I mean, I realize it might seem a rather curious use for a time machine, but if I had one, 2012 is the first place I’d go, just to make sure America did the right thing.
Unless I got stupid drunk and decided on a whim to go back to the early 80s and ask Valerie Bertinelli to my prom, that is. Which, hey, I’m as patriotic as the next guy, but honestly, can you blame me?
OMG! BO 2 hold Twitr conf 2mor0! M So there! Let the hEling bgin!
Nice try with using Valerie as the reason. We know you’re just going back to bask in the sunshine of the Gipper’s American Morning. The real thing beats the faux one to hell and back.
“Lick Dick in ’12 !!!”
help me please. the mexican gov’t has dead bodies of it’s citizens strewn within their border but what some convicted rape/murder ‘tard sitting on death row in texas stirs their passion:
Obama Asks Texas to Spare Mexican Man the Death Penalty
POTUS twitters using TOTUS.
Lawdy, but Valerie was very lovely back when. Of course, the year my prom was held, Tawny Kitaen was writhing on a sports car in some Whitesnake videos, so she shot up the list of potential prom dates. Figured I didn’t stand much of chance because I didn’t put aquanet in my hair. Nor was I in a metal band. Nor did I have a mountain of blow. Still, as long as we’re blue skying……
After seeing her rack in Fast Times, I was all about Phoebe Cates. Boy did her career ever not take off.
Now now. The only way to make sure that America does the right thing in 2012 is to stay at your post and keep hammering on the idjits. We need all the moral support we can get! ‘Course a little immoral support doesn’t hurt on occasion so a bit more ‘dillo would be nasty nice….
day 1 of the cain administration: declare b stocks of the new york times to be controlling. send pinch a love note.
nuke
little
pinchachu.
Ummmm, no.
But that’s not as bad as the bumper sticker seen by a li’brul gent near Vanderbilt, the one that caused passage of the brand-spanking-new Tennessee bumper sticker law that forbids any ‘obscene’ or ‘offensive’ postings, subject to a fine. ‘Obscene’ is easier to define than is ‘offensive’. Hell, I’m offended at Obama-Biden stickers.
The one that caused the ruckus? Someone had “2012: Don’t renege”. And no, it wasn’t mine.
Yes, I can blame you.
Those eyebrows?
Please.
waitaminute … if we’re using “proms” as our back-to-the-future moment, then as I recall, us girls were debating the fantasies of having Al Pacino or Michael Douglas take us …
Saw a license plate that I kinda liked in North Carolina… 1OFVRWC .
I’d check and see if it’s taken in Georgia, but I don’t want to pay the evil gummint the extra bucks to get it. Why the hell does everyone need a license plate with save the whales or educator or FSU or some such stupid shit? Can’t even tell what state they are from there are so many variations.
or on day 1 of the cain presidency: tell the world that nyt class b shareholders are 2nd class citizens in the nyt leftard view.
“Why Switch Dicks in the Middle of a Screw ?
Vote for Obama in Eleventy-Two !”
1OFVRWC
It took me about a minute to figure it out. If I thought that hard while driving, I’d probably end up accidentally mowing down a group of schoolkids. Why do you hate children?
“We still believe” in Obama blue is out and about in Malibu & Santa Monica.
Which Prom year? and no, John Travolta is not my choice in either cowboy OR disco attire TYVM.
No Al or Michael, either. Maybe John Ritter?
Phoebe married Kevin Kline and got out of the business. If she were to star in a film tomorrow, everybody who ever masturbated along with Brad Hamilton to the Cars’ “Moving in Stereo” would show up, and there’d be lines around the block to get in to the theater.
LOL, Abe… I saw it in a parking lot.
‘We still believe’ is that like the most pathetic wail evarrrrr?
Stealing slogans and shit since… well, ever. Cubs fans and Clintons hardest hit.
Have you seen recent pix of Phoebe? My husband was most disappointed when he saw her in or at something or other recently. His other hot flame was Ally Sheedy and she looks awful.
Mark Harmon!!! That’ll do! Satisfies both important criteria, sports and film. Plus dating the quarterback… ;)
Here’s the Valerie I’d be asking.
And I’m not terribly upset about Phoebe. She still looks pretty good.
Bertinelli. Excellent choice – particularly pre her Van Halen infectuation (sp on purpose).
I spent two hours of my day listening to a guy try to sell me a $2800 vacuum cleaner, along with a $1200 air purifier.
Apparently the air I breathe is loaded with dangerous particulates, just waiting to insinuate themselves into my lungs and defile my pure American body.
Damn commie particulates.
Phoebe looks pretty damned good in that pic. She’s aged well for someone who was always more on the high end of adorable rather than beautiful.
phoebe married kevin kline and became a mom I think she had all the career she wanted
oh. I didn’t read all the comments how very very stupid of me
Yes she does. Don’t remember what the hubby was going on about but maybe he needs his goggles cleaned.
Awesome point raised by a commenter at JOM who mentions the comment at VP:
Perry might also add that Obama, JUST LIKE BUSH, seems unable to keep proggs from running up the debt.
