The Weekly Standard’s Matt Labash brings the funny. From “The Bon Jovi Advantage,” July 19: Kerry kicked off last week’s concert by mounting the stage with new sidekick John Edwards, who has managed to transform himself into Mr. Electricity since the primaries, when many of us in the vulture class thought the too-smooth-by-half Edwards was less suited to sell us his vision of America, more suited to sell us an
July 2004
July 22, 2004
Teresa Heinz Kerry is introduced to ethnic cuisine
THK: “…And this is called a ‘bagel,’ you say?” catering lady: “Yes, a bagel. A poppy seed bagel, specifically.” THK: “And what are these black things all over the ‘bagel’…?” catering lady: “Those are poppy seeds. They’re quite delicious.” THK: “I see… Well, have them removed, and then I’ll have one ‘bagel’ without the little black things.” catering lady: “We do have plain bagels, Mrs. Kerry. Pre-made, without the poppy
July 22, 2004
Talking back to 80s music, 30
She could hear the highway breathing, you say…? Well, I’m no expert, but it sounds to me like she was doing more with the grass than just lying in it. Try offering her some Cool Ranch Doritos. Cool Ranch Doritos are a dead give away… “And She Was,” Talking Heads
July 21, 2004
UNrealistic
Kofi Annan to Israel: “Quit it with this fence thing already, would you? Your so-called ‘security measure’ is unfairly punishing Palestinian bomb makers, who—let’s face it—are hard working, highly-skilled craftsmen who have the right to make a living too. “…Now, enough talk. Who wants Cognac…?”
July 21, 2004
Eleventh in a series of real-time empirical observations
By the time you finish reading this post, Janeane Garofalo will have been “cooly ironic” for 17 years, 2 months, 4 days, 9 hours, 11 minutes, and (roughly) 25 seconds straight. Not that she cares what any of you unhip mallshoppers think.
July 21, 2004
Rand Simberg
has a point. Tangentially related: Michael Moore doesn’t. But he does have a weakness for pastry.*
July 21, 2004
9 names for Ben & Jerry’s Ted Kennedy tribute ice cream.*
40 mg. Lipitor Crunch Scotch Almond Neat, and no, I don’t want any goddamn water with it Mint Chocolate Fillibuster Hooterlicious Sour Cream Potato Skin Frenzy Star Spangled Spending Krispy Kegger and bring on the hookers! Juniper Berries, Cocktail Onions and Cream Rocky Load Cookies and Kopechne *It exists. In my head.
July 21, 2004
9 names for Ben & Jerry’s Ted Kennedy tribute ice cream.*
40 mg. Lipitor Crunch Scotch Almond Neat, and no, I don’t want any goddamn water with it Mint Chocolate Fillibuster Hooterlicious Sour Cream Potato Skin Frenzy Star Spangled Spending Krispy Kegger and bring on the hookers! Juniper Berries, Cocktail Onions and Cream Rocky Load Cookies and Kopechne *It exists. In my head.
July 21, 2004
Found
Slain hostage Paul Johnson’s head. In some dude’s freezer in a Riyadh villa. Probably just a cultural thing, this keeping of severed hostage heads in the icebox. A quaint indigenous custom, like drinking tea in the desert. So let’s not be so quick to pass judgment. After all, it was America who gave the world disco and fast food. **** h/t James Joyner, who has much more here.
July 21, 2004
Noxious Emissions
From a National Center for Public Policy Research press release : According to a July 20 Associated Press article by Mark Johnson, “Eight states and New York City intend to sue five of the country’s largest power producers to demand they cut carbon dioxide emissions, which are believed to be linked to global warming. The attorneys general from California, Connecticut, Iowa, New Jersey, New York, Rhode Island, Vermont, Wisconsin, as