Elizabeth: ”Gee. And I thought I was an uninformed bimbo.”* **** update: “Which reminds me, did I ever tell you that Judith Butler once called my breasts ‘Gaia’s glorious, nipple-studded bounty?’”*
in which celebraties comment on current events
August 22, 2005
Former teen idol Leif Garrett comments on Repulican Senator Chuck Hagel’s defeatist assertion that the Iraq War is another Vietnam conflict
Garrett: “Well, he’s got a point, doesn’t he? I mean, in both cases the insurgents wore sandals. And then there’s that whole creepy Jane Fonda overlap…”* **** More here and here.
July 28, 2005
Former teen idol Leif Garrett comments on the news that President Bush will name John Bolton as a recess appointee to the UN Ambassadorship
Garrett: “Off topic, I know. But dude —you really wanna nuke Mecca…?
July 11, 2005
Peter Fonda comments on San Francisco’s Mission District G8 protest that left one police officer in serious condition
Fonda: “Well, in our day, we probably woulda just convinced some chick to take off her top and stuff a few daisies into the pig’s holster—but, y’know, we were also really really stoned, man.”* **** (h/t Six Meat Buffet; see also, Malkin, Garfield Ridge, Conservative Outpost, Ace , Indepundit, The New Editor, DCThornton, House of the Dog, Threshold Negative 55 (lots of photos), Hyscience, Museum of Leftwing Lunacy, Confessions of
July 1, 2005
Former teen idol Leif Garrett comments on the retirement of Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor
Garrett: “This doesn’t mean abortions are gonna get more expensive, does it? Because that would seriously fucking blow, man.”*
June 6, 2005
Peter Fonda comments on the latest Qu’ran abuse allegations at Guantanamo Bay*
Fonda: “I was at a party down in Baja once where Kristofferson used a Mojave Yucca plant to beat Harry Dean Stanton to within an inch of his life for “mishandling” the distilled water Kris’d brought with him to extract mescaline from the pair of San Pedro cacti he’d dug out of the desert. If I remember correctly, Harry Dean made the mistake of washing his feet in the stuff.
May 18, 2005
Shannon Elizabeth comments on an April 30 match between 42 Cambodian Fighting Midgets and an African lion, called in 12 minutes after 28 Cambodian Fighting Midgets were killed and the rest seriously injured
Elizabeth: “Well, if it’s any consolation I’m sure Panthera Leo wasn’t the first huge pussy to swallow up a Cambodian fighting midget…”* “Speaking of which, did I ever tell you Joe Pantoliano says I have breasts like a couple of Gorbachev heads? Sweet guy, that Joey Pants.” **** (thanks T. Marcell)*
May 17, 2005
Former teen idol Leif Garrett comments on the discovery of two new retroviruses discovered in Central African ape hunters
Garrett: “I’m pretty sure I never slept with a Central African ape hunter. So I should be cool. Right…?”* **** update: “Wait, Colin Farrell has never hunted apes in Central Africa, has he? “Hello…?”
March 29, 2005
Former teen idol Leif Garrett comments on the much-anticipated release of the Volcker oil-for-food scandal interim report
Garrett: “One lesson I learned a long time ago? Always, always throw a raincoat on your jimmy—no matter what line the lady feeds you about pills or sponges or the like. Because trust me: there will come a time when you’re gonna want that gorgeous layer of ribbed deniability. And with a hat on your bat, it’s just her word against yours, brother…”*
Shannon Elizabeth comments on the Nobel Peace Prize being awarded to U.N. nuclear watchdog agency, IAEA, and its head, Mohamed El Baradei
Elizabeth: ”Wow! So does that mean my breasts are back in the running for the Prize in physics? Because they really do, like, totally frustrate current quantum thinking on mass and gravity…”*