I mean, I realize it might seem a rather curious use for a time machine, but if I had one, 2012 is the first place I’d go, just to make sure America did the right thing. Unless I got stupid drunk and decided on a whim to go back to the early 80s and ask Valerie Bertinelli to my prom, that is. Which, hey, I’m as patriotic as the next

Maybe the birthers are actually on to something. And maybe we’ve been looking at Obama’s agenda all wrong: perhaps he was born in some socially democratic European country somewhere, and his entire stint in office has been an idealized and nostalgic attempt to recapture the romanticism of his actual homeland. I’m joking, naturally. Occam’s razor suggests that it’s far more likely he’s just an arrogant elitist douche who believes himself

— a claim made by, wait for it: The White House’s Council of Economic Advisers. Question: how many Obama Administration officials can squeeze themselves simultaneously into a VW Beetle? And, once they got out, would they be able to provide us with an accurate accounting of the feat? — or would they wait to see if anyone was watching, and then just make some shit up to fit the political

If a tree is felled illegally in the forest, and the only people there to hear it are the repulsive, hypocritical leftist sycophants and enablers of the imperial President who ordered the tree be cut down in the first place, does it make a sound? And if so, does it sound like the muffled screams of a Constitution being smothered in its sleep with pillows by Ezra Klein, Dick Stengel,

For every ostensible successful government entry into, and manipulation of, the market by way of the private sector, there isn’t one. Not really. But that won’t keep an ever new set of indoctrinated, leftist elites from seizing power and making it work the next time — their being so much smarter and more able than all who have tried before them. Plus, they really really really want socialism to work.

For every advance in medical science, there is a corresponding devolution in the idea of sanctity of life — particularly when getting old and terminally sick fuckers to believe they have a “duty to die” rather hamfistedly hides the fact that your malign bureaucratic scheme to control the populace through government distributed health care was born in fail, and can only really exist if it actively kills off enough people