—I’m afraid it ain’t going to happen today, sorry.  The little fella came down with a nasty shell fungus that, not to put too fine a point on it, looks like what might happen were a goat to eat several square feet of gray shag carpet, then manage to vomit it up in three surprisingly precise diamond patterns. Not being an expert on the ailments common to Dasypus novemcinctus, I

They fell for it! Speaking to The New York Sun from Gaza, a spokesman for the Popular Resistance Committees, Abu Abir, said the area in which the synagogues once stood is now used to fire rockets at Israel. “We are proud to turn these lands, especially these parts that were for long time the symbol of occupation and injustice, like the synagogue, into a military base and source of fire

me: “Don’t you have anything better to do than to bother a little boy?” the Croup: “Depends.  Are topless bars willing to wave the two drink minimum for viral infections?” the Croup: “Because if so, just lend me, say, forty dollars in singles, and I am SO there.”

“Man Blames Burrito For Paralysis” TAMPA, Fla.—A man who can no longer feed himself said an uncooked chicken burrito put him in a wheelchair. When asked to comment, Rodger Anderson, of Land O’ Lakes, said, “It was bad enough that it put me in a wheelchair, but when it pushed me down the stairs, that’s when I decided to sue.”

From Gerard Baker in the London Times: When President Bush goes into the Texas sunset, and especially if he is replaced by an enlightened, world-embracing Democrat, their one excuse, their sole explanation for all human suffering in the world will disappear too. And they may just find that the world is not as simple as they thought it was. It’s been a great ride for the past six years, hasn’t

Highlights: A miniscule portion of the people who read that story chose to take advantage of the anonymous, open forum nature of comments in our news section to express regret that the Vice President hadn’t been killed in the attack.

me: “So let me get this straight:  I pay you five dollars, and in return, you promise not to eat an ounce of roughage for, say, three days.  Meanwhile, I can eat as much in the way of beans and cabbage as I want—and in the end, we’re both absolved from any responsibility for personal methane production…?” poor Mexican migrant worker: ”Si.” me: “Interesting.  me: “—So.  Does this mean you