Deadbeat neighbor: Me: Deadbeat neighbor: Me: Deadbeat neighbor: “…Doesn’t get much better than this, does it?” Me: “Stay gold, Ponyboy.”

Deadbeat neighbor: “Whew! Hot enough for you out here?” Me: Deadbeat neighbor: “Stupid question, huh?” Me: “Be thankful I don’t have a gun and a shovel.”

Me: “You know what today is?” Deadbeat neighbor: “Sunday.” Me: “Yes, but do you know what today is the anniversary of…?” Deadbeat neighbor: “…I dunno, last Sunday, maybe?” Me: “Here. Take my newspaper. And put on a shirt, wouldya? Your nipples look like a coupla bearded Raisinettes. It’s creepy.”

Deadbeat neighbor: “Dude, have you gained weight?” Me: “No. I dunno. Why, do I look like I’ve gained weight?” Deadbeat neighbor: “Dude, you’ve gained weight.” Me: “Atkins it is then.” Deadbeat neighbor: “Cool. I’ve got some ribs left over if you’re hungry.”

Deadbeat neighbor: “Humid today, eh?” Me: “Hadn’t noticed.” Deadbeat neighbor: “Trust me, the humidity today is like atmospheric bunting or something…” Me: “You have no idea what bunting is, do you?” Deadbeat neighbor: “Not so much, no.”

Deadbeat neighbor: “So, did you have a happy Memorial Day? I noticed you had the grill going…” Me: “I grilled some all-beef hotdogs, yes. But Memorial Day is not — “ Deadbeat neighbor: ” — grilled some ribs, myself. Rubbed ’em down with a special blend of spices and let ’em sit overnight, then charred the hell out of ’em. Crispy outside, juicy as a ripe peach inside.” Me: ”

Deadbeat neighbor: “Man, you look like hell.” Me: “Thanks.” Deadbeat neighbor: “You should probably put on some pants, too.” Me: “Is that my newspaper?”

Deadbeat neighbor: “So I see where they arrested that evil cleric dude yesterday.” Me: “In England, yes.” Deadbeat neighbor: “He has, like, half an arm and half a face, right?” Me: “Uh huh. Evidently he was playing around with explosives when he should have been praying.” Deadbeat neighbor: “Only you can prevent forest fires, I guess.” Me: “Well, not just me, but I take your point. Which might even have

Deadbeat neighbor: “What you got there?” Me: “I’m putting in an air conditioner.” Deadbeat neighbor: “AC, eh? Fancy…” Me: “Yeah, I live like a king.” Deadbeat neighbor: “You say that sarcastically, but I’d vote for you.” Me: “Well, I’m not sure that’s how monarchies work exactly, but thanks just the same.”

Deadbeat neighbor: “So I read where this Kerry guy is gonna postpone his nomination.” Me: “Looks that way.” Deadbeat neighbor: “And it’s all about money, right?” Me: “It would seem so, yes.” Deadbeat neighbor: “Well, if he needs cash so bad, maybe he should just marry himself some super rich broad and use her money. That’s what I’d do.” Me: “I may have underestimated you, Deadbeat neighbor.”