The increasingly humorless John Hawkins is going to great pains to explain away his own mistakes regarding our last radio show interview with Michele Catalano. Using words like integrity and honesty, our self-righteous hero is continuing his onslaught from the frantically partisan soapbox of RightWingNews. And it’s starting to piss me off.
So allow me to summarize briefly: Looking to make Michele appear a crazed bitch, Hawkins pointed his readers toward her “meltdown” on air so as to embarrass her by giving everyone a laugh at her expense. But when it turned out he’d been taken in by the gag (“Are you afraid God will smite you?” “Are you afraid that, being and atheist, you’ll be shunned at church?”), he decided to try to save face by making this into an issue of journalistic ethics. Which is funny, because he’s just a fucking blogger.
Well, I also run a blog—not a newspaper. And our radio show has done interviews like the one we did with Michele since day one (with the exception that this time we tried to put a little twist on the conventions we’d established). That John couldn’t be bothered to find this out before posting is his problem. He’s embarrassed, and rather than just move on, he wants to make this into a big philosophical debate. Which I offered to do by inviting him on the show. He declined.
So. You want to talk about journalistic ethics and credibility, John? Fine. But newsflash: you are the one whose credibility is called into question by all this. You didn’t vet your story carefully enough, and you came across looking just a tad clueless. How can your readers ever believe you again? How will they go on?
Me, I’m confident when I have something serious to say, my readers will know it—even if I haven’t carefully labeled my post with a satire or parody tag. They’re perceptive that way, my readers.
And I suggest that it might not be such a bad idea if some people in the blogosphere stopped taking themselves so fucking seriously.
Finis.
update: For those of you who missed the show, you can listen to it now.
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I get it. The f word signifies comedy.
This very post is satire.
Brilliant. I would say f’n brilliant, but I’d only confuse myself whether this comment is satire or not. Or maybe I should have included it. F’n is so confusing.
And I suggest that it might not be such a bad idea if some people in the blogosphere stopped taking themselves so fucking seriously.
A-friggin-men.
Me, I’m confident when I have something serious to say, my readers will know itâ€â€even if I haven’t carefully labeled them satire or parody. They’re perceptive that way.
Are you saying you didn’t actually call up the lead singer of Naked Eyes to have it out? Dang…..there goes my brilliant article defending the integrity of 80s pop culture icons, and attacking the conservative bloggers who demean them face-to-face.
What a hack
I dunno Jeff, this is the same guy who broke the “Leno’s Monologue Is A House of Lies” story back in ‘03, so he has some street cred.
Why do you still care. The rest of us tired of it long ago. At this point you’re just giving this guy free pub. STOP.
Yeah Pursuit, I’m sure if a story that mischaracterized you got picked up by <a href=”http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6409077/”>MSNBC</i>, you’d just ignore it.
I care because he’s going after Michele’s credibility with Command Post. And that pisses me off. Plus MSNBC blog picked up the story, so I want the record set straight.
Personally, I don’t give two fucks what Hawkins thinks.
Sorry, botched entry, I shall reiterate my sarcasm:
Yeah Pursuit, I’m sure if a story that mischaracterized you got picked up by MSNBC, you’d just ignore it.
I, for one, think that Pursuit is very ma-too-uh.
Bravo, Pursuit. Bravo, indeed.
You all have sand in your vaginas. This seriosuly isn’t a big f’n deal. Nobody even listens to the show.
Like anyone believes Wil Femia since he caved in to Anil Dash and wondered openly and pointedly if LGF was a “hate site.”
Well then, “blkmktbabydealer”, you just took the time to show up and comment on a an issue that isn’t a big deal and a radio show you haven’t listened to. Don’t you just love people that show up just to talk about how much everybody else whouldn’t be talking about something?
Next amazing feat: calls Hannity show to complain about what a waste of time it is for people to call radio shows. Writes letter to newspaper pointing out that nobody reads nespapers. Head then explodes from cognitive dissonance.
