me: “Wow.” food processor with large crack in top and blown motor: me: “So, should I not have used you to make kindling for the Chiminea, then?” **** update: I’m accepting recommendations for a new processor. But do keep in mind that I am but a few jars of pennies short of that second America where things really, really suck.

If any of the guestposters want to have at it, have at it. If not, that’s cool, too. And remember: this is only an open thread if you make it one.

CEO of grocery chain humiliated in NYT article for using sock puppet to tout company, products: Mr. Mackey used the online handle “Rahodeb” (an anagram of his wife’s name, Deborah). In one Internet posting sure to enter the annals of chief-executive vanity, Mr. Mackey wrote as Rahodeb, “I like Mackey’s haircut. I think he looks cute!” Context provided with anecdote: For high-profile figures, particularly members of political campaigns, sock-puppeting can

The header for protein wisdom proper is 550 x 80 pixels. You can go a little bit wider if need be, but something along those lines would make things easy. The only thing I ask is that the Pub’s slogan — “Okay, so maybe just about anybody can summarize the news. Who knew…?” (or something along those lines) — appear somewhere in the design. The winner will receive lavish praise.

In a People puff piece (I guess that’s redundant), no mention made of Al, Jr. It appears to have been rather a lavish affair: The youngest of Al Gore’s three daughters, Sarah Gore, 28, married businessman Bill Lee in Beverly Hills on Saturday, family spokesperson Kalee Kreider confirms to PEOPLE. The bride, who is taking her husband’s last name, wore a gown by Monique Lhuillier at the wedding, which took

Alien biologists returned for Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid today, cryptically stating only that more testing is required. UNRELATED: She tumbles for you BREAKING: Emperor of Colorado assassinated I would have read this, too, but it took too long to load

Today, surging Presidential Contender Dave Burge made official what some of us have suspected all along: Jeff Goldstein is his choice for running-mate. For reasons that we’ve already outlined at length, we think this is the optimal choice.* As Burge puts it: As my Vice President, Jeff will preside over the US Senate, lead policy initiatives, and act as my personal anti-assassination insurance policy. I want to congratulate Jeff, and

Some of these things, insofar as they relate to legal maneuverings, must necessarily remain cryptic. But others — such as my desire to pamper myself with a nice walnut oil body massage from a trio of topless Brazilian women (noon-1:30), or my plans to use advanced nanotech to create a squadron of “mites” that will seek out and kill that one uppity brown spider who keeps biting me in my

From the WaPo:  A Georgia man is scheduled to be executed by lethal injection on Tuesday for killing a police officer in 1989, even though the case against him has withered in recent years as most of the key witnesses at his trial have recanted and in some cases said they lied under pressure from police. Prosecutors discount the significance of the recantations and argue that it is too late

A couple of commenters have obliquely alluded to the strange and disturbing practice of “furring,” which is described by Metro.co.uk this way: Forget dogging – the new sex craze is ‘furring’. The practice sees people dressing up in giant teddy bear or other outfits and meeting in woodlands and forests for sex. Participants – sometimes called ‘furverts’ – also dress as rabbits, squirrels or cartoon characters. One furry – known