Top of the seventh, two on, two out.  On a 1-2 count, I throw Albert Pujols a sharp slider just off the plate outside, which—forced to protect the plate—he swings at and tops harmlessly to short.  Inning over. **** update: after a bloop double by my catcher to start the bottom of the seventh, I’m left in to sacrifice him over to third, which I do so successfully on a

[Enter the Ghost, and Bill O’Reilly following] O’Reilly: I’m not one of those pinheads who believes in ghosts, but go on.  I’ll give you the last word. Ghost: Mark me — O’Reilly:—But no spinning.  Or I’ll have to cut you off.  For the folks.  Go. Ghost: My hour is almost come When I to sulph’rous and tormenting flames Must render up myself — O’Reilly:—Yeah, it’s called a hard break.  By

A stick, some string, a bent paper clip, a few kernels of corn… Not that it’s any better than getting pissed on non-stop by total strangers on the internet, mind you.  Just, well…different. **** update:  Can you smell that?  Why, it’s honeysuckle…!

The increasingly humorless John Hawkins is going to great pains to explain away his own mistakes regarding our last radio show interview with Michele Catalano.  Using words like integrity and honesty, our self-righteous hero is continuing his onslaught from the frantically partisan soapbox of RightWingNews.  And it’s starting to piss me off. So allow me to summarize briefly:  Looking to make Michele appear a crazed bitch, Hawkins pointed his readers

     When the man opened his freezer with vague hopes of finding a stray Dove Bar, he was surprised to find the severed head of Jimmy Carter staring back at him, its peppery eyebrows flecked with frost, eyes wide and empathic, full pink lips glazed and heavy with ice.      “Jesus,” the man said, taking a step back.  “What are you doing in my freezer, Jimmy Carter’s severed head?”      But the ex-President’s

Zero Day (2003) Directed by Ben Coccio.  Stars Andre Keuck, Calvin Robertson, Rachel Benichak, and Christopher Coccio. Five words or less review: Hannity would fucking hate this.* *very highly recommended; see also, Elephant

Good question.  Let’s go think about this.

During its third season, “Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place” changed its name to “Two Guys and a Girl” in order to shorten the title for onscreen tv listings—not because show star Traylor Howard “thinks Wops are filthy, garlic-caked cheese guzzlers who stink of Drakkar,” as a co-star Ryan Reynolds notes in an easter egg on the SE DVD of National Lampoon’s Van Wilder.

Hawkins:  “No, I only owe you $1200 if you have three houses on it.  And those are not houses.  Those are little plastic figurines molded to look like houses.  So. Take the $375 and pass me the dice.”