People who feel that this isn’t a big enough deal to merit comment by the involved parties, yet feel their own opinion on how it’s no big deal is sufficiently important to compel them to comment: That’s an 8.7 out of 10.0 on the Irony Scale, by my reckoning.
Hmm…
I wonder if this is a staged response to a staged radio show to ellicit this level of attention?
What if Hawkins is a member of this trifecta of deceit? It would be the grandest prank within the past month or so.
Well, either way, fake drama or real drama, this is the funniest thing I have read on-line in a long time.
The problem here lies with Jeff and his sidekick Bill. Jeff refers to the Catalano bit as an ‘interview’, not as a bit or a gag.
Witness the title to this blog entry:
Interview.
Orson Welles did not refer to his “War of the Worlds” as a news broadcast after the event, it was a radio play.
Jeff, however, after his initial error of thinking that his show has some sort of well-established pattern or history or, for that matter, format that all should recognize compounds the mistake by refering to the bit as an ‘interview’ when it was not. It was sort-of/kind-of extemporaneous theater.
None of which doesn’t make Hawkins a humor-deprived ass. Apparently John wants to be the Zephyr Teachout of the Right.
However, the solution to this brouhaha is simple: all can be made right with the blogworld by returning to the roots of teh interweb.
Michele should post her tits.
Jeff and Bill, not so much.
#1, you looney bastard, Jeff is MY sidekick.
Number two, it was an interview, we just had a good idea what the answer to one of the questions would be …
And my bare chest is nice … very nice. You might like it.
BumperStickerist:
Hear, hear! I say, well put, chappy!
About the titties, that is.
Turing word: life. As in “Fred should get a…”
And I also wish to rise in defense of the notion that people should take themselves too effing seriously on the internet.
Why? Cause it makes me laugh.
Wow, I had no idea this was picked up by MSNBC, nor was I aware of the Command Post issue. Really, I just didn’t see the big deal here. Sorry, Bill I wasn’t being ma too ah, so much as I thought you had better things to do than shoot at gnats. Obviously, the MSNBC angle changes things a bit, which is why I asked the question.
That said, it occurs to me that more people probably heard the show, than picked it up on MSNBC.
Jeff,
Thanks for the essay. Now I have a clearer understanding of “tempest in a teacup.”
Cordially…
Russell-Crowe-in-Gladiator nice?
I *would* like a distractiom from Hawkins with his pants down.
or even a distraction.
Someone needs to introduce Mr. Hawkins to rule number one when you find you’ve dug yourself into a hole.
I don’t understand jokes. Jeff and Bill are big liars. The-cool-kids-are-making-fun-of-me. Iamrubberyouareglue. I’m telling! MA! They’re pickin’ on me!
This here’s some comedy boys and girls. You can’t make this shit up.
My one and only comment on the whole fiasco:
Hawkins: Lighten up. You’re coming off like a little bitch. Or, as my submittal code word says, a major bitch
Jeff and company: Sorry to say it, but the joke sucked. If it had been funny, you would not have had any “controversy.”
Your reputations aren’t tarnished, your integrity is not shatered…that’s all just retarded drama queen nonsense. It was just a terrible, ill-concieved and poorly performed “bit” that was never funny to begin with. Unlike the writing that all of you do, which is almost always funny and thought-provoking.
Face it kids, you’re NOT sketch comedy artists.
(shakes Ana) Girl! Wake up! (shakes) It’s just a bad dream!
Thanks Jim!
and that’s all, folks!
Jeff, I left radio in the 90’s, when it died the ninth (or nineteenth) death of its lifespan. I have been an FM jock, a talk host and a hack writing terrible commercials and played-out radio bits.
Don’t get pissy, the joke failed on every level. Learn from it and move on. I’m not attacking your ability or integrity. No need to start a fight with me.
Oh nice, you changed your comment as I was replying. Cute.
CALL HAWKINS, I HAVE PROOF THAT JEFF HAS NO INTEGRITY. SOMEONE GET ME ON CNBC, I’M A BLOGGER DAMMIT AND I HAVE A STORY!
