Deadbeat neighbor: “So, I’m thinking about heading out to the Cherry Creek Arts Festival today.” Me: “CHICKEN ARTS SUPPORTER!” Deadbeat neighbor: “I beg your pardon –” Me: “– You heard me. YELLOW-BELLIED PHONY!” Deadbeat neighbor: “Yeah, I heard you. I’m just not sure I follow –” Me: “– Tell me, pussy, have you ever even lived in Cherry Creek?” Deadbeat neighbor: “No, but I –” Me: “– Are you an
July 2, 2005
July 2, 2005
Holy Jesus, Jeff! We almost forgot that it’s Friday, which, as you know, means—
—Stop right there, people. Unless you’ve strapped on a shell and danced your own Friday jig for the pleasure of a gang of creepy voyeurs, you have no right showing up here and making demands on my rodent.¹ BECAUSE OF THE—well, you know. **** ¹ actually, armadillos are of the family Dasypodidae. The author apologizes for his racism.