…for all your advice and assistance and generosity during my recent equipment crisis. Were this 1973, and were I the Hilltop Singers, I’d surely buy you each a Coke. And in a bottle, too—not one of those little waxpaper cups the machines used to spit out in the early 70s. Which, I never thought that was very sanitary, by the way—squirting syrupy pseudo-Coke right into the cup like that. In
March 1, 2005
The Annotated Chris Rock
what follows is an excerpt from the transcript of Chris Rock’s Oscar™ monologue, glossed for your convenience. When Bush got into office he had a surplus of money. Now there’s like a $70 trillion dollar deficit.¹ Now, just imagine you worked at the Gap. [laughter] You’re closing out your register, and there’s $70 trillion dollars short. [laughter] The average person would get in trouble for something like that, right? Not
February 28, 2005
Get by with a little help from your (murderous and fanatical medievalist) friends
From FOXNews: Recent communications between Usama bin Laden and Abu Musab al-Zarqawi indicate that bin Laden has “encouraged Zarqawi and his group to focus on attacks inside the United States,” multiple U.S. officials told FOX News on Monday. The sources would not get into detail about how the communication was made or how it was intercepted by the United States. They also said that there is nothing specific in the
February 28, 2005
“People on ludes should NOT drive. Or present awards at the Oscars, for that matter.”
**** More.
February 28, 2005
If instead of a paranoid Congressman with a penchant for vaguely-formed and unsubstantiated conspiracy theories, Maurice Hinchey (D-NY) were a Quarter Pounder with cheese
Hinchey: “I can’t prove it just yet, mind you, but I’m almost certain that Karl Rove was behind the whole McDonald’s “supersize me” campaign—a carefully-orchestrated Republican marketing strategy aimed at killing off Democratic-leaning minority voters by convincing them to ingest high doses of saturated fat and sodium at an insidiously low price. “The evil bastard.”*
February 28, 2005
Film reviews in five words or less, #21
I Heart Huckabees (2004) Directed by David O. Russell. Stars Jason Schwartzman, Dustin Hoffman, Lily Tomlin, Jude Law, Mark Wahlberg, Naomi Watts, and Isabelle Huppert. Five words or less review: “Like tequila, only with actors.â€Â
February 28, 2005
Creating new terrorists: Chimpy McHitlerBurton’s smirky rodeo ride through history continues, #4
From the BBC: Lebanese opposition supporters have held a rally in Beirut demanding the resignation of the government, in defiance of a ban on demonstrations. About 10,000 protesters – many of whom waved Lebanese flags – also called on Syria to withdraw from Lebanon. Many demonstrators blame Syria for the recent killing of former Lebanese Prime Minister Rafik Hariri. The rally comes as parliament meets to discuss an opposition-sponsored motion
February 28, 2005
A Poem from 1968, Revised by the Ghost of Richard Brautigan, 2005
Automatic Anthole Driven by hunger, I Michael Moore had another forced bachelor multi-course dinner tonight. I He had a lot of trouble making up my his mind whether to eat Chinese food or have a hamburger. God, I he hate[s] eating dinner alone from a single food genre. It’s like being dead. [So he had both, plus some jerk chicken and biscuits]
Former teen idol Leif Garrett comments on the Supreme Court’s decision to exempt those under 18 from the death penalty
Garrett: “Well, I’m not sure I can agree with the Supreme Court on this one. Because let me tell you something, brother: I’ve met a few fifteen and sixteen year-old chicks in my time who were every bit as grown up as the twenty-two, twenty-three-year old Friday’s waitresses I seem to be banging in bunches these days. More open to suggestion, too. “I mean, when’s the last time anybody talked