It’s about the COMMENTS!
(Still love you, Jeff, even though you got pissy then edited the pissiness
)
BREAKING: JimK throws grenade but leaves the pin in!
Hey Jim —
And I’ve published fiction and taught writing and argument. Want me to pronounce on the quality of your blog? Let me know. Because I wouldn’t presume to do so otherwise.
I’m amazed that people feel free enough to come over here and say these kinds of things. I mean, where did you people grow up?
As for the bit. Some people found it funny; others didn’t. Personally, I liked it. So my guess is that when you say it failed on every level, it failed on every level that a former FM disc jockey and writer of terrible and played-out radio bits thinks is successful.
I had a joke reply about “must credit Wonkette” with a breaking reply, Diane. It also involved man-tits, indecisiveness and John Hawkins, but the punchline sucked, so I didn’t use it.
I think I need a ghost writer.
I’m telling you this is all staged. All 3 of them are hanging out in a wireless hot spot, chugging Latte’s and laughing their asses off.
The joke ain’t over yet!
Wow, Jeff…thick skin you have there. If I promise to only sing your praises and never, EVER criticize any tiny aspect of any thing you ever do, could you possibly ever deign to forgive me?
Jesus…calm down, dude. What was it you said?
“And I suggest that it might not be such a bad idea if some people in the blogosphere stopped taking themselves so fucking seriously.”
Oh yeah.
Just because I don’t take myself too seriously isn’t an invitation for you to come here and shit on me, Jim. If you didn’t like the bit, that’s fine. But your grand pronouncements on how if failed on every level, and on our fitness to do sketch comedy, etc., is just fucking rude.
If you want to go on thinking what you said is constructive, and that my unwillingness to let it go without a response is testament to some failure in my character, go for it. But I’m just letting you know that what you said was hardly tactful, and that it came off as hugely condescending and hurtful.
Listen: Bill and I have been bashed extensively for venturing outside of the blog medium. I have invited constructive criticism, and I’ve had chats with many people via email to that end.
But you posted your rude critique in public, on my site. So don’t start whining about the thinness of my skin when I come back and tell you that doing so was gauche.
Gauche? I must assume it means “Once who acts as a deuche”
Hawkins having a silly take on something? Dog bites man.
Oh, and has anyone found out what Puce thinks of all this?
Wow. Never thought I’d see the day, Jeff.
So be it. *I* am an asshole. So let it be pronounced by you for all time.
BTW, I never said negative word one about anything else you, bill or anyone else has done except this ill-concieved and unfunny “interview.” If you want to expand that into some all-encompassing accusation that everything you do is suspect…that’s on YOU, brother, not me. I have praised you many a time for being a funny guy. I forgot funny guys often have terribly thin skins.
My apologies for thinking you could handle something said with a fucking smiley face at the end of it. Whatever was I thinking, thinking the writer of THIS blog would get the wink.
I’m confident when I have something serious to say, my readers will know it
What the fuck? You’ve said something serious here? I guess some of us aren’t that perceptive. Come to think of it, my gfs keep telling me that too.
I probably mistook it for ironically pretending to be serious, when in fact we all knew (or thought we knew) you were actually only being serious as a subtle joke.
So, Jim … you’d take that as a reasonable critique?
Although I did assume the Michele thing was a joke, while my gf didn’t. So I’ve got that over her.
My rule is, always err on the side of not taking anything seriously.
Diana…the drama queen stuff was in reference to Hawkins carrying on. To be explicit: I was calling John Hawkins a drama queen.
Diane,
Sounds like someone didn’t get the joke. Hence the criticism.
Which, for satire, is kind of the whole fucking point. The fact it fooled so many people just speaks to how well-executed it was.
Hey, if you want obvious, rent a Three Stooges movie. Jeff’s a little more subtle.
Ok, I get that now that you’ve put it in context.
Seriously, Jim, some of us found the interview pretty funny.
