Michael Jackson: proud owner of a giraffe and a monkey; a toasted english muffin: somewhat reluctant owner of nooks and crannies. Apply butter to a toasted english muffin and the butter melts; apply butter to Michael Jackson and he giggles and calls you “Mr Teasy Tease.” It’s legal for a 9 year old boy to eat a toasted english muffin Very rarely will you ever hear anyone order a Spanish
February 7, 2005
9 important differences between accused child molesting pop star Michael Jackson and a toasted english muffin
February 6, 2005
My place in the news universe, defined
Like Malkin and LGF before me, protein wisdom has been denied status as a Google News site—though my rejection email was somewhat different in tone than the ones Michelle and Charles posted on their sites. To wit: Hi Jeff, Thank you for your note. We have reviewed https://www.proteinwisdom.com but cannot include it in Google News at this time. I mean, “bowery mongrels”? Ms. Janeane Garofalo crammed into a “Tandoori bread
February 6, 2005
The “To me, the Super Bowl means spicy hot wings dunked in bleu cheese dressing” poem
for Denver Broncos fans To me, the Super Bowl means spicy hot wings dunked in bleu cheese dressing, and summer sausage piled high atop cracked wheat crackers. Because Mike Shanahan fucking sucks, man. Sucks!
February 6, 2005
in which I use the occasion of the Superbowl to make oblique, shallow, and unfair social commentary directed at right wingers
So. Who do you think Rush Limbaugh is pulling for today? **** heh.
February 6, 2005
Words that just sound funny, #11,856: “myrmidon”
eg. “Is that your myrmidon?” “Yes, that myrmidon belongs to me.”*
February 5, 2005
More deceit from the ALLIED CHIMP BRIGADE
Remember the Iraqi woman singled-out by the President during his State of the Union address? Well, her name is Safia Taleb Al Souhail, and it turns out she actually supports the president—and has in the past supported those bloodthirsty neocons who, like her, thought getting rid of the tyrant who’d murdered her father was a good idea. The partisan bitch.* Question one: Why didn’t Liar McChimpyburton have the guts to
Former teen idol Leif Garrett comments on the demotion of a female soldier from the 160th Military Police Battalion photographed exposing her breasts during a Camp Bucca, Iraq, mud wrestling party in October
Garrett: “Demoted, eh? Must have been a fat chick. Or else she had a face like an East German swimmer. Because you spank hotties. You make them beg like puppies. But demote them…? Naw. That just ain’t how life works, brother.”*