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The “To me, the Super Bowl means spicy hot wings dunked in bleu cheese dressing” poem

for Denver Broncos fans

To me, the Super Bowl

means spicy hot wings

dunked in bleu cheese

dressing, and summer

sausage piled high atop

cracked wheat crackers.

Because Mike Shanahan

fucking sucks, man.  Sucks

25 Replies to “The “To me, the Super Bowl means spicy hot wings dunked in bleu cheese dressing” poem”

  1. Allah says:

    The second quarter

    of Super Bowl XXII —

    has it ended yet?

  2. JWebb says:

    Well, we’re all fucked because Shanahan has something called tenure.

  3. JudyWoodruffCrying says:

    I’ve sung it three times, Jeff, and it won’t fit the tune of “These Are a Few of My Favorite Things.”

  4. Scott P says:

    Here’s a recipe for a fun Steelers-oriented punch I’ll be serving today:

    750 ml Everclear

    Juice of 39 lemons

    1 quart white vinegar

    2 bunches clearly under-ripe grapes, crushed with fists

    1/2 cup kosher salt (Diamond Crystal preferred)

    3 dashes of Peychaud’s bitters

    2# rusted door hinges, nails or razor blades (must be made of steel)

    Combine in large punch bowl and let stand overnight.  Serve at room temperature in cracked glasses and garnish with a few of the nails.

  5. So you are saying that I really convinced you last month?

  6. CraigC says:

    Not in my mind, Allah, not in my mind.  And neither has the image if The Gipper with the ball in his hand saying, “Where’s Ricky Sanders, where’s Ricky Sanders?”

    keyword “word.” To your mother.

  7. CraigC says:

    Did we ever find out how long Doug Williams had been a black Quaterback?

  8. Nordicgirl says:

    What’s your beef with Shanahan – maybe that he’s more of a Offensive Coordinator than Head Coach/GM?  I haven’t really followed the Broncos since Elway left and they’ve gone like six seasons without a playoff win (aaaaand I probably just answered my own question . . . . )

  9. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Exactly!  I think he’s a great offensive coordinator and a master of finding personnel to fit his offensive scheme, but he’s terrible at managing the clock, and at times I really question his play calling.

    I think he made a great move by trading Clinton Portis for Champ Bailey, and he made another great move by picking up John Lynch.  But as a GM he needs to better match his defensive schemes to the talent he has.  I’d like to see the Broncos draft a pass rusher, get their special teams in order, then run a 3-4 defense that takes advantage of their speed at linebacker.

  10. Ana says:

    Craig. Technically, I believe it’s “motha”. But, you know, I’m a redneck yuppie in search of a gunrack and beltbuckle….

  11. Ana says:

    To be sure you’ll have to ask someone hip and edgy.

  12. Daniel says:

    Actually, it’s “mutha” with a u.

  13. Ana says:

    Damn. Told you I was unhip and unedgy. I am stricly a hipless centrist.

  14. Chris says:

    There’s little doubt in my mind that Elway made Shanahan look as smart as he did.  Their Supre Bowl runs also featured a lot of guys in the prime or just past the prime of their careers, and once Elway was gone and Terrell had his permanently knee jacked up by that uberklutz Lepsis, they lost whatever momentum they had.

    I certainly wouldn’t be surprised to see them draft a stud lineman, get another linebacker, and go to a 3-4 on a more permanent basis.

  15. Daniel says:

    Don’t worry about it, ma. Growing up in the ‘hood like I did has left my ears finely attuned to the streets.

    Yaknowwhatimsayin’?

  16. SeanH says:

    Jeff,

    The one thing I disagree about you on Shanahan is the eye for talent.  He’s been heaving picks at DEs and CBs for years now with not much in results.  Also, in the past 7 years we’ve had Brister, Griese, and Plummer who is slowly crushing my spirit one dumb mistake at a time.  The one enjoyable thing about Shanny though is that now I truly know how much the Schottenheimer years sucked for KC fans.

  17. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Gotta disagree with you, Sean.  I think Plummer is a great fit; remember, he lost Sharp and McCaffrey this year, and he was working with the 5th running back on the depth charts, and a squad of receivers outside Smith that are still very young and have unreliable hands.  Many of Plummer’s picks came on tipped passes, and he could easily have had 34 TD passes.  Couple that with his ability to avoid the sack, and his ability to roll out and throw on the run), and what you have is a quarterback who, with the right talent around him, strengthens BOTH the running and passing game.

    Defensively, Trevor Pryce’s injury killed the Broncos’ pass rush, but Reggie Heyward really stepped up, and DJ Williams looks to me like a good pick, though he needs a little seasoning (Manning ate him alive with the play action).  And Shanahan’s real talent for assessing personnel is most evident in the later rounds.  I like how we look at corner and safety, but I hate our defensive schemes against teams that can throw the deep ball.  The Colts completed 11 passes of 20 or more yards in the Broncos’ playoff loss; the next week, the Patriots gave up 0 to Manning and co.

    The way I see it, the Broncos should convert Quentin Griffin to a punt return / kick off specialist; Tatum Bell as RB and Mike Anderson/Reuben Droughns as FBs should be your featured backfield.  And if one of those two speedburner receivers learn to catch, the Broncos’ offense could be top 2-3 in the league.

  18. CraigC says:

    I gotta give you this, Jeff, you’re not afraid to go against the conventional wisdom.  I think Plummer is a loser, but, hey, what do I know?

    BTW, is the second quarter of Super Bowl XXII over yet?

    HA! keyword, “young”

  19. Jeff Goldstein says:

    I think he’s 17-8 as a starter in the regular season in his two years with the Broncos.  And 3 or 4 of those games the Broncos snatched defeat from the jaws of victory through no fault of Plummer’s.

  20. CraigC says:

    Come to think of it, that was Montana.  Ouch, 55 points.

  21. CraigC says:

    You’re always up late, huh?

  22. NukemHill says:

    Bronco fans, eh?

    Heh.

    Go Chargers!

    key word:  ahead.  That about sums it up, yep.

  23. Galahad says:

    Plummer is a fit for teh system.  Ashlie Lelie is emerging as a major weapon, but they could use more WR, as Smith is aging.  The key is defense.  Shanahan is just clueless there.  The Bailey trade was solid, but they are still undersized.  Speed on defense is no longer good enough.  Look at NE, which has very little of it. 

    The Patriots Defensive philosophy is finally clear to me (and I watch every game).  Since the league is pass happy, you need to stop the run with a base D.  You need huge monster D-lineman and big backers, so you can stop the run while playing what amounts to nickel D.  That’s what they threw at the Colts.  Forget sacks, as offensive holding is now a footnote in history, it is never called.  As such, you need to put more men in coverage, plug the run with 4 guys and force the other team into mistakes.

  24. Punctilious says:

    I pretty much gave up on football after Elway choked the second time.  I gave him a second chance… but his team couldn’t fix my car either.

  25. iowahawk says:

    Here’s another Super Bowl ponder… why exactly does anybody give a shit?

    I mean, seriously: what in God’s name posesses anyone to cheer for a professional sports team? Love of “the franchise”? I like Coke, but I don’t cry when they lose the big taste test to Pepsi. Civic pride? Snork. 50% of the players have a short-term apartment lease and live in Miami the rest of the year. Loyalty? Half of your team will be gone by next season, replaced by players you hated this season. And don’t kid yourself: if the owners could con the Omaha voters for a better stadium deal, they’d be packing the U-Haul tomorrow. Like Seinfeld said, you’re basically rooting for your favorite uniform design.

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