I didn’t call you an asshole, Jim. And I didn’t make a sweeping assessment of your character based on your ill-advised and totally uncivil posts. I said your critique was rude, and that you shouldn’t compound your faux pas by blaming me for pointing it out.
You keep wanting to write this off to my thin skin. It’s not. It’s about the tenor of the public dump you took on my site.
If you are honestly hoping to suggest that I can’t take a joke, good luck. But I’m not interested in any more of these petty blog wars. If I offended you, I apologize. Buck up. Each minute begins a new day.
Diana: Well, there’s no accounting for taste.
(2, 3, 4…)
I’m kidding.
Maybe I could have worded what I said differently…I’m not always…clear, I guess. I think it’s clear and then it looks like a jumbled mess later. So, I’m a dick for all time now I suppose. So be it.
If you found it funny…then I guess it was a success.
Christ, Jim. Did you actually run over to your site and throw up a post about this?
That’s it. I pronounce the blogosphere dead and cordially take my leave.
LOL
Jeff, are you, the man who posted 832 posts about this topic, actually going to criticize my ONE post, which is so fucking clearly a joke that one wowuld have to be Terry Schiavo to not see it?
Are you kidding me here?
Holy shit, did I step through a fucking funhouse mirror?
Hey Jim …. breathe and smile
I thought it was real at first… until I realised that Jeff and Michele weren’t flaming each other in their own blogs. If Michele had been serious, Jeff would have been up her nose faster than a line of Columbian sugah. So it took me two days to figure it out, which is about a day-and-a-half after all the non-idiots figured it out.
God help those who took THIS post to explain matters…
Seriously, there is a wiff of “drama queen” in the air.
Or maybe that’s just Jeff’s shame.
Whatever.
As much as I enjoy a good blog cat fight, this one’s taking on a flava that I just can’t savor. Knowhatumsaying?
Hey Jim —
How was my performance this time? Whaddya say, did I pull it off?
Heheheheh
Shit, man. I absolutely slay me.
Personally, I was just pissed off that two of my favorite bloggers apparently jumped on another of my favorite bloggers and then sat back and laughed while I acted like a complete tool trying to defend Michele when she needed no defending. Once I heard the WHOLE interview and it was clearer that the whole thing was a joke, which Sparkle tried to tell me, and tell me, and tell me, I FELT like a complete tool.
But Jeez, I’m over it. I can laugh it off and admit that I was a tool. But then I’m a hack and have never thought of myself as a “Citizen Journalist” and will go for the d*ck joke whenever it will work too. Too much time with aircraft maintainers…
Like I said last night, just because ya been punk’d, doesn’t mean you have to stay a punk.
I’m sorry, I have to go. I need to type up 831 more posts about Jeff and I only have three good typing fingers.
Timmer —
I actually tried to leave a comment on your site that day telling you it was fake. But when I went back, the comment was gone. I thought you deleted it.
Yeah, I told Sparkle, too—and a few others—because I saw minor skirmishes breaking out, and we didn’t want people fighting over this. We just wanted to prank those we could by throwing a spin on our gag interviews (which are typically us asking smart ass questions and our guests just sitting back taking it).
Lighten up, Jim —
I was fucking with you. Made you put up a post, too. And that’s worth, like, 8000 Kaufman points.
I just wanna know, at the end of the day out of all of these bloggers, who has the bigger dick?
Wait- no I don’t.
Yeah, I deleted the post I put up. I tried to take the joke to a different level but I was still too wrapped up and caffeine loaded (long day at work and a killer workout) and it basically sucked. No worries man. Now that I know you’ve got a mean Kaufman streak though…don’t get cancer…’k?
I want it on record that I have no dick!
FWIW, I didn’t read Hawkin’s original post as a slam on Michele. I thought he was puzzled, confused, and having a sort of online “double-take.”
And in subsequent updates, it did seem that he was trying to figure out what had really happened–whether it was serious, or a goof.
“Made you put up a post, too”
By that rationale, Hawkins owns your ass, buddy.
