When debriefing a potentially compromised beet, the careful examiner will pay special attention to the condition of the attatched foliage, where any edge burn or crystalline damage to the cellular structure of the leaves could signal a low-grade Magnoliophyta trauma of the kind commonly found in angiosperms having undergone graduated, temperature-intense torture regimens. Should the examiner notice such physical peculiarities in his subject, he is advised to secure the beet
February 3, 2005
If instead of a dead old kleptocrat surrounded by a legion of horny, circumcised demons, Yassir Arafat were the new chairman of the DNC
Arafat: “Frankly, I think this whole so-called ‘global terrorist threat’ has been overhyped by the ‘neocons’ for partisan political gain.” update: “And by ‘neocons,’ I naturally mean ‘Jews.’”
February 3, 2005
UNquestionable malfeasance
From FOXNews The man who ran the U.N. Oil-for-Food program “seriously undermined” the integrity of the United Nations, a U.N.-authorized investigation of the troubled program found in a report released Thursday. The report found that Benon Sevan broke the rules by allegedly trying to obtain oil vouchers from Saddam Hussein’s regime in Iraq. Sevan has been accused of receiving about $1 million worth of lucrative oil vouchers but he has
February 3, 2005
“You are a little bastard…You stole an instalanche, plain and simple.”
As a show of solidarity for silenced 13-year-old blogger Austin (of Ponderings of a Political Teen), protein wisdom will remain dark for the rest of the morning. At least, y’know, until I shower and get back from Best Buy. Remember: You can silence our blogs, but YOU CANNOT TAKE OUR FREEDOM!* **** ©THE ALLIANCE OF CITIZEN JOURNALISTS **** update: FREE AUSTIN T-SHIRTS© now available thru my Cafe Press store.* Austin
February 3, 2005
Wow
The last time I teamed with a buddy to beat up a 13-year old we were both 9. But a tough 9. Like a couple of tiny, wiry bulls. Not that I’m passing judgment, mind you.
February 3, 2005
in which I sum up the official Democratic response to the State of the Union address
Iraq: DON’T BELIEVE YOUR EYES! IT’S A FREAKING MESS! Social Security: WITH OUR PLAN, EVERYONE GETS BENEFITS FOR EVER AND EVER, AND NOTHING EVER NEED CHANGE. WITH THE PRESIDENT’S PLAN? HELL ON EARTH AND ETERNAL DAMNATION (SECULARLY SPEAKING), WITH SENIORS FORCED TO SURVIVE ON FRUIT ROLL-UPS AND TANG CRYSTALS. WHILE SLEEPING IN SEWAGE. The War on Terror: WE ARE NOT SAFE! BUSH HAS NOT MADE US SAFE! THE ONLY REASON
February 2, 2005
Notes from a CITIZEN JOURNALIST, 2
A source close to protein wisdom is reporting that President Bush will give some sort of big speech this evening, and that in this speech he will make frequent use of the word “freedom.” More once I’m able to corroborate the details. **** update: If—as is the case with this CITIZEN JOURNALIST—you have exorbitant credit card debt and no reliable source of income, the latest recently-announced Fed hike in short-term
February 2, 2005
Overheard inside a Falluja bunker, Wednesday, Feb 2.
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi: “As a result of our failure to derail Sunday’s populist scramble for libertine ‘freedoms,’’ the Great Satan has achieved something of a public relations coup. To counter this temporary setback to our cause, I propose we execute a series of coordinated attacks on high-ranking Iraqi election officials—car bombs, sniper attacks, ambush assassinations, that sort of thing. Agreed?” First Militant: “You got my vote, big guy!” Abu Musab