nervous militant:  “I fear we’re in for a royal spanking here soon, Halil.  Unless of course that’s the US Men’s Olympic basketball team outside in those tanks.  In which case, y’know—praise Allah…!”

Dirty, Dirty Whore Chex Ooh, Bang Me in the Pooper, Cap’n! (with nuts and raisins) Excuse me, but I believe your dick is in my ass Crunch $400-a-Throw Stinky-O’s That Ain’t Frosting Flakes Happy Moistened Beaver Puffs My-Parents-Are-So-Proud-of-my-Famous-Asshole Krispies Super Sugar Walls FrankenJismberry **** Story here. More here, here, and here. **** update:  “It’s the crunchy, flaky, high-in-calcium nasty!” More here!

Q: How many US Men’s Olympic basketball team members does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Who cares?  They freakin’ suck.

Q: Why did the US Men’s Olympic basketball team cross the road? A: Because if you think getting your ass kicked by Puerto Rico is bad, you should try getting dunked on by a chicken.

In ancient Crete, “Sunday” meant “day when Jeff’s relatives visit and moon over his offspring, leaving him little time for anything else.” Today I am a Cretin. 

Is it true the New York Times editorial page editor was caught diddling an underage chicken named “Pretty Pecker”?  Or did I just eat too much salsa before bed again?

Is it true the New York Times editorial page editor was caught diddling an underage chicken named “Pretty Pecker”?  Or did I just eat too much salsa before bed again?

Today is Friday the 13th. Avoid juggling black cats.  And picking on witches. Trivia *The ancient Chinese regarded the number 13 as lucky.  Until the lot of them were devoured by locusts and pandas.  The newer, more prudent Chinese, I’m told, routinely cane the thirteenth person entering a room to within an inch of his or her life. *Some sources say the number 13 was intentionally vilified by the patriarchs

Knock knock. Who’s there? Dead fighters loyal to Moktada al-Sadr. Christ, not more of you guys.  For the last time, we don’t have any virgins for you here.  Try downstairs, okay?