Then sayeth the Lord, “Let there be irony…”

“A Little League umpire has filed an assault charge against a woman who allegedly tossed a water bottle near him after her son’s team lost a close tournament game.” Christopher Graham, 32, filed the complaint Wednesday with Piscataway police. He claims Jolene Piersanti, 36, of Bridgewater, attempted ”to cause bodily injury” with the half-liter bottle, filled with about two inches of water and some ice. Graham, of Greenwich, Warren County,

Need more info on that Godless American™ march on Washington? The Weekly Standard’s Jonathan Last has got you covered. In a secular sense, I mean.

Evidently, the New York Times doesn’t like it when experts in international and human rights law take it upon themselves to criticize the UN, Amnesty International, or Human Rights Watch….

Delaware government attorney and bi-coastal supersleuth Fritz Schrank uncovers a plot by the California Coastal Commission (the bureaucratic arm of the California Illuminati, my sources insist) to “send a message” to sand-n-surf-hoarding gajillionairre David Geffen. Reached for comment, famed Illuminati chronicler (and one-time surfing and calamari enthusiast) Robert Anton Wilson mused, “counter to what you’d anticipate, if you sniff glue long enough, your chances of seeing some divine Being actually

Stupid blogrolling. I wonder how long this page was down? Not the whole time I was asleep, I hope…? Anyway, when blogrolling.com gets its act together, I’ll reinsert the script, and the sidelinks will reappear.

Senate lawmakers on Tuesday delivered an important message to the American people: “Citizens of the United States: We have nothing to fear…but fear itself! “Oh, and fat kids.* We have nothing to fear but fear itself and fat kids.” *This message brought to you in part by America’s wheatgrass farmers. Wheatgrass: It’s so flippin’ green it may as well be blue™

Ralph Branca to Bobby Thomson: “Fuck you and your ‘Shot Heard ‘Round the World.’ You twisted old prick, you.” By the way, who says cheaters never prosper…? Not Thomson, that’s for sure.

Hey, I’m pro-choice. But I don’t think the U.S. should be subsidizing* forced abortions or coerced sterilization overseas, either…. So why all the outrage? Senator Leahy? Rep. Maloney…? I mean, this isn’t that “unilateralist” bullshit again, is it…? *[update: Oops. I’ve linked you to a Weekly Standard subscribers only article. For non-subscribers, I’ll quote at length, and point you toward a budding debate between the Spoons Experience and Jason Rylander

Breaking news from Japan: ‘Giant lizard’ sparks emergency dispatch! TORIDE, Ibaraki — Millions of hysterical little people living in Japan’s miniature cardboard cities stampeded for their lives today as a giant, rampaging lizard trampled power transformers and shot death flames from it’s monstrous, radiologically-enhanced snout, Mainichi Interactive reports. ‘Our city in flame,’ admitted a clearly shaken Mayor Yumi Kuroiwa, commenting from his heavily fortified bunker inside a secret mountain hideaway.