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9 proposed names for the new Jessica Cutler Breakfast Cereal

  1. Dirty, Dirty Whore Chex
  2. Ooh, Bang Me in the Pooper, Cap’n! (with nuts and raisins)
  3. Excuse me, but I believe your dick is in my ass Crunch
  4. $400-a-Throw Stinky-O’s
  5. That Ain’t Frosting Flakes
  6. Happy Moistened Beaver Puffs
  7. My-Parents-Are-So-Proud-of-my-Famous-Asshole Krispies
  8. Super Sugar Walls
  9. FrankenJismberry

****

Story here. More here, here, and here.

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update:  “It’s the crunchy, flaky, high-in-calcium nasty!”

More here!

24 Replies to “9 proposed names for the new Jessica Cutler Breakfast Cereal”

  1. That could be the funniest thing that you’ve ever written.

  2. Jeff Goldstein says:

    Is it possible you missed some of my talking scissors bits?

  3. No, but if the talking scissors would have been saying “FrankenJismberry,” they might have qualified.

  4. Ratan says:

    Sung to the tune of Dre Day :

    Wonkette is the pimp that pays me

    Two slut bag hoes fuckin’ like crayzay!

    Gimme six figure book deal baybee

    Me ass love you long time

    Well, not quite, but close enough.

  5. Steve the Llamabutcher says:

    I would only add:

    Total Skank

    Coco Poofs

    Count My Choculas

    Cheery Ho’s

    Raisin Bran Can

    but “Dirty, Dirty Whore Chex” is a work of genius…

  6. SayUncle says:

    Oh dear, this is making the rounds again.  Media whore, indeed.

  7. Scott P says:

    Damn.  I’m going to have to keep a box of Depends by the computer before I load this page the rest of the day.

  8. Joe says:

    I look at Jessica Cutler and think “Nut ‘n’ Raisin, Honey.”

  9. SarahW says:

    Oh, that killed.

  10. Patton says:

    Indeed, that killed, and continues to kill. Might even be the funniest you’ve ever done, though that’s a long, tough hill to climb.

    But there’s no way in hell that’s the first one you’ve ever done that got Bill to laugh.  No way.

  11. First one. I’ve both grimaced and smiled, scratched my head and sighed approvingly … but never laughed.

  12. Walter says:

    Oh, sure, make fun of a ho when you’ve got a Nader ad running on the sidebar. hehe.

  13. Sheesh, ya had to link to Bill’s posting?  Now it will go to his head … oops, I used that word again.

  14. Hmmm, I have no explanation for the garbage that got into that comment.  I mean the garbage other than the garbage that I meant to write …

  15. Paul Zrimsek says:

    What, no Rape-Nuts?

  16. Kate says:

    Cramberry Cuntch

  17. Badger says:

    Silly rabbit…Trix (Tricks) are for round heeled, low self-esteemed, morally casual ass-whores in the greater DC area.  Definitely not for kids…

  18. Badger says:

    Sorry, one more:

    Camel T-Oh’s with Crotchberries…

  19. spongeworthy says:

    Stinky Starfishes

  20. Natalie says:

    I merge two of America’s finest companies for my submission:

    Purina Horchow

    Thank you very much. I’ll be here all week.

  21. tee bee says:

    thanks, Michael [strictly in a sarcastic, wish-I’d-resisted-following-that-link way]. that guy is willis-creepy, and I have to face the fact that I actually agreed with some of the things he said. except for the options crap.

    I think I’ve figured out why I bother with this, when the chick is unattractive and pretty much your average nobody: this is like listening to people talk about “sex in the city;” all of the fun of the hullabaloo over the skank without having to actually witness the skank.

  22. harrison says:

    How did I get here?

  23. Michael says:

    Wow. Do you people never have sex or something?

Comments are closed.