“The Ur Bunny” by John Edwards I live in the Ur Bunny’s belly. I nourish and sleep there. She is kind to me. She is tender and warm. The day she came to devour me I saw that her eyes were kind and her teeth gently beveled. I was not afraid and let her swallow me, whole like a baby carrot. “You will be safe,” I heard her say as
October 2004
October 14, 2004
The No Sin Zone…?
From the Boston Channel: “Sexual Harassment Lawsuit Filed Against Bill O’Reilly; TV Talk Show Host Countersues” A producer for Fox News Channel’s Bill O’Reilly is accusing the commentator of forcing her to have telephone sex against her wishes. O’Reilly says the sexual harassment complaint is a politically motivated extortion attempt to embarrass him and the Fox News Channel. The woman, Andrea Mackris, is an associate producer on “The O’Reilly Factor.”
October 14, 2004
Twenty-fourth in a series of real-time empirical observations
In the time it takes you to read this post, DNC Chairman Terry McAuliffe will have been an evil lying douche all of his reprehensible life. That is all.
October 14, 2004
protein wisdom: the third presidential debate verdict.
John Kerry: “Whatever you need, it’s yours. Need a job? You got it. Need a higher living wage? Done. Need cheap, universal healthcare? I’m your man. Need a better education? Have at it, paid in full. Relying on social security for your retirement? I’ll put it in a lock box. Tax relief? I can give you that, too. Want to lose your virginity to a teenage Mexicali hooker and a
October 13, 2004
It’s the day of the literary illusion/allusion
Joyce Carol Oates speaks for John Kerry. As does Molly Bloom. But Shannon Elizabeth has a different take: “I’ve come to love Bush. Like, lots. Which, I think that proves I’m a very open-minded person. Who likes to experiment. “…Um, what was the question again?” update: “Did I mention that Danny Masterson says I have nipples like the Tin Woodsman’s hat? I like camping.”
October 13, 2004
Excerpt from “Masks of the Liberal Illuminati” by Robert Anton Wilson
De Somnis Vestimenta Horroris From the greatest horrors irony is seldom entirely absent, as if to remind us that there is in truth no such thing as motiveless or mindless malignity. Thus, the crack in John Kerry’s mirror inspired him, subtly and indirectly, to begin to accomodate himself somewhat to the twenty-first century, but at the same time the hellish terrors of earlier centuries—Vietnam, Nicaragua, the Reagan weapons buildup in
October 13, 2004
The “John Kerry denies a New York Sun story that he may have initially received a dishonorable discharge” poem
The New York what’s* this now? Sorry, never heard of it. coda Vietnam. *** registration required. Sun article reprinted here (h/t Michelle Malkin)
October 12, 2004
A race-baiting Jeff Danziger* cartoon you’ll NEVER see
An actual race-baiting Jeff Danziger cartoon *not really. (h/t Malkin. More here, here, and here)
October 12, 2004
If instead of a pampered heiress Teresa Heinz Kerry were a poorly-constructed “knock knock” joke
Knock knock “Whoever is making that noise, Conchita, I want you to have him removed from the grounds at once. Then bring me the gin and my vibrating massage rod. And some ice cubes. And the lotion. Vaya. Prisa!”*
October 12, 2004
My eleventh brief conversation with a McIntosh apple
me: “So. Meet any nice people while I was away?” apple: me: “Make any new friends…?” apple: me: “…hello…?” apple: me: “…Oh come on. You’re not still angry because I didn’t take you to Baltimore with me, are you?” apple: “No, why should I be angry? After all, what apple wouldn’t enjoy staying here and being fondled inappropriately by that creepy INDC guy for five straight days.” me: “He did