e=mc² I served heroically in Vietnam, I’ll have you know&178;*
August 13, 2004
Friday musing (casual dining edition)
Were Ted Kennedy a Swingline stapler instead of a beefy, patrician, hydrocephalic Massachusetts Senator, the waitresses at the Chinatown Hooters would be sporting perky pink asscheeks stuck through with staples instead of perky pink asscheeks coated with hot sauce smears shaped like the Senator’s greasy, saliva-soaked fingerprints.
August 13, 2004
You put the boom boom into my heart*
*Click pensive Mookie for details (h/t RWN sidebar)
August 13, 2004
red pills found behind the sofa cushions
That one dolphin in the navy blue pea coat is up to no good, mark my words. And that’s no umbrella he’s carrying, either.
August 12, 2004
Scenes from my driveway, continued x 32
Deadbeat neighbor: “…I’m not a racist, you know.” Me: “I know.” Deadbeat neighbor: “Because you called me a racist the other day…” Me: “I know, I remember.” Deadbeat neighbor: “Well, I’m not one…” Me: “I know.” Deadbeat neighbor: “Okay, good. As long as we have that straight…” Me: Deadbeat neighbor: Me: Deadbeat neighbor: “…So, that Halle Berry sure is one fly momma, ain’t she –?” Me: “– Okay, let’s just
August 12, 2004
Vice presidential candidate John Edwards attempts a hog call (or, I really should throw up a post before lunch)
“Sue-doctors! Suedoctors suedoctors suedoctors!”
August 12, 2004
A reminder to those covering the Republican National Convention
From the Weekly Standard‘s Andrew Ferguson: In 2004 the traditional chorus of complaints has swelled with a fresh set of high, piping voices. These were the bloggers, nearly a hundred of them, or so I heard, who were granted press credentials and workstations and who arrived in Boston and set to work with the earnest, insouciant enthusiasm of the hobbyist, which is their chief charm. From what I’ve gathered over
August 12, 2004
If instead of a pampered heiress Teresa Heinz Kerry were 70s blaxploitation icon John Shaft
Overheard in the Boston statehouse, July 25 Pittsburgh Tribune-Review reporter Colin McNickle: “In your speech, Mrs. Heinz Kerry, you said ‘We need to turn back some of the creeping, un-Pennsylvanian and sometimes un-American traits that are coming into some of our politics.’ What did you mean by un-American activity, precisely?” THK: “I didn’t say that, man. You’re putting words in my mouth.” Pittsburgh Tribune-Review reporter Colin McNickle: “No, you said
August 12, 2004
“Dr. Kerry is here to cure you all,’’ the Democratic candidate for president told 200 Nevada senior citizens yesterday…
…which so precisely illustrates the pandering paternalism of John Kerry the candidate that I have little more to offer, save to point out that 50% of the American electorate evidently wants to wake November 3rd to find this elitist fop’s finger in their ass.* Go figure.