First militant: “Tell me, Hassan—are we in danger of being on the wrong side of history?—that is, fighting for a way of life that is no longer desired by the vast majority of our own people?”
Second militant: “Ah. But it is not for the people to decide how to live, Tamir. It is for Allah to decide.”
First militant: “I see. So then what are the chances of Allah picking up a rifle and fighting off an AH-64A Apache attack helicopter armed with laser-designated Hellfire missiles, a 30mm cannon, and Hydra 70 rockets? Given that this is his fight, I mean.”
Second militant: “Just shut up and eat your couscous, would you? For a militant, you ask way too many questions.”
I dig couscous.
Just so’s you know.
What’s this “militant” shit?
I understood them to be insurgents, occupation fighters, even, y’know, Minute Men.
I think Allah has decided.
Aren’t these forbidden by the prophet?
You know there just has to be more than a few “Minute Men’ having exactly this conversation. This is probably the best, most profound of your ‘Overheard in a Bunker’ series.. It’s both funny and a little sad.. Does there come a time that either the Terrorists or the Democrats finally see the writing on the wall.. that they’re on the wrong side of history and have been misled by their leaders? Can’t someone just observe the insanity of it all and put an end to it or is there something in us that demands that it all be played out to the bitter end ?
-BPM
Turing word: shot
and thats no shit…
I agree with Bipolar Man. I get the impression that the vast majority of the Hassans and Tamirs, however extreme their beliefs, are pretty pathetic characters–ignorant, malleable, and more than a little likely to wake up one day and say “How the hell did I get here?”
Allah/Yaweh/God/Vishnu/Zoroastra/Whatever/The Tao:(muttering to him/her/itself) “You stupid terrorists-one would think that the sign I sent you of an AH-64A Apache attack helicopter armed with laser-designated Hellfire missiles, 30mm cannon and Hydra 70 rockets would be powerful enough. But noooooooo, you have to keep on blowing up children……sigh……some days you just have to wonder if it’s even worth it, perhaps another flood, wash the place clean again, maybe an asteroid, or just fry the whole damn place again…..what’s a deity to do?”
turing word:thats- as in “that’s all folks”
Gail—Allah requires that if you have sex with a cuscus, you must then sell it to someone from another village.
Or did that rule apply to sheep? Damned if I can remember. All I can remember is the Judeo-Christian rule of “don’t fuck animals”.
RC, are you sure that quote wasn’t “ Dont fuck animals on the same table that you’re serving dairy products on.. ” ? I don’t think the act was expressly forbidden so long as kosher rules were followed.. but I could be wrong.. I’m no Billy Graham or anything.. Plus, that was old testament stuff.. I’m pretty sure its ok under the New Testament for a man to lyeth with a beast as he lyeth with a woman.. so long as you have your tithing on a convenient autopayment plan, and so long as he lyeth with a female beast because a male lyething with a male of any sort is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord.. unless his name is Noah.. then lyething with anything including your son is cool… I mean, “is cooleth in the eyes of the Lord”
Gail, unfortunately I think that the moment when the lightbulb comes on and the insurgent says “How the hell did I get here?†all too often coincides with seeing the Holy Omen AH-64A unleash that Hellfire missile in their direction.. A classic case of too little, too late. Amen..
-BPM
Turing Word: evening
as in “you sinned greatly in the eyes of the Lord when you screwed your beast on the same table that your 2% Milk and pasteurized cheese spread did lyest on this evening”
** ok, ok I’m only joking.. lighten up.. I’m pretty certain that God has a sense of humor and doesnt mind the irreverent jokes.
Deep Thought: “Tricky!”
I’m pretty certain that God has a sense of humor…
Yeah—my first clue was one morning I looked in the mirror and asked myself, “How the hell does that end up married?” And there was this deep, booming laughter from on high, and I had my answer.
Zombyboy.. I dig couscous too but I like Shish Taouk (grilled garlic chicken kabob on rice)even more.. with lots of hummous of course..
My brother just came back from a tour in Iraq and says there were all kinds of street vendors in Baghdad selling shish taouk that was to die for… Well, not literally, but it was really tasty.. Bad choice of words..
