Evidently, our reputation is forever tarnished. And the only thing a serious CITIZEN JOURNALIST like me really has is his reputation. So the shame is palpable right now. Like some heavy odor hanging over this blog. Musky. Like the stink of wet sheep.
Go ahead. Take a whiff of my shame.
****
update: strangely enough, should you be so curious as to actually lick my shame, you’ll find it tastes just like chicken.
****
update 2:: After we spoke to John Hawkins on IM, he’s even more upset with us. I left my response in his comments.
Incidentally, no, he didn’t ask my permission to use the transcript from our chat. And yes, I saved the entire transcript. So more later!
****
update 3: MSNBC readers, follow up here.
[sniff] Whew! Your shame reeks! Did you have asparagus with dinner?
That’s not shame. You have to wash those body parts, dude. They don’t clean themselves.
Don’t worry about it. Some people will never understand.
(Ooo,stinky)
Jeff & Bill really bent over backwards to pick a fight with her. Just about every question was goofball sarcasm. You have almost got to wonder if they were trying to provoke that kind of reaction…
Damn. The things you miss when you’re trying to earn a paycheck.
Yup, sounds like Jeff and Bill embarrassed our sex that time.
Really? All I can smell is teen spirit.
…
Hey, I was born in Seattle. What do you want?
Really old, burning Thai-stick can smell like that, too. Just so you know your various guilt options.
WHEN lovely citizenjournalist stoops to folly,
And finds too late that men betray,
What charm can soothe his melancholy?
What art can wash his tears away?
The only art his guilt to cover,
To hide his shame from ev’ry eye,
To give repentance to his critics,
And wring their bosom isâ€â€to die.
apologies to Oliver Goldsmith. Spam word–dead, which he is.
got it.
The first nine minutes or so of PieTimes with Jeff and Bill is ‘Firesign Theater’ kindof … sortof …
next you’ll be telling me that MadTV did movie spoofs before the opening credits and those weren’t ads for real movies —
— and that my Bass-o-Matic isn’t a real product
or that my floor wax isn’t really a delicious dessert topping …
It’s not the Conservative Christians that worry me,it’s Plodding Literalists that I worry about.
Personally, I think the guy’s gripe that there were no warnings about the thing being satire made a lot of sense. In fact, I for one, would like to see some satire warnings on this online thing that’s not a blog. You could skip the warnings on bits that are obviously satire.
swimdad
Jeff, Am I the only rightwinger that really understands you…
Good lord. I just read the comments over there. Comparing a piece of comedy to f’n Rathergate?
I just wonder how many aliens Hawkins’ grandparents iced during that whole “War of the Worlds” thing? *shakes head*
I just wonder how many aliens Hawkins’ grandparents iced during that whole “War of the Worlds†thing? *shakes head*
BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHA! Awesome comment.
Of course, one of his commenters just said, “granpappy nailed three, why does he ask?”
PS – Please, please, for the love of God – nobody fall for Jeff’s “lick my shame” come on. He tried that on me like four times, once even plying me with drinks to warm me up …
nobody fall for Jeff’s “lick my shame†come on
Yeah, I know. I’m still waiting for my free ipod.
The CITIZEN JOURNALIST REPORT is serving so many purposes, all are VITAL to the SURVIVAL of the serious blogosphere. The foremost side-effect of the CJR is exposing those bloggers who have no sense of humor. We can now put John from RWN in that category with Hundred Percenter and a growing cast of other “serious” citizen journalists.
Growing up on Memphis-style professional wrestling has provided me with an insight into and appreciation of such stunts. The Catalano interview was very similar to the morning when Jerry “The King” Lawler was run over by Tommy “Wildfire” Rich’s Oldsmobile sedan in the WMC-TV 5 parking lot during a taping. Though Lawler’s injuries were physical, Catalano’s injuries were emotional – now you tell me which has more serious long-term consequences.
Also, Jeff, I would appreciate it if you would spell everything out for me as well. I can’t make the intellectual leap from a serious interview/post to a humorous interview/post without someone holding my hand. And I’d like that someone to be you – or perhaps Bill, if you’re not available.
I swear, this is enough to make me give up blogging about anything but cats forever.
Preston, Hand holding leads to shame licking. Just so you know.
It won’t be my first shame-licking adventure. And I’m not proud of that.
