12 Replies to “Pre-Valentine’s Day wishes from Anna Nichole Smith, 1”

1. Daniel says:

   February 1, 2005 at 9:00 pm

   “I don’t want any chocalate this year – just, y’know, _____. _______, um, I don’t know…_____ is my guess.”

2. Robert Crawford says:

   February 1, 2005 at 9:04 pm

   “I don’t want any chocalate this year – just, y’know, shiny shit. Baubles ‘n’ (beads?), um, I don’t know… whatever else is shiny I guess.”

3. Darren says:

   February 1, 2005 at 9:08 pm

   I think it’s “I don’t want any choclate this year.  Just you know, shiny shit.  Little baubles and beads, umm I don’t know.  Whatever else is shiny I guess”.

4. Sticky B says:

   February 1, 2005 at 9:43 pm

   I was just gonna say, that I actually understood every word of this shit, this time. I may be slowly assimilating into her world. Hope there’s still a little of that Houston oil money left when I get there.

5. Ana says:

   February 1, 2005 at 11:29 pm

   Anna Nicole!!! Anna Nicole!!! We have missed you soooooo. Shouldn’t this be her Mardi Gras post, though? Beads and all.

6. Lyndsey says:

   February 2, 2005 at 12:23 am

   Thatta girl, Anna Nicole–DO NOT mess up your TrimSpa contract, whatever you do.

7. JWebb says:

   February 2, 2005 at 4:41 am

   When Martha leaves Camp Cupcake, can she and Anna go on a road trip to Jesusland? Pleeeese?

   …with you as the embed CITIZEN JOURNALIST, of course.

8. McGehee says:

   February 2, 2005 at 5:05 am

   You’re all wrong. She’s saying, “Please, Mr. Terrorists, don’t hurt my swarthy love doll! Release him unharmed and send him back to me, and I’ll teach all your camels how to give hummers!”

9. capitano says:

   February 2, 2005 at 7:17 am

   Lightweight Harry Reid is stranded while on a fact finding tour of the Middle East.  His only hope of reuniting with his tour is to cross 200 km of open desert, but there are no car rentals—only one camel stable. 

   Unfortunately for LHR, the proprietor claims he has none for rent; but Harry persists: “What about that one?”
   
   “Not for Hire, that’s OLD RAY – a most peculiar camel.”
   
   “Nonsense, if he can make it across the desert, I will double your usual rate.  How soon can I leave?”
   
   “As you wish, but I must warn you that OLD RAY often stops for no reason and refuses to continue.  When that happens, only one thing will get him to continue and it is most disgusting.  Short of that you will be stranded in the desert with no hope of rescue.”
   
   “Well he appears to be a perfectly normal camel,

10. Ana says:

    February 2, 2005 at 4:26 pm

    Well finish the damned joke Capitano.

11. spongeworthy says:

    February 2, 2005 at 6:25 pm

    Well if he won’t I will.

    “Not really, you have to keep your fingers out of the way, though.”

12. capitano says:

    February 3, 2005 at 1:39 am

    “Well he appears to be a perfectly normal camel,

    “how much more disgusting can THIS camel be?”

    Camel Owner: “When OLD RAY stops, he will require you to masturbate him to continue on your journey—nothing less will do.”

    Lightweight Harry: “Pshaww, I don’t believe it for a minute; I’ll buy some delicacies and coax him if he balks.”

    [3 hours later in the desert]

    OLD RAY comes to a halt and no amount of threats will move him, so Lightweight Harry offers him a handful of figs, but OLD RAY bats his eyes and shakes his head to the figs, as he does with the sugar cubes, and the pomegranates.  Exasperated Harry looks in the camel’s eyes and makes the universal hand sign for masturbation.  OLD RAY’s eyes open wide and he nods his shaggy head; five minutes later they are underway. This scenario is repeated twice more, but when they are in the most desolate region of the desert and night is falling, OLD RAY stops a fourth time and this time nothing works.

    Lightweight Harry: “I offered you everything, figs [head shake], sugar [head shake], pomegranates [head shake], this [universal hand sign for masturbation] [head shake], what do you want?

    OLD RAY:  “Schlu-u-u-u-r-p-p-p!”

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