A Jew, a conservative, and an alligator walk into a local neighborhood bar. “Whaddya have,” asks the bartender.
“Hmm,” says the Jew. “I think I’d like a glass of Maneschewitz.”
“Sorry,” says the bartender. “We don’t carry that. A beer okay?”
“Fine,” says the Jew.
“How about you, buddy?” the bartender asks the conservative. “Whaddy have?”
“Hmm,” says the conservative. “I think I’d like two fingers of Glenmorangie 18-year old scotch, please. And a nice cigar, if you have one —preferably an Arturo Fuente Opus X.”
“Sorry,” says the bartender. “We don’t carry either of those. Cigarette machine’s in the rear. A beer okay in the meantime?”
“Sure,” says the conservative. “If I really must.”
“Good. Now how about you, my reptillian friend?” the bartender asks the alligator. “Whaddya have?”
“Well, I’m an alligator,” the alligator says. “So I’m not really here in the bar, and I’m not really talking to you. But that being said, I’ll have a beer.”
“Good choice,” says the bartender.
“Man,” says the alligator, taking a long draw from the freshly-poured pint. “That John Hawkins sure is one whiny little boy bitch, ain’t he?”
You sure the third character shouldn’t be a Jack Russell terrier?
Anyone smell that smoke in here? No, it’s not a cigarette or a cigar…it’s… damn, I think I smell a flame war!
No, that’s just my cigar.
A Fonseca in fact.
I’m still confused – are you really claiming that there is such a thing as talking alligators?
If not, and this is some kind of gag (i.e. lie, I’d prefer you make it clear up front (and not just with some vague disclaimer such as “[a] joke.”
Anyway, since it looks like you’re going to have to explain this to me, that’s pretty much conclusive evidence that your “joke” is not funny.
Does the Dolphin in the Pea Coat play into this story someplace ?
Martha Stewart, a Grand Kleegle hat and a Dolphin in a Pea Coat walk into a bar…
See, if you specified that it was a “liberal alligator”, now that would have been ball-bouncingly funny.
Now why do you have to go and write that??? You are just so bad.
But I aint defending you anymore. Just look at the comment section on that post.
People are starting to talk…..
Stop all this bickering anyway. Come to my blog and read about LOVE.
Some call it link whoring, I call it linklove.
I was only useful to people like Hawkins while I was bashing Kerry or Teddy Kennedy. Now, it’s time for me to leave the party, please.
Incidentally, Hawkins is only steamed because he put up a post saying this was all real in order to embarrass Michele. When it turned out that in his haste to have a laugh at somebody else’s expense he made an everloving fool out of himself, he’s decided to lash out at us and hide behind his even MORE humorless commenters. Who are literally comparing my perfidy to Clinton’s during the Lewinsky affair.
Which, that’s when you realize it’s time to get out.
Somebody’s panties are in a bunch, and…
nope, not mine.
What is this? Some kind of odd-ball humor blog?
It’s almost too easy to be good sporting… not that it should stop you.
Maybe you could poll 50 bloggers about their feelings on this. Make sure to invite only people you know will answer standard, parrot-like answers.
Reptile. Not amphibian.
In some places, alligators are allowed into bars. Talking is optional.
Absolutely right, Ralph. That bartended ain’t too bright, is he.
Well, I saved him further embarrassment and made the change. Thanks.
Funny joke. Now if you could only transfer such humor to your internet radio show, you could make a career out of it.
Love your show. Please- keep up the good work. Can’t wait for Thursday.
Can’t.Fucking.Wait.
Oh look who’s back and trying to glom onto other people’s traffic again.
What, things not going so well over at the GIANT COLORFUL CONSERVATIVE-BASED HEADLINES FOR GOD AND COUNTRY THAT I HOPE WILL MAKE PEOPLE NOTICE ME site?
Notice you didn’t post on this show until John Hawkins told you it was okay. Seriously—just be you, man. It’s okay.
Oh my sweet Lord……
Seriously, hundredpercenter –
Has it ever occurred to you that the manic, jumbled text and frenetic colorscheme on your site echoes the design sensibility of a disheveled, rightwing hermit that smears “save terry!” missives and mailbomb schematics on the wall of his tin shack – in poo-poo?
Simmer down bitches, simmer down.
Can’t a loyal fan offer a compliment?
Geez.
Simmmer down? If I were any more mellow I’ll have to adjust my font to something san-serif dealie that when you look at you say, “man, anybody who uses a font like that must really be mellow.”
Now why do you keep coming back here?
go with the comic sans just to spite him, jeff!
Bill, what is it with you and color schemes…
God help us if this becomes mainstream humor…
Anarchist Evening Entertainment
Goldstein’s Magic Theater
Entrance not for Everybody
For Madmen Only !
Hermine is in Hell …
Jeff, like me, he probably came for the low prices and stayed for the high quality humor and “service with a smile”.
on 100
o;pe’s page:
WELL MANNERED CONSERVATIVE BLOGGER,
HAWKINS, CONFIRMS WHAT I ALREADY
KNEW: JEFF & BILL FOREVER FILED IN THE
MORON COLUMN
speaking of bad web design, weren’t animated gifs outlawed in 1996 along with the
blink tag?
Milo – When you’re trying to be the next Drudge, yet you’ve only got two consistent readers, you gotta bring the bling. Maybe if 100r; offered some actual content?
Nahhh. It’d never happen.
I looked at 99 and 44/100ths webpage … and now I think I’m blinded.
You’re only doing this due to Hawkins’ major NY literary agency, & your twisted desire to meet Joyce Carol Oates.
Note to Hundred Percenter: BA will be abortion-blogging this week, stay tuned
It was Sofa King We Todd Did……………
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Now STOP IT, make kissy face with the world and don’t make it worse.
Lame. Lame. Lame. Don’t insult us evermore, please.
*ashamed*
…skulking away now…….questioning all of my affiliations……..
SHIT! I HATE when this happens.
Go ahead, byte me. This shit’s asenine….all of it.
I love blog wars.
Wow. I actually followed the links. HundredPercenter is literally taking his potshots at Bill more than a month late (given the comments he’s linking/quoting (with no context provided, mind you)). Also, be sure to catch HP’s dig at people from Mississippi.
Mississippians. What a bunch of fucking hicks, am I right?
WHAT?????????????????????????????????
HundredPercenter is literally taking his potshots at Bill more than a month late (given the comments he’s linking/quoting (with no context provided, mind you)).
Yeah, he’s got this wacky hard-on for me,but I pretty much ignore him. Some people piss me off, HP is not one of them. He’s just silly and fun.
But at least he linked Ace’s thread, so others may examine the context and decide for themselves.
I demand you interview me at once or I shall move to an all block-cap format! See if I don’t!