Double-reverse punk’d?
They’re all in cahoots, I tell ‘ya.
I would appreciate it if, in the future, you make any metaphorical wrestling references to me by using the famous feud between Hulk Hogan and Rowdy Ridy Piper as your basis. I would be Piper, of course. Because I look damn good in a kilt.
Catalano’s Korner – I can see it now. That would be the only thing to bring me back to watching the WWE/WWF.
spam word: “south”
as in, “the south will rise again”
You could probably get The Wildboyz (Steve-O & Pontius of Jackass ) to lick your shame… I saw them lick the dried crap on a waterbuffalo’s ass this weekend.. So they’d probably lick just about anything…
Touring word: price
As in: That’s the price of fame..
Full disclosure: I didn’t listen to the show.
Will that stop me from running my mouth? Nope.
If you have to explain the joke, it wasn’t funny.
Awesome. Now we need to get somebody to dress up like a Pacific Islander so Catalano can bash them in the head with a coconut.
I’d be Capt Lou, but I’m out of rubber bands.
If you have to explain the joke, it wasn’t funny.
If we have to explain the joke, you didn’t get it.
Lots of other people got the funny. Sorry you didn’t. We’ll make crib notes next time so no one gets their panties in a bunch.
I was thinking of a glossy companion to the show.
I read about the show before hearing it so was prepared for the outburst but it sounded faked to me. Anyone that reads Michele’s site can guess that she wouldn’t get that pissed off over a few jokey questions.
But this could all just be a big punkathon build up for CJR this thurs.
If you want to see the kind of dink who didn’t get it, go to RWN’s second post comments here.
See the “strcpy” idiot that Jeff is politely arguing with? “strcpy” is also arguing with comment spam in that thread. That is the kind of credulous dumbfuck who is now still, a thousand years later in joke years, whinging that they were “deceived”.
Now that I think about it, that’s the real genius of the cuss-out bit. Well played indeed, gentlemen.
Sound link do over
Anyone that reads Michele’s site can guess that she wouldn’t get that pissed off over a few jokey questions.
Which makes all the “I just knew she was a psychotic bitch!” comments all the more funny.
John Hawkins? I *loved* him in Treasure Island!
Man, I hope someone somewhere is working on the cure for stupid. I thought it was hilarious, and I feel betrayed now that I know the “truth.” It’s like when I went on the backlot tour at MGM, all the magic is gone now.
I {Cohost Bill} was thinking of a glossy companion to the show.
I thought that was Jeff G.
thinly veiled homoeroticism, the lifeblood of blog comment threads
~ badump bump ~
Anyone that reads Michele’s site can guess that she wouldn’t get that pissed off over a few jokey questions.
yeah, but question her practice of yelling ‘Spikes UP!’ to her son as he slides into second base during a Little League game and …. man … it ain’t pretty.
note to sprcy:
the last comment was made in jest, parents don’t want to see the kids on the other team injured during a play but rather encourage good play by any kid on the field by clapping … except in our league where the fucking Yankees team is coached by a fucking luna-fucking-tic who’s infected the parents of his kids so that they jeer 10-11 year olds on the other team … bastard … the only thing sweeter than beating them 8-7 on Sunday was the fact that my boy plays on the Red Sox. A fact made meaningless because we live in a National League city, but – hell – there is much to loathe about the Yankees, at any level of play.
Cillit BANG! should clear up that tarnish, lime-scale, or rust. Good as new!
But now I feel as though I am in 12-monkeys-dancing-land.
Is Hawkins feigning affront. playing along in an elaborate double-reverse punk? Who can say, till we find out who is your guest this week.
Well, newspapers tailor their writing to a 7th grade reading level so everyone understands. Bill and Jeff could do the verbal equivalent – which, I believe, would be fart jokes and similar.
Oh, and the the ever popular licking-of-shame references.
Man, this is getting complicated.
Near as I can tell: someone may or may not be upset that the “interview” with Michelle was/wasn’t scripted and when Jeff and/or Bill and/or Michelle attempted to clear/obfuscate things, someone else was/wasn’t upset that everything was/wasn’t obvious in the first place.
