First militant: “Sometimes I wonder if our struggle against the American infidels and their Zionist masters is worth fighting, Wahid.” Second militant: “Now is not the time for introspection, my brother.  The Marines dogs have surrounded us—and their firepower is fierce and deadly.  We must keep our wits or we shall surely perish.”* First militant: “But that’s my point.  I don’t want to perish. I want to try double-cheese pizza

First militant:  “Do you remember those early days, Umar?—when our cause burned so brightly that our souls were all but branded by its righteous fire?” Second militant:  “I remember, Shakil.  And I have not lost faith.  In fact, my soul today burns hotter than ever—forging my steely resolve in the flames of unwavering conviction.” First militant:  “Uh huh.” Second militant:  “What?  Why do you look at me that way?” First

First militant: “The House of Saud is demanding Syria pull its troops from Lebanon, Hassan.  And Kuwait is cracking down on Saudi imams teaching Wahhabism –” Second militant: “– Irrelevant, Tamir.  Anomalous.  A transitory setback to our righteous cause.” First militant: Uh huh.  Except that Syria now wants peace talks with the Zionist devil, and many of our Arab brothers in Iraq are chanting in the streets for an end

First militant:  “Tell me, Hassan—are we in danger of being on the wrong side of history?—that is, fighting for a way of life that is no longer desired by the vast majority of our own people?” Second militant:  “Ah. But it is not for the people to decide how to live, Tamir.  It is for Allah to decide.” First militant:  “I see.  So then what are the chances of Allah

First militant:  “Hassan?  I have a confession to make.” Second militant:  “Christ, can’t this wait, Tamir –?.” First militant: “– No, please.  Hear me out, friend.  Because if I am to die at the hands of the imperialist invaders and their womenly urban assault teams, I need first to cleanse my conscience.  And my confession has to do with your sister, Hassan –” Second militant:  “—now is not the time

First militant:  “May I ask you something, Hassan…?” Second militant:  “What is it now, brother?  Can you not hear the American military aircraft screaming overhead?  We are at war, Tamir.  You must concentrate.” First militant:  “Well, that’s what I was going to ask you about.  When the Jews and dogs in the American media report that the Great Satan is targeting ‘insurgent strongholds’ with 500 lb. bombs, does this mean

First militant: “In the unlikely event I am killed by the toothless paper tigers of the American military juggernaut, Hassan, do you suppose Allah will allow me trade my 72 virgins for, say, a Playstation 2 with ‘Grand Theft Auto’…?” Second militant: First militant: “…Because honestly, the last virgin I bedded just sorta lay there like a wet palm frond.  Whimpering from time to time.  And bleeding quite a bit