me: “Mondays, eh? How depressing.” apple: “Actually, in apple culture, Mondays are considered holy days.” me: “Really? Holy days? That’s fascinating. So what, you’re like a Druid or something– ?” apple: “– Relax, I was just messing with you, man. Mondays pretty much suck for apples, too. Although existentially speaking, any day we’re not baked into a pie is a good day…”
August 2, 2004
Debunking pop-cultural myths, 1
Though she’ll never mention it to anyone, deep down in her soul, Joannie never really loved Chachi—though his wristbands did get her hotter than a griddle-seared tuna steak, extra rare.
August 2, 2004
Over the rainbow
Somewhere, Steve Forbes just sprung a chubby…* **** h/t Mike update: George Gaskell has some more detailed thoughts here. See also: QandO, INDC Journal and OTB.
August 2, 2004
Film reviews in five words or less, #13
Putney Swope (1969) Directed by Robert Downey, Sr. Stars Arnold Johnson, Antonio Fargas, Allen Garfield, Stan Gottlieb, Buddy Butler, and Spunky-Funk Johnson. Five words or less review: And you think I’m crazy…* *highly recommended.
August 1, 2004
A question of safety / comfort
I only have room in my Terrorist Emergency Kit for one more item—either a flask of Irish whiskey or a huge tube of grape-flavored Joy Jelly. Any thoughts? update: never mind. I split the difference and went with a can of Planter’s salted cashews. Thanks anyway.
August 1, 2004
Because Abu Ghraib, 3
Islamic terrorists target as many as 6 Christian churches in Iraq; Tom Ridge to hold a rare Sunday news conference to announce an Al Qaeda plan to target financial institutions in NY and DC. Expect the Terrorist threat level to be raised. …Because Abu Ghraib. And Spiderman 2. And Buddy Holly. And baby back ribs. And free markets. And John Stossel. And the ACLU. And decadent double-fudge devil’s food cake.
July 31, 2004
John Kerry queries his economic advisor
Kerry: “Am I allowed to tax tax increases? Because I’ve been running some numbers here, and I think I might be on to something…” update: “Well what about fish sandwiches and french fries, then? Can I at least double tax those?”
July 31, 2004
Playing God
I could strike you dead right now if I wanted to, but I won’t. Because I’m a decent guy. Now go on and live your life. Go. Hurry up. Before I change my mind.
July 30, 2004
Scenes from my driveway, continued x 30
Deadbeat neighbor: “Where have you been the last few days?” Me: “Boston. At the convention.” Deadbeat neighbor: “What, like a comic book convention or something?” Me: “More or less, yeah.”