Jeff,
I hope you will pardon this intrusion, but I offered the following apology to Right Wing News Readers on my site and I wanted to share it with your audience:
Dear Right Wing News Fans:
In my previous post, I included a statement where noted writer Andrew Sullivan blamed Pope Benedict XVI for the exploding frog phenomenon in Germany. Andrew made no such statement. I attributed that statement to Mr. Sullivan for comedic purposes. You see, I was trying to poke fun at Mr Sullivan’s tendency to ascribe numerous malevolent ideals to the new Pope. I figured that if I showed him also blaming Benedict XVI for the exploding German frogs, it might cause a few of my readers to laugh, spit coffee, slap their knee and say “Ha ha. Yeah, it wouldn’t surprise me if Andrew Sullivan would say that.”
In my attempt at comedy, I failed to consider the collateral damage that such satire would cause readers and fans of Right Wing News. The Hole Card does not willfully attempt to injure anybody in the blogosphere. Rest assured that I will take new measures to prevent any undue injuries in the future. I know—it’s all fun and games until somebody loses their grip on reality. Wait, did I say “grip on reality”? I meant eye…my bad.
Sincerely, with humblest apologies and a manly tear or two:
— Blackjack
Michele,
Again, didn’t listen to the show. So, you know, it’s not like I even had a chance to get or not-get the humor. But I can’t resist offering my opinion on blog/internet-radio kerfuffles. Such fun!
My guess? I would have “gotten it”.
And while I just hate associating myself with the humor impaired rubes who fail to grok the superior wit of their quite self-evident betters, the stubborn fact remains that apparently some segment of the target audience was flummoxed and un-amused. Or perhaps the knuckle dragging mouth breathers who can’t grasp the obvious Andy Kaufman-esque funny aren’t a part of the target audience. Hey, it ain’t my show and I didn’t even listen to the episode in question.
Panties status? Un-bunched. But thanks for asking!
Because your response was so reassuring, Fred, I hereby offer to unbunch your panties myself should they ever become bunched in the future.
Offer not valid in the state of Utah.
How about Idaho?
Luckily, I don’t live in Utah.
I’m gonna go spoiling for a fight so I can get those panties good and bunched!
Which makes all the “I just knew she was a psychotic bitch!†comments all the more funny.
But for the record, let’s all be clear that catalano really is a “psychotic bitch.*”
* Right Wing Newsies: Not really, that was dry schtick. For the rest of you, no, really.
Some people get all the good offers from Michelle …
The only reason I can imagine for them to not understand it was a parody is if “Aren’t you afraid god will smite you?” is the type of question they actually would ask an atheist. I got it, but then I’m a godless heathen too.
I only play a psychotic bitch on the internet. In real life, I’m a psychotic bastard.
Or perhaps the knuckle dragging mouth breathers who can’t grasp the obvious Andy Kaufman-esque funny aren’t a part of the target audience.
What about those of us who grasped it, but found it somewhat cold and slimy?
word: feel. As in ‘this feels cold and slimy, but if it wiggled it would be okay’.
Pappy:
You’re on your own. Perhaps Jeff will reach out to your demographic cohort. He is nothing if not a giver, you know.
Andy are you tripping on this one?
Too bad that fartknocker Hawkins spoiled the gag. Kaufman’s confederates all waited until he was dead to spill the beans, and even then they eschewed a full confession.
On Kauffman, I believe to this day that Jerry “The King” Lawler still won’t answer the question. I remember him saying he promised Andy he would never tell.
Yeah, Blackjack, but he’s hinted pretty strongly.
Shinobi, Thanks for the laugh!!….
Suggestion to Michele, Jeff and Bill: Every humor segment is spoken with thick Hungarian accents, to alert the humor-impaired listeners.
Or maybe use the Kevin Nealon “Subliminal Man” style and in between every few words, mutter “this is a joke.”