I think the Army and Marines should work that into their enlistment advertising.. I mean how else are they going to entice recruits ? See the world starting with beautiful Iraq (no…) Meet exotic and beautiful babes in Iraq (nope…) Win glory and honor in Iraq (unless youre a participant in the next Abu Ghraib fiasco no one will ever even hear of you.. so I have to give that one a ‘no’
.. -or- Join the Army and go to Iraq.. They make the best Shish Taouk in the world! (That would get me..Hell, SF recruited me out of college in ‘79 with tales of great Carne Asada down in El Salvador.. I remember Operation 3 Rolled Taco with Guacamole where we were inserted into.. Hey, wait a minute.. Is this a secure site? Whats your security clearance level? Whats your need to know? I think I better not say anything more.. If I tell you more I’ll have to kill you.. and if I mentioned Ollie.. just forget the name.. He was never there..NEVER THERE.. but the guy can whip together some great red beans and rice ‘peasant style’
that’s to die for.. well.. not literally.
-BPM
Spam Word: Schools
built those too..
I love these.
Brilliant.
BiPolar Man, telling this gang to lighten up is like telling folks in Oklahoma to drink more Dr. Pepper. Any more lightness and we’ll be unbearable.
PS How do you feel about falafel with tahini sauce?
Lighten up? Why yes I am, thank you. AND passing it to my friends.
No Bogarting, JWebb
Falafel is good.. not To Die For, but good. Same with Baba Ganouj.. It’s good.. egg planty.. smokey..but To Die For ? Naw… But a good Shish Taouk.. Thats, as Saddam put it, ‘The Mother of all Kabobs’… I can see myself throwing my body on a live grenade to protect my Shish Taouk..
Oh, and RC.. You can have all the sex you want with your Shish Taouk and still sell it to your own village.. Is that a great kabob or what ?
It’s To Die For… well… not literally of course.
-BPM
In the immortal words of Animal Mother in Full Metal Jacket.. “ If I’m gonna die for a word, let my word be Shish Taouk.. ok, well, I meant two words.. If I’m gonna die for two words” etc etc… You know what I mean..
spam word: public
An old story has Napoleon being asked “In war both sides invoke God to aid them. How do you think God decides which side he will favor?” Napoleon is supposed to have answered that “God fights on the side with the better artillery.”
Yeah, and THAT’S WHY WE KICK EVERYBODY’S ASS!!!!
“And there was this deep, booming laughter from on high, and I had my answer. “
God is your wife with a megaphone?
-M
PS: Turing Word: ‘moral’.
Wasn’t it Frederick the Great who said “God is on the side with the bigger battalions”?
Anyway, with the 10 year drought finished over here, some Afghanis have said that God must be on Karzai’s and our side. And I thought I was being replaced by another National Guardsman, not the Almighty….whoo.
God is your wife with a megaphone?
Huh…?
<thinks>
What!?
<thinks harder>
Aw, man! That woman’s got some ‘splainin’ to do!
Be safe Major John. You guys are our heros
Spam Word: LEADERS!
McG, If that’s you under the Denney’s sign, you just don’t know what the ladies like…..
nothing beats a man in a canvas jacket
a well-fed man in a canvas jacket
How about a porcine man in a Cheez Wiz-stained Redskins Starter jacket?
Please?
Gail, are you flirting with me?
Well Airborne! Major John..
What Gail said… You guys are heroes.. All of you.. Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, all the D-boys and SEALS.. All the Private Miltary People.. All the Dark Side people.. All of you that are fighting the good fight..
Don’t pay any heed to the main stream media..We, the majority are behind you 100%. You should see the number of yellow ribbons on the road every day.. AND I’M IN SEATTLE (The Liberal Mecca of the Pacific NW)!!!
Be safe and Godspeed..
-Jake (Bi(polar)_Man)
Seattle WA
Once an SF Medic…
Spam Word: Feel
As in: I can almost feel the terrorist’s pain as you guys kick their collective asses !
Sssshhh, Kevin. You don’t say these things out loud. That can be like picking up a butterfly with firetongs.