Bill: We know I’m an asshole. We’ve established that. Thanks, though!
Hey JimK, just because I like you, I’ma let you in on a secret – your family, “friends,” co-workers and old classmates?
They all hate you, dude. Trust me. Sh-sh-shhhhhh. Just trust me.
It seems like the thing I see debated about this now is whether or not the joke was funny. That’s obviously a subjective judgement based on whomever heard it. If some people didn’t find it funny, so be it. There has never been a comedian that hasn’t heard crickets chirping at one time or another. Personally, I like the chirping crickets—they soothe me in a warm, womb-like way.
To me, the issue is Hawkins deciding that everybody needs to fit into one of his little categories. “Ooh, Michele and Bill, you are serious journalists, so no madcap comedy for you. Jeff, it’s OK, he’s a humor blog. But, shame on you, Michele and Bill.” To me, Hawkins is exactly the person that Jeff is parodying with the whole “Citizen Journalist” schtick. A self-important, uptight asshole who thinks he is somebody when he is just another dick behind a keyboard.
The part that had my jaw on the floor was when I heard comparisons of the bit to Rathergate. If anybody honestly thinks there is a comparison, maybe they need to douse the visions of Edward R. Murrow dancing in their heads and help the nice man who needs $10 on pump #4. Just my two cents.
Bill: did you know that we once fought a war in Vietnam? Seriously. In Southeast Asia.
Old news is FUN!
But now the obvious question is: is this exhange between Jeff and JimK real? Or is this another, well-executed mock flamewar, possibly with Bill playing “JimK” and, in a stroke of sheer satirical genius, later posting as himself in the same thread??
Hold on a second…
/gets popcorn
/sounds of flushing toilet
OK, resume the drama. Dance, voices in the ether ! DANCE for my amusement !
Attila Girl —
I didn’t.
I can’t dance, Yogi. Everyone hates me and it has sucked the dance out of my heart.
If only I could get the quirky red-headed girl to notice ME instead of Andrew McCarthy.
random unrelated thought: I still miss Allah’s photoshops.
I mean, that was the whole reason I got interested in blogs in the first place.
Could you make clogging noises on the desk for me plz?
I got popcorn and everything…
Kaufman points, Jeff? Kaufman points? Is that supposed to be some sort of reference to that no talent dead SOB that kept ripping off my act?
‘Cause I know people, ya know? This is my town and I can get you whacked.
If only I could get the quirky red-headed girl to notice ME instead of Andrew McCarthy.
She has noticed you, JimK. Now she’s just avoiding you.
It might have had something to do with when you told her that though she has a “total butterface,” she’s got some “milkcans to die for.”
“It might have had something to do with when you told her that though she has a “total butterface,†she’s got some “milkcans to die for.—
Sure, I say nice things about her rack and she gets all uppity.
You’d think she was a blogger or something.
I just want to know, is Jeff the funny one or the normal one? Cause I find both Bill and Jeff pretty weird and funny.
And can anyone find a fake interview post by Hawkins somewhere in his archives? Everyone does a fake interview at some point, right?
Fuck all this.
WHERE’S MY PIE?!?
The major part of the humor in the radio ‘bit’ was not the ‘bit’ itself, but the ensuing kerfuffle over it in the interested blogs. [Hence it’s pretty damn stupid to criticize the segment itself for not having ‘punch lines’ or a f’n laugh track.] Reminds me of what Christo said to some guy who didn’t like his ‘Running Fence’ during the whole politicking and schmoozing runup to actually getting the thing installed–’My art is also the reaction to my art–all of you, even now, are part of the artwork’. I paraphrase–it was something like that. [What would the internet equivalent of the wrapped Reichstag be, I wonder. . .the wrapped Instapundit. . .the wrapped Right Wing News. . .hm. . .]
But anyhow, Hawkins baby–maybe you don’t GET the humor–but you ARE the humor.
I just love it when they call me Sparkle….
Matt, Jeff is the normal AND funny one.
I’m KIDDING BILL!!!!! Don’t start in on me! Please!…..
