To resuscitate an overdosing dolphin, inject 0.5 ml Epinephrine just under his left lateral flipper at an angle approximating 40 degrees using a large, equine dosing syringe. Just like they do in the movies. Should you lack Epinephrine and an equine dosing syringe, however, try splashing the dolphin with really cold water and yelling “sharks” at the top of your lungs. No promises there, though.
April 4, 2005
Another moment of unabashed pragmatism
You know what? You don’t have to post anything. I mean, if it’s no longer fun, it’s no longer fun. **** update: Of course, it could be fun again in an hour or so. I’m fractious like that.
April 4, 2005
“The yin and yang of intimate interpersonal relationships post, 6” (from the protein wisdom conceptual series)
yin: “How come most of the players have soft hats on, while a few of the others are wearing helmets?” yang: “Shut up.”
April 4, 2005
Celebrity-suckling gadfly and Bill Maher Thursday hump Arianna Huffington to launch political web site
From Variety: In a move unlikely only because it’s taken this long to happen, pundit-about-town Arianna Huffington is extending her hosting largess to the blogosphere. This month the wannabe California governor is launching a Slate-like Web site where a cast of bigwigs, including Sen. Jon Corzine (D-N.J.), David Geffen, Barry Diller, Larry David, Tom Freston, Ari Emanuel, Jim Wiatt, Tina Brown and Harold Evans will each have their own blog
April 4, 2005
The Opening Day poem
To hell with the peanuts and Cracker Jacks, man! Poppa wants an eight-dollar Budweiser, and some of them tasty plastic-trayed nachos—the ones with the jalapeno pepper slices and the ladle-ful of warmed-up Cheez-Wiz.
April 3, 2005
Scenes from my driveway, continued x 55
Deadbeat neighbor: “Man, what a gorgeous day, eh?” : Deadbeat neighbor: “So gorgeous, in fact, that you probably don’t want to be standing around with me, talking about how gorgeous it is…” : Deadbeat neighbor: “…which would explain why you took off running the second you saw me, I guess.”
April 2, 2005
Heading off to Longmont in a little while…
…to look at a house. Not to buy it, mind you. But to gawk at it—like some depraved real estate voyeur. I am Alain Robbe-Grillet with a working knowledge of debt-to-income ratio and a secret lust for well-made screen doors. Pray for my soul.
April 1, 2005
Overheard at Blockbuster Video, Friday, April 1
short guy in watch cap: “Aren’t you getting anything?” guy in windbreaker: “No. I hate movies.” short guy in watch cap: “What do you mean you ‘hate movies’? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” guy in windbreaker: “Yeah, you’re right. Truth is, I don’t have the four bucks.” short guy in watch cap: guy in windbreaker “Fucking Greenspan.”
April 1, 2005
Another moment of unabashed pragmatism
Confronted by the choice of shaved turkey or roast beef, I had a little of each—rolled in a low-carb wrap and joined by a Claussen dill pickle spear and some raw cauliflower.
April 1, 2005
Pope John Paul II Dead at 84
Vicar of Rome will recite rosary at St. Peter’s Square at 2 pm EST (via Fox / Sky Italia; not yet confirmed by the Vatican). **** update: Vatican sources saying the Pope is still alive, but very near death.