on the SE DVD of National Lampoon’s Van Wilder.
April 25, 2005
RightWingNews’ John Hawkins gets into a minor argument while playing a game of Monopoly
Hawkins: “No, I only owe you $1200 if you have three houses on it. And those are not houses. Those are little plastic figurines molded to look like houses. So. Take the $375 and pass me the dice.”
April 25, 2005
Just one more note before I take a bit of a break from being called all sorts of nasty shit and go to Best Buy to pick up “Curb Your Enthusiasm"* on DVD
The Martha Stewart Chronicles? Not real. *Wait, isn’t that Larry David a liberal, Jeff? Yes. Yes he is. And I really do wish he’s add a laugh track to his show, so I know when to chuckle. But hey, if you want to be hip, you have to put up with these inconveniences from time to time.
April 25, 2005
a protein wisdom web poll!
YOU make the funny! Select a punchline: “How many humorless conservatives does it take to change a lightbulb?” One. Unless you need a ladder, in which case, two. Always use a spotter.Get the maid to do it, would you? I’m doing pilates.Two: one to screw it, the other to laugh at its misery.SECURE THE BORDERS NOW!I’m not sure, but I DO know this: Ronald Reagan would have gotten it done,
April 25, 2005
If instead of Conan O’Brien’s good-natured and slightly portly sidekick, Andy Richter were RightWingNews editor John Hawkins
Hawkins: “Of course, Triumph is really just a hand puppet, Conan. Not an actual dog. Just so we’re clear.”
April 25, 2005
A joke, written especially for John Hawkins
A Jew, a conservative, and an alligator walk into a local neighborhood bar. “Whaddya have,” asks the bartender. “Hmm,” says the Jew. “I think I’d like a glass of Maneschewitz.” “Sorry,” says the bartender. “We don’t carry that. A beer okay?” “Fine,” says the Jew. “How about you, buddy?” the bartender asks the conservative. “Whaddy have?” “Hmm,” says the conservative. “I think I’d like two fingers of Glenmorangie 18-year old
April 25, 2005
The pitfalls of conservatism
Evidently, our reputation is forever tarnished. And the only thing a serious CITIZEN JOURNALIST like me really has is his reputation. So the shame is palpable right now. Like some heavy odor hanging over this blog. Musky. Like the stink of wet sheep. Go ahead. Take a whiff of my shame. **** update: strangely enough, should you be so curious as to actually lick my shame, you’ll find it tastes