It’s a twofer… pisses off proggs and neutralizes the meme that Bush was the root of the problem. Actually it’s a threefer as he can also mention that he has proven to be successful at herding cats unlike the ‘uniter.’
I might be persuaded to go for the Valerie thing if I could go back for the young hot years, and then jump back to now for the smoking hot “I have my body back and I know things” years and kinda skip the roadie chubby years where she learned those nasty things.
A dear cocktail circuit revolutionary imagines the smell of victory:
I can hear the glee in her assistant’s typewriter. The threat of economic catastrophe is win-win when you’re on the other side.
Valerie Bertinelli?
Jeff! It’s a time machine! Brigitte Bardot? Carol Lombard? Olivia de Havilland? Cleopatra?
If I had a time machine I’d put on my fluffy mink fedora with the long peacock feather, accessorize with a diamond studded cross on a gold anchor-sized chain, and pull it all together with a full length bright red overcoat. Then I’d walk to the podium at Reverend Wright’s church and say, “Evah boddah put yo hands togethah fo Trinity’s favorite son, Baracka Obama!”
Then I would video tape Barry’s speech entitled ‘Kill Whitey’ and give it to Breitbart right after Obama’s convention speech.
.
.
.
For a couple mil, of course.
alp, I jus’ looooove yoah accent!
Stephanie, I put up a comment last week (?) saying how I’d just love to write a whole campaign commercial for Perry using just that theme, using nothing but Before.Obama and A.O screenshots with W and O! in the background of such things as unemployment, inflation, deficit, etc. and saying “The last time we had a TX governor…”
Throw me in that briar patch!
To those of us who came of age during “One Day at a Time,” Valerie was our them.
And it was either her or Tatum O’Neal, but who wants to have to fight off Ryan in the 1980s?
“Tatum O’Neal”
Now you are talkin’!
“but who wants to have to fight off Ryan in the 1980s?”
C’mon, man. You could just tear him in half like a Denver phone book. Me, I’d have to cheat and bring an M-4 along.
I always had a soft (?) spot for Phoebe Cates. Even after “Princess Caraboo”; possibly one of the worst movies of all time.
Ryan was easily distracted by a few lines of blow back in the eighties, more than likely.
Tatum sure didn’t like having to fight Ryan off at Farrah’s funeral.
Where’s the Alyssa Milano love?
I’ll tell you where. It’s been tainted and corrupted by the communist particulates trying to take over our pure American bodies!
I don’t think I ever gave Tatum O’Neal even a second’s thought in my yooth. The eighties were kind of the decade of disposable, interchangeable hot chicks in movies. Except for the rat pack chicklets, which, pretty meh. Demi Moore and Ally Sheedy never sent me to my bunk. Ditto Lea Thompson. Linda Fiorentino seemed too rough around the edges in After Hours and Vision Quest, and I wasn’t in my thoughts of banging dirty girls in back alleys mode yet.
I think time travel would demand being the meat in an Ava Gardner/ Rita Hayworth sandwich. Though I can think of worse ways to spend a day than repeatedly violating Jane Fonda and then leaving her headless hippie corpse in an industrial blender.
I meant brat pack, not rat pack.
Not even the All The Right Moves disrobing? That was actually quite nice I thought.
But I agree, Demi Moore and Ally Sheedy and Molly Ringwald were not really all that inspiring.
From what I remember, Lea Thompson’s undergarments were so ten-year-old girl unsexy that it kind of killed the moment for me. Not unlike the trauma of seeing Jennifer Jason Leigh’s blubbery stomach during the dugout scene in Fast Times. Difficult to please, this one was.
Well, I was ten. And Bad News Bears remains one of the five or ten greatest American movies, in my opinion. So I’m biased.
She looked really good in that scene. What ruined it, such as it was possible to ruin it, was Tom Cruise foisting his dwarf ass into the mix.
I think I might have been gay or asexual in the 70’s. I kind of remember crushing on Laurie Partridge from Partridge Family repeats, but the Farrah Faucet, Daisy Duke, Brooke Shields, Tatum O’Neal(?) type manias kind of blew right over my baseball-obsessed prepubescent head.
Tatum freakin’ pitched, brother. She was a ringer for the Bears.
It was my baseball obsession — and my love of scrub-faced, fair-haired Johnson and Johnson hippie types — that drew me to her in the year of our country’s bicentennial.
Pitching is a huge plus. But being a clueless, God-fearing Catholic boy, that just meant that she didn’t have cooties like the other girls. I still would have thrown rocks at her in exchange for a Bob Apodaca card or a plastic Kansas City Royals batting helmet.
All I ever wanted to be was as cool as Jackie Earl Hailey on that dirtbike. Unfortunately, I looked like Engelburg, talked like Ogilvy and made friends like Tanner. Now I’m Buttermaker all the way.
“Me, I’d have to cheat and bring an M-4 along.”
LTC John, that ain’t cheatin’, that’s thinkin’.