(Turing: foreign)
Hey. I’m a guy. Us guys don’t know from subtle.
Of course I’m flirting–but in a totally platonic way. I’m also flirting with my husband in a nonplatonic way–he might be lurking, and he’s a well fed man who looks nice in a canvas jacket too. How’s that for subtle?
All in favor of having Gail run for office, signify by saying, “Aye.”
Jeff,
Have you ever considered turning this excellent “Overheard in a Bunker” series into a book ? A book of short dialogues between militants and maybe the mirrored Marine Sniper dialogues.. You could cover the changes in the middle east and the introduction of democracy from day one of the Afghani war.. It could easily be as big or bigger than ‘Axis of Weasels ‘ (Scott Ott’s book). Your writing style is far more polished than Ott’s ( Sorry Scott.. I dig Scrappleface but I gotta calls ‘em as I sees ‘em)
Just a thought.. BPM
Spam word: ever
As in, if you ever write one I’ll buy it.
Thanks, BPM. Haven’t given it much thought. Perhaps if there are enough them someday.
Martha, though… Now that’s a different story.
John & Maj John,
No, it wasnt Napoleon and no it wasnt Frederick the Great that said it.. It was George Patton that said (and I quote) “ God fights on the side of the army that doesn’t die for it’s country.. but makes the other poor,dumb, bastard army die for their country … ” but then he went on to slap some poor dead Ameican private for dying for his country and he got relieved of duty and it was all whitewashed and glossed over by the brass and eventually forgotten.. There were no blogs back then and the MSM didn’t like to make the military look bad because it hurt the war effort .. so it wasn’t widely reported.. (imagine that..)
But anyway, that’s the origin of that statement.. Napoleon and Frederick the Great merely changed a few words and called it their own.. But it was a Red Blooded American Hero that said it first.
-BPM
Spam Word: kind
As in, that’s just the kind of thing you’d expect a French general to do.. because like Ward C. says, the French, like the Indians, don’t understand the concept of private ownership of their art.. it’s communal property.. so Napoleon was simply ‘influenced’ by Patton. Frederick the Great on the other hand was just a thieving Prussian and brazenly plagiarized it…
Who’s Kevin?
Martha Smartha … Go with ‘Overheard in a Bunker”.. The middle east conflict and its aftermath will be remembered long after Martha is long gone.. With your dialogues you’ve given the struggle a very human face.. a very human pathos.. I actually find myself wondering whats going to happen to Tamir and Hassan and Farouk and Reid and Tamil.. Well..not Farouk because he’s dead.. but the others, you know… On the MSM news the militants dont have names or thoughts.. they arent even human.. just murderers that cut off heads..
BPM
Well, John Hawkins ran the first series on Rightwing News, and the first comment was, “these are racist.”
And who needs the aggrevation?
Et tu Brute …. Caving in to the petty ass biting and name calling of the PC crowd.. but I hear you about the aggrevation part.
-BPM
Who’s Kevin?
Kelly, It’s McGehee.
Gail,
Regarding CusCus.. Those arent forbidden food under Islamic law.. Check it out; no cloven hooves.. In fact CusCus are some of the tastiest little marsupials I’ve ever had.. You just stick them on a stick and roast them over an open fire.. Then put them in some warm peta bread with a little hummous and olive oil and enjoy.. mmmmm mmmm now thats some good eatin… or as Andy Griffith used to say, “ Mmm mmm thats gooood marsupial..good marsupial..” They’re very much like good high quality free range rat.. but more pigeon-like.
Try it out.. If your family loves it as much as mine, then check out http://www.101_Quick_CusCus_Meals for new and exciting recipes for CusCus (or you can substitute other small rodents or marsupials. Stay away from Hamsters though because they’re kind of gamey.. take hours to clean and you dont get but one bite of meat…)
-BP in Seattle
Turing word: case
“How about a porcine man in a Cheez Wiz-stained Redskins Starter jacket?”
For the love of God, please, I’m begging you, LEAVE THE FUCKING REDSKINS OUT OF THIS!!!!
Thanks, BiPolar, I was wondering what to do about dinner.