My second brief conversation with the ghost of Tony Randall
Me: “So do they have, like, TV in heaven…?†Ghost of Tony Randall: “Blech. Do not get me started on the programming here.†Me: “Lot of gospel singing and such, eh?†Ghost of Tony Randall: “I wish. No, more like ‘Dukes of Hazard,’ ‘B.J. and the Bear,’ ‘Alice’—turns out God is something of a red state secularist.†Me: “Or else… maybe you’re in hell?” Ghost of Tony Randall: “Well, that
It reminds me of something
But I can’t quite put my finger on it…. **** update: Anne Frank, maybe?
9 names the UN would PREFER we give to the “not genocide” in Darfur
“Refugee Bingo” “The Sudenese government presents, Darfur on Ice!” “Just a few silly Arab militia men sowing their oats” “David Blaine’s The Incredible Disappearing Civilians of Displeasing Ethnicity” “People Pruning” “Mulching the Desert” “No Chocolate Wednesdays” “That little African misunderstanding” “‘Extreme Makeover’: The Dark Continent edition”* **** more.
It’s just like Bill to steal my birthday thunder by holding an anniversary party TODAY
But happy anniversary just the same, Bill. Were I a genie, I’d give the gift of having Peter Fonda inside you.
A note to those Hamilton College and University of Colorado students who are defending anti-American fire brand Ward Churchill on the grounds that his inflammatory rhetoric “makes people think”
Ward Churchill is the intellectual equivalent of a streaker. His wannabe-provocative rhetoric “makes you think” in roughly the same way that a bouncing penis flashing across the stage during an awards ceremony or a graduation “makes you think.” That is, it makes you think, “Wow. There goes a bouncing penis.”* Having said that, the University of Colorado granted this lanky-haired mudflap tenure. And a public university threatening to fire a
Happy Birthday to Me!
Well, I asked for a snowboard, but I suppose a borderline retard is nice, too… Anyway, it’s the thought that counts. **** update: The joy is spreading!
Scenes from an Italian Restaurant
Billy Joel: “A bottle of red. A bottle of white. Whatever kind of mood you’re in tonight…” Former supermodel Christie Brinkley: “Oh for Chrissakes, must we do this every time, Billy? Just give me my goddamn check, okay?”