eg. “Is that your dickey?” “Yes, that dickey belongs to me.”

A not-so-heated exchange in line at Pep Boys, Saturday, May 8: Tall man with a ponytail: “First off, we shouldn’t even be in Iraq. In fact, we shouldn’t be in the middle east, period. What we should be doing is minding our own business and putting all the money we give to our corrupt military industrial complex into education programs for the poor and underprivileged –“ Short man: “– Who

Boyle: “Jews, spics, niggers, and now a girl…?”*

From Bloomberg News: U.K. Defence Secretary Geoff Hoon said there are signs that photographs the Daily Mirror published purporting to show British soldiers abusing Iraqi prisoners may be fake. “There are strong indications that the vehicle in which the photographs were taken was not in Iraq during the relevant period,” Hoon told members of Parliament in London. The photos showed troops urinating on an Iraqi in the back of a

Quatro: ” — No, it was Roz Kelly who played ‘Pinky.’ I played ‘Leather Tuscadero,’ the chick who used to bang Chachi. Last I heard, Roz was in a California prison for clubbing her boyfriend over the back with a cane. Which reminds me: those Iraqi prison photos are pretty disturbing, huh…?”

Scientific conclusion: women should stay at home and cook for me.

“For comedian Alan King, nobody was out of bounds when it came to humor. Not even the queen of England.” Once, after performing for Queen Elizabeth II in London, King was introduced to Britain’s monarch, who asked him, “How do you do, Mr. King?” “How do you do, Mrs. Queen?” he quickly replied. “She stared at me, and then Prince Philip laughed,” King would recall afterward. “Thank God Prince Philip

I was robbed. ‘s all I’m saying.

Michael Moore, in a phone call to the quantum physics lab, Canberra’s Australian National University, May 9: “Forget all that ‘lasers and crystals’ technical junk. What I need to know is, can it make cheeseburgers materialize on the arm of a recliner? Because if so I want 6, all with bacon and onions, like, yesterday…”

William Safire, writing in today’s New York Times: Torture is both unlawful and morally abhorrent. But what about gathering intelligence from suspected or proven terrorists by codified, regulated, manipulative interrogation? Information thus acquired can save thousands of lives. Will we now allow the pendulum to swing back to “name, rank, serial number,” as if suspected terrorists planning the bombing of civilians were uniformed prisoners of war obeying the rules of