Senate lawmakers on Tuesday delivered an important message to the American people: “Citizens of the United States: We have nothing to fear…but fear itself!
“Oh, and fat kids.* We have nothing to fear but fear itself and fat kids.”
*This message brought to you in part by America’s wheatgrass farmers. Wheatgrass: It’s so flippin’ green it may as well be blue™
Fat kids can’t given them anthrax. Saddam can.
So which do you think Congress is going to “deal with”?
Oh, jest all you want, you oh-so-cynical ones. Our Guys on the Hill are just thinking ahead. If we have whole squads, platoons, companies, regiments, whole friggin’ corps filled with John Candy look-a-likes, how are we ever gonna win this war?
Although… when I think about it, a whole herd of fat guys rushing a position could put a whole new meaning on the term “grunt”.
Sounds like we have nothing to fear but Congress. Mark Twain once said something amazingly funny about politicians. I must find it.
There’s no reason to fear fat kids if you run fast enough. Their tickers are beatin like a rabbit after about 40 feet.
I always carry a couple of Twinkies in case I am pursued by a fat kid.
Jacques, my favorite quote concerning politicians is attributed to Daniel Webster, but I haven’t been able to confirm it:
“No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.”
I’m a little puzzled by these comments. Obesity directly leads to hypertension, Type II diabetes, high cholesterol, and eventually heart attacks, strokes and peripheral vascular disease (for those of you who don’t know, the last is poor circulation; when it’s real bad, you get gangrene and they cut off you leg). Fat kids usually become morbidly obese adults. And unlike cigarettes, the aforementioned diseases usually take 10-15 years to kill you, meaning you have a disabled, relatively young person eating up alot of health care dollars (and Twinkies). All working people pay for this, either through taxes or increased health premiums. Any parents out there? Do you want your kids to be fat-asses? Do you want them to have to pay for the health care of fat kids who became morbidly obese adults?
I like Jacob Sullum’s (ironic) idea: weigh Americans once a year and then charge them a graduated fitness / fat tax based on how overweight they are. You can take all that money and put it into healthcare if you wish. But at least your taxing the right folks.