me: apple: me: apple: me: “So, whaddya say—truce?” apple: “Sure. Fine. Truce.” me: “Cool…” apple: me: “…So, you feel like maybe splitting a pizza or something?” apple: “Nah. Not really hungry right now.” me: apple: me: “…Sorry about the shovel thing, by the way…” apple: “Yeah, well, it’s not like I could fight back or anything, right?” me: “Because you don’t have any limbs –” apple: “– Because I don’t
July 2004
July 27, 2004
protein wisdom’s Democratic National Convention coverage, 5
Up close, Jimmy Carter looks very much like an old and weathered Garry Shandling. And if I heard him correctly, he thinks the best way to fight terrorism is to have Americans “throw on an extra sweater in the chilly, chilly winter time.” Which hardly seems like an effective war strategy to me.
July 27, 2004
protein wisdom’s Democratic National Convention coverage, 5
Up close, Jimmy Carter looks very much like an old and weathered Garry Shandling. And if I heard him correctly, he thinks the best way to fight terrorism is to have Americans “throw on an extra sweater in the chilly, chilly winter time.” Which hardly seems like an effective war strategy to me.
July 26, 2004
protein wisdom’s Democratic National Convention coverage, 4
Gray Davis has the tiniest little hands and feet! And if you believe the buzz, Alan Colmes wears a stylish gold hoop through one of his nipples. Most likely his left one. …Oh, and $6.75 for bottled water and a soft pretzel? Democrats must really be rich.
July 26, 2004
protein wisdom’s Democratic National Convention coverage, 4
Gray Davis has the tiniest little hands and feet! And if you believe the buzz, Alan Colmes wears a stylish gold hoop through one of his nipples. Most likely his left one. …Oh, and $6.75 for bottled water and a soft pretzel? Democrats must really be rich.
July 26, 2004
protein wisdom’s Democratic National Convention coverage, 3
Bunting’s up. Red, white, and blue cloth bunting, too—none of that crepe paper bullshit. My journalistic instincts tell me the Democrats are getting serious. Except for their convention hats. Their hats are not serious at all. Developing…
July 26, 2004
protein wisdom’s Democratic National Convention coverage, 3
Bunting’s up. Red, white, and blue cloth bunting, too—none of that crepe paper bullshit. My journalistic instincts tell me the Democrats are getting serious. Except for their convention hats. Their hats are not serious at all. Developing…
July 26, 2004
Boat on the River
At first glance I thought this was an old Styx photo. Because tell me that one chick in the blue gingham doesn’t look just like a young, happy Tommy Shaw…
July 26, 2004
Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance, abridged, 5
Full-bore, on a flat Kansas highway, you can hit 145 mph, easy. But that doesn’t mean you have to.
July 26, 2004
Overheard at a Boston-area pizzeria, 12:11 PM
First guy in Red Sox cap: “What, you think Kerry actually follows the Sox?”* Second guy in Red Sox cap: “Yeah, why not?—why wouldn’t he?” First guy in Red Sox cap: “I dunno. I get the feeling he can name the entire Oxford rowboat team, but he wouldn’t know Jimmy Rice from Rice-a-Roni.”* Second guy in Red Sox cap: “Crew team. Not ‘rowboat’ team. You said ‘rowboat’ team.” First guy