Merrick:  “I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!” Me:  “Dude.  People are dead in New Orleans.  You understand?  Dead!  How can you think about yourself at a time like this?  Why aren’t you wallowing in guilt and recrimination?  Why aren’t you abasing yourself—if only to show solidarity with those who are so very clearly suffering?” Merrick:  Me: Merrick:  Me: Merrick:  “Uh, I AM A HUMAN BEING…?” Me: “Oh. Right.” Me: ”Man. That’s

Me: “So…” Long:  “What?  Don’t go lookin’ at me, buddy.  I haven’t had my hand in the till for like, seventy years…”

Merrick: “I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!” Me: “Uh huh.  So tell me, what did you think about John Hurt’s performance?” Merrick: “I AM A HUMAN BEING!” Me: “Because I think he really captured your essence, don’t you?” Merrick: “I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!” Me: “Of course, a lot of that was probably Lynch’s direction.  And the makeup.” Merrick: “I AM A HUMAN BEING!” Me: “…And that moist, slurpy noise he

Me: “So. Any new developments in the Plame affair?” Karl Rove’s breakfast burrito: “None that I know of, no.” Me: “Aw c’mon, now.  You mean to tell me you’ve heard nothing new?” Karl Rove’s breakfast burrito: “Well, I hear Cindy Sheehan thinks Paul Wolfowitz, Richard Perle, and Bill Kristol had something to do with it—but then, nobody really takes her all that seriously anymore.” Me: “Except Arianna, you mean.  And

Merrick: “I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!” me: “So you’ve said, yeah.  Tell me—just what is it that you have against animals, anyway?” Merrick: “I AM A HUMAN BEING –!” me: “Actually, you’re more like a big slobbery bean bag chair with eyes, if you want the truth.  But you still haven’t answered my question.” Merrick: “I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!” me: “Uh huh, that’s what I thought.  me: “Hater.”

Merrick:  “I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!” me: “Yes you are.  You’re a Coelacanth.” Merrick:  “I AM A HUMAN BEING!” me: “Or maybe a very large catfish.” Merrick: me: Merrick: me: Merrick:  “I AM NOT A VERY LARGE CATFISH!” me:  “Man, you must really hate the sight of red beans and rice.  And cole slaw.  Am I right?”

Me: “So, did you see where Bob Novak stormed off the set of CNN’s Inside Politics today?” Karl Rove’s breakfast burrito:  “Didn’t catch that, no.” Me: “Yep. Cursed at James Carville, took off his mic, and left the soundstage in a bit of a huff.”* Karl Rove’s breakfast burrito: “How unfortunate.”* Me: “CNN suspended him almost immediately.  And now, John Aravosis at AmericaBlog is floating the theory that Novak’s meltdown,

Me: “So.  What do you think about the idea that the original leaker is Judith Miller—that she is in fact in jail protecting herself as the source?”* Karl Rove’s breakfast burrito: “Again—I’m not at liberty to discuss any of this.” Me: “Well, it seems at least plausible, doesn’t it?—Judy’s upset that Wilson’s self-serving op-ed in the Times undercuts her own Times reporting on Iraq, so she pushes back in such

Merrick:  “I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!” me: “I don’t care.” Merrick:  “I AM A HUMAN BEING!” me: “Whatever.” Merrick:  me: Merrick:  “There’s no reason to be so dismissive about it, you know.” me: “Just wipe your mouth, will you?  You’ve gotten the creme filling from your donut everywhere again.”

Merrick:  “I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!” me:  “So you said, yes.” Merrick:  “I AM A HUMAN BEING!” me:  “Right. No argument from me.” Merrick:  “I AM NOT AN ANIMAL.” me: Merrick: me: Merrick:  “I AM A HUMAN BEI –” me:  “– Okay, now you’re just pissing me off, handsome.”