Yes, but what about Daryl Hannah? Bunkable? As in: Splash or Reckless? No?
Diane Franklin kind of made me go all fluttery. Mia Sara was, I know, slender and elfin but I thought she was a knockout. And God help me, but I really liked Elisabeth Shue a long time before she did Leaving Las Vegas.
Virgina Madsen was also extraordinarily hot, and not just because I like them dead.
Daryl Hannah has never done it for me. Kind of severe looking, I think. Liked Mia Sara. Jami Gertz. Amanda Peterson. Elisabeth Shue was absolute perfection in my book. What else could explain knowing every last stinking word of dialog from Cocktail?
Bertinelli was (still is as far as that goes) cute as a bug. Tatum O’Neil was featured in some of my earliest, er, fantasies after that movie with Kristy McNichol where they made a bet on which would lose her virginity first.
Still, in the eighties, the one I want to visit in the time machine would be Olivia.
I was thinking about mentioning Olivia. She seemed otherworldly, though. Like an alien species of hotness that mortals best not bother with.
Jamie Gertz never did anything for me. But she was cute in Solarbabies, another on the must-miss list.
More adult actresses I liked were: Anne Archer, Mary Steenburgen (dunno why, but I’ve always liked her looks), Kate Capshaw. I thought Roseanna Arquette was quite yummy in The Big Blue and I liked Kelly McGillis in Witness, but I’m not seeing that particular attraction these days. Jennifer Connelly in various roles has appealed to me a great deal.
Alien? Yes, Alien.
Oh. See, I thought you were talking Olivia D’Abo.
Yes, Olivia Neutron Bomb did have a certain vestal-virgin attraction. Also, she starred in another must-miss film that I liked a lot at the time: Xanadu. I blame youthful folly.
Olivia D’Abo also starred in a spectacularly bad film: Bolero. Anything with Bo Derek in it is going to suck in direct proportion (or possibly it’s quadratic, even) to the time Bo spends on camera.
With penalties for time spent talking on camera.
Bad films; I am a connoisseur.
Anne Archer was the quintessential hot older woman. I liked Dana Delany a lot in that regard as well. As far as Jennifer Connelly goes, by the time I knew who she was I’d had a girlfriend who was a dead ringer for her. So, in my mind, I was already tired of fucking her.
Let’s not forget Kelly LeBrock.
From music — aside from the much debated Joan Jett — we could add Belinda Carlisle and the cute singer from The Bangles, Susanna Hoffs.
I was thinking about Kelly LeBrock the other day, because newrouter kind of reminds me of the critter she turned Chet into in Weird Science.
James Coburn.
Whether it be the Our Man Flint series or his foray into comedy war movies like “What Did You Do In the War, Daddy?” (which I highly recommend just for the cast of stars) and all those Western TV series he was in in the 60s, my heart goes pitter pat just thinking about him.
He was ever so much more a rogueish secret agent or a misunderstood gunfighter with a heart of gold that could charm the panties off anyone than the poseurs that Hollywood parades around today.
The only one who even comes close nowadays is Pierce Brosnan. Same wicked sparkle in the eyes that lets you know he might just toss you on the bed and ‘not take no for an answer’ (as if) and you would like it. And not in the Bond series, but that Renee Russo remake of a Steve McQueen flick…
Coburn was, quite literally, ‘the most interesting man in the world.’
Bill Paxton has had a weird career. From Chet and “Game over, man, game over” dude to roles in Tombstone and Apollo 13.
Or maybe that’s Bill Pullman. I’m told they’re actually different people.
I see you’re a sucker for the sonorous baritone. Did you vote for Obama, by chance?
Kidding! Please don’t shoot.
Dana Delany was at least mildly interesting until Tombstone, then very interesting until that really bad movie she did with Rosie O’Donnell, and now every time I think of Dana naked I think of Rosie in that awful leather getup, and…
I’m still a fan. So, she does exhibit a certain irresistable pull.
Bang! And that was not from a Hello Kitty AK, although I want one just cause it’s so viciously incongruent.
Sonorous baritone – guilty as charged, but I would not categorize Obama in that category. His voice is too metrosexual – as is his ghey trot up/down stairs and on the golf course, but I digress. A baritone with a timber that hints of the quintessential man’s man – a certain roughness that is worldly but not trashy; that would kick Obama’s ass on general principles then buy him a smoothie, smack him on the ass and send him on his way – that’s Coburn… mmmm. mmmm. mmmm.
Plus, that twinkle in the eyes that foreshadows delicious mischief… Bunk!
I think Obama milked the baritone for all it was worth on the campaign trail, to be honest, and is now sounding rather more adenoidal.
Evidently, sometimes it sucks to be king.
I thought I was the only sufferer of Paxton/Pullman confusion!
.
Also, Kurt Russell and Jeff Bridges. I can’t rememer which one of them co-starred with Sam Eliott in Roadhouse. [wink]
Perhaps one day it will be said “They were Gutfeldians in their humor. We know not why.”
I’m good at Paxton/Pullman I suck at DeNiro/Pacino though