9 important differences between accused child molesting pop star Michael Jackson and a toasted english muffin
Michael Jackson: proud owner of a giraffe and a monkey; a toasted english muffin: somewhat reluctant owner of nooks and crannies.
Apply butter to a toasted english muffin and the butter melts; apply butter to Michael Jackson and he giggles and calls you “Mr Teasy Tease.”
It’s legal for a 9 year old boy to eat a toasted english muffin
Very rarely will you ever hear anyone order a Spanish omelet with a “side of toasted Michael Jackson”
Technically, Michael Jackson does still have a nose
Michael Jackson lives in the spacious and heavily guarded Neverland Ranch; a toasted english muffin lives on a plate, or—in a pinch—on a napkin or paper towel*
A toasted english muffin spread with strawberry jam: a delicious breakfast treat; Michael Jackson spread with strawberry jam: prosecution exhibit 114 in Santa Barbara County v. The King of Pop
Michael Jackson’s Thriller is the best-selling album of all-time, a superb collection of thematically-joined singles built on a state-of-the-art bed of percussion and keyboards; a toasted english muffin is more into late 70s British punk
A toasted english muffin is rarely accused of getting young boys drunk on wine, then trying to chug their little boy cocks.
24 Replies to “9 important differences between accused child molesting pop star Michael Jackson and a toasted english muffin”
10. Accidental singeing of english muffin results in crunchy, springy texture and pleasant aroma; accidental singeing of Michael Jackson results in scarring and putrid stench.
Correction, Jeff: being a “somewhat reluctant owner of nooks and crannies” isn’t so much a difference between Michael Jackson and an English muffin as a resemblance between the muffin and a 9-year-old boy sleeping over at Neverland.
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Technically: only 8 important differences. (See #3)
On the other hand, Michael appears to be happiest when he’s trying to split buns.
You’re gonna burn for that one. That’s just wrong…
10. Accidental singeing of english muffin results in crunchy, springy texture and pleasant aroma; accidental singeing of Michael Jackson results in scarring and putrid stench.
I’m not taking any chances with regards to #9. I’m switching to bagels.
There’s no way that a bagel cou-
Hrm.
From Number 6: a toated english muffin lives in a plastic bag sealed with a twist tie
Actually, once the engilsh muffin is toasted, it no longer lives in a plastic bag. It may live briefly on a plate before it is eaten.
Good point. Correction being made.
Jeff, you promised you would only play Mr. Teasy Tease with me. No more Jesus juice for you, little boy.
Of course, from time to time, Michael Jackson can be found in a plastic bag, tied up with those little twisty, teasy, ties …
Differences between Michael and crumpets or scones might be more problematic.
You did hear that Jackson’s finances are so bad that he’s coming out with a new Michael Jackson candy bar, right?
White chocolate, no nuts . . .
Correction, Jeff: being a “somewhat reluctant owner of nooks and crannies” isn’t so much a difference between Michael Jackson and an English muffin as a resemblance between the muffin and a 9-year-old boy sleeping over at Neverland.
11. A toasted english muffin is made from ingredients grown in the bosom of Mother Earth; Michael Jackson is 47% silicone.
Your toasted english muffin will never call you his “little blow hole” or want to play the “rubba rubba” game.
10. An English muffin is, well, a muffin, and to paraphrase Smithers, Michael Jackson and muffins don’t mix.
key word, “united”
FWIW, it’s also not illegal to serve your English muffin alcohol.
After two white russians, that muffin was even letting me rub apple butter on it!
Q:What did the lady on the beach say
to Michael Jackson?
A:Would you mind getting out of my sun?
Q.Why are the boys at Neverland Ranch the first ones to camp each summer?
A. Cause Michael has already packed their shit.
As long as we’re recycling gay jokes…..
Q: Did you know that a lot of S.F. gays are moving to Oakland?
A: Yeah, they want to get a little color in their cheeks.
Well, this thread is going downhill quickly.
But we all know the one important similarity dont’ we?
Both are toast.
Most oft’ repeated phrase at the Neverland Ranch milk bar – “Mind if I push in your stool?”
I’m not touching this one with a ten foot pole!!!!
English muffins come in sixes while Jackson’s come in fives.
How’s that for a double entendre?
How unlikely to have the words “Michael Jackson”, “muff”, and “in” in the same sentence.
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