A not-so-heated exchange in line at Pep Boys, Saturday, May 8:
Tall man with a ponytail: “First off, we shouldn’t even be in Iraq. In fact, we shouldn’t be in the middle east, period. What we should be doing is minding our own business and putting all the money we give to our corrupt military industrial complex into education programs for the poor and underprivileged –“
Short man: “– Who is ‘we’?”
Tall man with a ponytail: “Beg your pardon?”
Me: “He asked if you wouldn’t mind taking that air filter you just bought and sticking it up your ass. Please.”
You were too hard on him. Why, just look at the wonderful job our public schools have done with the money that we’ve given them! Sure, we’ve doubled the spending per student in inflation-adjusted dollars over the past thirty years, but look at the benefits! Okay, students get promoted into and out of high school without being able to read, find Germany on a map, or construct a proper sentence, but they have a more holistic, less judgmental approach, and that’s the most important thing, right?
Jeff. You’re a father now and shouldn’t take risks like that. The tall man might have had a gun in his pocket and unless you are a martial arts black belt, you might want to be a bit more circumspect in the future.
Why are you eating junk food?
Jeff, I’m shocked at your rudeness. Couldn’t you have offered him assistance in his filter/rectal inversion ? Wouldn’t you get a greater sense of accomplishment if you actually applied the filtering device to the source of all that hot air yourself ?
‘Cause ya know, Jeff, here in the comments, we’re all about your personal development.
What a typical gutless right-wing looney you are! Since you cannot offer anything of substance, you regress to symbolic violenace (since you’re obviously stuck in the anal stage of development, you’re probably too pansy-ass for real violence. In fact, I’d bet $20 the “stick it up your ass” comment came when the gentleman in question was well out of earshot).
Symbolic “violenace”? Say what now?
Violenace.
It’s one of them newfangled bushitler words.
Most people expect that it’s got something to do with ‘violence’, but nothing could be farther from the truth.
Actually, it refers to that feeling of dread you have when you hear the sound a viola makes when it’s smashed on a sensitive ponytail.
We now return you to you regularly scheduled life, already in progress.
Are proper nouns allowed in your list of words that just sound funny? Because Fram sounds damned funny. Fram fram fram. Lovely Fram, wonderful Fram.
violenace: n To invite another to insert a stringed, wooden musical instrument into their rectum. Sideways.