Dead on, Alex. Which is why all the complaints of our “lying” about it afterwards is just silly. The show ran for the next 23 hours and all weekend, so I took great care in public not to give the gag away while answering truthfully (eg., the show was not “rehearsed” or “scripted,” though all involved knew the premise) for the benefit of those who wished to check it out later.
The questions and the tension were supposed to be uncomfortably funny, but the reaction—could we get people to buy it, and if so, how would they respond—was part of the gag, not just random fallout.
Here’s something else to piss you off. I just found out my blogroll link to you doesn’t work.
Fucker.
You’d think she was a blogger or something.
Now that’s just stereotyping, JimK. Lots of bloggers aren’t “uppity;” some are just aggressively stupid and obnoxious, in a way that’s vaguely repellant to the people cursed by their need to opine.
I don’t understand why people got mad because they thought it was real and then found out it wasn’t. I sure as hell thought it was real. I was over at Micheles trying to get her to understand that Bill and Jeff were joking!! (of which I have since been accused of being some sort of lap kitten for Jeff..geeze!) but when Jeff told me I thought it was funny (I also thought Michele probably thought I was an idiot) until I figured out that ALOT of people were fooled.
Then I felt better.
The Ace blog comments were hilarious though, really. Almost as good as the radio show.
I just wanna know, at the end of the day out of all of these bloggers, who has the bigger dick?
Me. 8 inches flaccid. But when I’m turned on by controversy over blogging integrity, this thing goes PAST 11, baby.
Bill, I’m starting to be strangely attracted to you. BE. CAREFUL.
I’m sorry, but John Hawkins is right. If, say, Bill were to scoop a major story similar to Rathergate in the future, I’d have to ask myself, “…or is this like that time when he and his sidekick asked an atheist how she was treated in church?” I’m sorry if I can’t easily forget what I call the “Swarm of Locusts Affair”. I also refuse to read newspapers that run fake April Fool’s Day stories. Because of THE HYPOCRISY!
Jeff,
Ok, your voice *is* kinda arousing in a “manly kinda way”…but that is absolutely, positively, the furthest I go. And I only meld after the annual shedding of the exoskeleton (sometime during the first week of May).
A voice in the wilderness, in northern Illinois, south of the Cheddar Curtain. â„¢
I was gonna let it go…
But you fuckers need to start crediting good old Fred with being the first into this scuffle with the Andy Kaufman reference. Cos a lot of you are running fast and loose with the Kaufman comments without appropriate attribution. It’s like “hot linking” (or is it “deep linking”?). And I think we know from past dust-ups where that sort of thing can lead.
It’s fucking with my mental bandwith, a-holes.
Capiche?
Just in case anyone here is even thinking about challenging my “first in line” Kaufman bona fides: http://www.celluloid-wisdom.com/pw/index.php?/weblog/entry/18309/#83431
Fred, so you are trying to steal my schtick too?
Well, as I said, Tony Clifton knows people, so if you don’t want to not wake up in the middle of the desert, you better get some respect real quick.
You can have the schtick (truth be told, I never thought Andy was that funny), I just want the shout-outs for being the first to see that the radio bit was straight outta Andy’s playbook.
Seriously. I need the validation.
Oh man, not the “deep hot linking” again. THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
No, THINK OF THE FRED!!!!
Feed me people. Feed me.
Ahah! Alex has it “dead on”. That brings it into focus bigtime. I’ve seen this before.
Anyone who doesn’t get it now, go back and read his/her comment, then remember the “wood paneling” post.
Playing with people’s brains to make them part of your performance art. Tsk! No wonder such a kerfuffle.
Turing word: board.
Heh!
And no, I am not a cannibal. Geez. You forget the comma and the entire meaning is altered.
OK, Fred—you are an immortal among men and Malkin should quit her writing job to feed you grapes and perform dances in honor of Eros.
Something like that?
Damn, I step away for a few hours, and the place explodes.
I told you guys those cat farts can be lethal…