me: “Don’t you have anything better to do than to bother a little boy?”
the Croup: “Depends. Are topless bars willing to wave the two drink minimum for viral infections?”
the Croup: “Because if so, just lend me, say, forty dollars in singles, and I am SO there.”
Ahh, free range boobies. Is there anything they can’t cure?
Sounds like too good a deal to pass up. Those strippers usually have a good immune system anyway. At least the young ones do.
Robb-
Homosexuality?
Jeff needs to rent this.
I had that when I was four. Thought I was gonna die. P’s took me to hospital, I stayed overnight in a large crib with an oxygen mask. I thought: next stop is iron lung, and then I croak.
Around 1 AM I was still there, alone, lights still on. I was crying. A black guy with a mop comes through, sees me, asks me what’s wrong, I tell him I’m afraid to die.
He tells me I will be OK and mops the floor. He leaves, comes back 5 minutes later with a well-thumbed comic book for me to read. Comes back 5 minutes after that and sneaks me a snow cone.
Small acts of kindness for junior today.
That should be “oxygen tent”
If you grew up back then, Iron lungs and abandoned refrigerators were like the scariest things in the world.
Croup is awful. I had it many times as a child. Many, many nights in a rigged up tent with the vaporizer going full blast. It sucked as a kid having it, but it’s much worse as a parent watching your child go through it. My older little girl had it once and it broke my heart to hear that terrible cough and the accompanying tears. I hope your little boy gets better quickly, Jeff.
Jeff: I’m sorry to hear he’s ill. Hope he has a quick recovery.
FYI: waive
Absolutely! Have you ever seen a homosexual man at a boobie club? Ipso facto, it can cure teh ghey.
Good luck getting that stuff under control. There are few sounds more distressing to a parent than a small child hacking uncontrollably.
You know, I just realized I made a joke in a thread regarding a sick child.
If this were any other blog, I’d feel bad about that. However, here I can do so BECAUSE OF THE HYPOCRISY!!!!
Yeah, it’s a bitch. It happened with my second son, Matt the Marine.
Well, before he was a Marine.
Greatest quick relief for croup? Cold air. Which, despite global warming, we have plenty of here in Michigan.
Scariest (so far) child-thing I went through was RSV with an infant. She wasn’t a premie, so it could have been a lot worse.
Those hospital cage/cribs are just the worst.
“I thought: next stop is iron lung, and then I croak.”
Were you a diver at the tender age of 4?
Jeff
My sister in law is a respitory therapist, she says that the best is to have your physician prescibe steroids to you child or have your son take a steamy shower when he starts coughing. Good luck, I hope Satchel feels better
I always found that cool air cuts the symptoms. So bundle the little guy up and go watch some pick up hockey where the Av’s practice.
My croup was never too bad but asthma… I got stories. Deep, dark needle filled stories.
Bummer. Get well, little dude!
Pile on the Zinc, Vitamin C, echinacea, garlic… Keep those little immune system warriors well supplied.
It’s a polio thing.
Re: cold air. It works. When my son had asthma as a child I used to bundle him up and drive around with the window down late at night. Not only is it fun—wildlike spottings—but cold air in the face definitely helps breathing. In the case of croup, should also help the throat swelling which is the main problem. I guess you wouldn’t want to overdo it, though.
Mine was, and it was. All better now, thank G-d.
“He tells me I will be OK and mops the floor. He leaves, comes back 5 minutes later with a well-thumbed comic book for me to read. Comes back 5 minutes after that and sneaks me a snow cone.”
Nice story, Steve. Little things like that always do restore my faith in humanity. And then I catch a glimpse of “My Super Sweet 16” and feel like throwing up.
Croup sucks, man. Put my daughter in intensive care for a day. Scared the crap out of me.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery. There’s little worse than the helpless feeling of being unable to help your sick child feel better.
Of course you could take him to the strip bars and see if that works. May not help him feel better, but could work wonders on you.
CJD: Yeah, I agree. It’s important in life no matter how well educated you are or well off you are to be down to earth and keep some common sense. Unfortunately our culture encourages kids to aspire to be trashy little aristocrats.
Hmmm. Ken has a good idea. I’m betting the ladies would dance a little longer for only a $1 if a cute kid was holding it out for them. So, using smaller denominations coupled with longer service time really is an economical consideration.
Unless you factor in the divorce costs, but then you’d be a killjoy.
Two words…
Chicken soup.
or three words……
Jenna Jameson video (in the spare bedroom)
RSV
:::shudder::: twin grandsons were 6 weeks premature and we all spent the first year on alert for anything resembling any kind of breathing problems… they got all sorts of shots for that.
Steve
Yep, I’m old enough, too, to remember iron lungs. Even had a couple of gradeschool teachers who walked with legbraces and arm crutches who counted themselves as lucky to survive polio.
I never had the croup, but I remember having the 14day red measles… guarantined to a dark room, with a doctor making housecalls.
My daughter contracted pneumonia when she was about 13 months old. Helping to hold her down for the x-ray was perhaps the hardest part. This was mitigated by the nurse refusing to believe that she was really sick, since she is usually cheerful and alert even at her worst moments. The nurse insisted on giving her oral meds, which she then proceeded to hurl upon said nurse. It was that nasty bubble gum colored/flavored stuff. Heh.
She then got the doctor to administer the meds via injection while she cleaned up.
Darleen: I remember measles, mumps, and chicken pox AND house calls. Boy, those were the days ….
*cough*
waive
/*cough*
Scarlet fever, rubella, rubeola, mumps…you name it, I nearly died of it.
Somehow I ducked mumps and chickenpox as a kid
and came down with chickenpox right after my own kids had ‘em… I was 33 and it wasn’t pretty.
Slart
Good lord… did your parents survive you illnesses??
Yah, although my mother is…well, we don’t like to talk about her in front of strangers.
And it wasn’t me so much as which two or three of the six of us (ages spanning six years) that were ghastly ill at any given time.
I exaggerate the degree of illness for effect, of course, but I really did have scarlet fever and those other things. And of course my mother is just fine, if a little bonkers. Fine enough to do drug and alcohol counseling; I guess once you’ve been through all that, other people’s problems don’t look so insurmountable.
Correct answer: Blue-Balls
Darleen,
My daughter was seven weeks premature. That brought back some scary memories. Three Saturdays in a row: “I’m bleeding.” Off to the ER, where they eventually sent Mrs D home the next morning. The third Saturday they said, “We’re keeping you. Bed rest.”
This left me at home with my son. Day one, by noon, I’m exhausted. I mean Parris Island was easier than watching this boy. There are scrambled eggs on the carpet, he wants to go out and play, and I need a nap. My sister watched him for me while I worked, visited his mom in the hospital, and finished off my last semester of school.
Five weeks later, the doctor tells Mrs D, “You can go home tomorrow.”
Before we got to tomorrow, however, I got a call from the hospital. You better get here. Two in the morning, naturally. By the time I arrive, I’ve got a healthy, tiny daughter who’s just under five pounds. Fortunately, mom is fine too. Daughter grows up, has no health issues ever, (except for a hernia), and goes on to become a pretty good gymnast.
So whenever anyone complains about the cost of modern medicine, I think about the cost of not having modern medicine.
I picked up a viral infection at a strip joint.
Raided my fridge, drank all my vodka and stole the change jar off of my dresser. Two weeks later she asked me to drive her and a nasty case of strep to Atlantic City for a gig. I did it, I admit, but if the doorbell rings after a night in the champaign room nowadays I break out the Purell. Even if it’s just a bad cold with a big bag o weed. You just can’t trust those things.
I once shacked up for three days with a sinus infection.
Never again.