An excerpt from the chat last night with Hawkins [and yes, THIS is real, though I’ve altered the screen names]:
[19:40] Hawkins: it’s like the Rather memos of the blogosphere
[19:40] Bill: though jeff still is an “effing Jew”
[19:40] Bill: in real life
[19:41] Bill: not quite. our second interviews are always half bit, half real interview
[19:41] Bill: thought it was apparent, more or less
[19:41] Hawkins: Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me dude. Well, it was apparent Michele read a script to open
[19:41] bill: yeah thats because it was a script reading
[19:41] Jeff: Here’s what we’ve done in the 9 minute segment on our shows thus far
[19:42] bill: like an NPR piece
[19:42] bill: and then we ask questions
[19:42] Jeff: 1) TalkLeft on Michael Jackson. I asked her if Michael was allowed to bring his monkey to court
[19:42] pJeff: 2) Jeff Percifield of Beautiful Atrocities (who is a gay conservative). We asked him about decorating and spice racks and Nathan Lane
[19:42] bill: I Mike Wallaced a guy who was building a hobbit hole
[19:43] Jeff: Val Prieto, Cuban. We asked who Castro was. Then we asked him about voodoo.
[19:43] Jeff: And pinatas.
[19:43] bill: and we asked catalano “when you see a swarm of locuists, do you think ‘God’s angry wrath?’ or just ‘bugs?’”
[19:43] Jeff: So you see, we figured it would be funny if we had our obnoxiousness thrown back at us.
[19:44] bill: lol
[19:44] Jeff: That was the joke.
[19:44] Jeff: On us.
[19:44] bill: because we’re idiots
[19:44] Jeff: But now, we’re forever tarnished
[19:44] Rightalk Rep: but you’re talented idiots
[19:44] Hawkins: Well, it wasn’t funny at all, so I never considered that you’d be running a hoax
[19:44] Jeff: Our integrity dashed.
[19:44] Bill: ha
[19:44] Hawkins: I couldn’t figure out the point of it
[19:45 Bill: ah
[19:45] Jeff: You believing it
[19:45] Jeff: that was the point
[19:45] Jeff: so thank you.
I’ve neen duped! Duped, I tell you! I might as well just go hang myself on a towel dispenser.
BAM!!!!
Thanks for the link Diana. I’m definitely the go-to person for self-strangulation on public restroom fixtures.
So he honestly didn’t think the locust thing was funny at all? I didn’t even hear the show and I thought the locust thing was funny just reading it.
… just reciprocation for that “smartass Canadian” comment
My favorite part went something like this:
I had forgotten that part Hubris. Great transcriptionary! That one made me spit on my monitor – not in disgust, in laughter.
Personally, my favorite from any show is when Jeff threw down the Angelheart schtick to Val Prieto in regards to Cuba. Funny, I seem to remember Val having a sense of humor about it, so that reaction is possible.
Diana, can you believe neither of us could get a single one of these wankers to defend their masculinity? When they’re trying to be serious, there’s just nothing you can do with them.
It’s called avoidance, when they don’t have the answer!
“I said I don’t believe in God”
“Hmmm…so what do you do when you go to church?”
“No problem, I’m Episcopalean.”
I have to tell you that it was hard not to laugh while they were asking me questions. Even though I knew they would be baiting me, I didn’t know ahead of time what the questions would be. And when they came out with the locusts thing and then asked me about church, I just kept thinking that people would have to know it was a joke.
I should have told some Pope jokes.
You were too good Michele. You sounded so pissed off!!! I can usually catch it and I knew that Jeff and Bill were kidding, cuz..well..that’s what they do. But you sounded SO MAD!! You totally made me believe your end of it.
That settles it—Michele needs to join the show fulltime. From what I’m reading, you guys really hit your stride this time.
[The above review is to be given all the credibility it deserves for having been written by someone whose sole knowledge of the program is what people write about it in comment threads. Which is to say, Dick.]
[Can you say Dick in a comment thread?]
[If not, Vice President Cheney could be in trouble…]
McGehee, where have you been? I’ve missed you.
I love the smell of Goldstein’s shame in the morning.
I still think michele deserves an Oscar and an Emmy in the ad lib category.
Diana, I bet she doesn’t even HAVE a new york accent….’
Hah! You’re right!
Actually, it’s a Lawn Guyland accent. Which, in some ways, is worse.
Next time, I’ll go for the Hungarian accent thing.
I think their should be a next time, don’t you?
in my opinion, the ‘alternative conservative’ bit has been excellent every show I’ve heard it. a fairly simple gag, but so much comedic potential. pinatas!! locusts!!! spice racks!!! come on, what kind of rube thinks this stuff isn’t funny?
michele, absolutely! But I want you to make Jeff and Bill cry somehow.
I mean for real.
I just KNOW you can figure out a way.