To resuscitate an overdosing dolphin, inject 0.5 ml Epinephrine just under his left lateral flipper at an angle approximating 40 degrees using a large, equine dosing syringe. Just like they do in the movies.
Should you lack Epinephrine and an equine dosing syringe, however, try splashing the dolphin with really cold water and yelling “sharks” at the top of your lungs. No promises there, though.
Half a mil will kill the bastard. But that’s what you’re after, right?
http://www.roadsideamerica.com/pet/flipper.html
What’s the matter, plastic six-pack rings and tuna nets not manly enough for ya?
Or you could try grilling a salmon steak right by his snout. They’re suckers for salmon, don’t forget the lemon and tartar sauce (although, I personally would never desecrate salmon with tartar).
Alternatively, you could crank the “Jaws” theme on your 8-track…
Grab him by the lapels of his pea coat and shake the bastard awake.
Porpoise, the other other white meat.
Wouldn’t the dosage depend on what exactly the dolphin was ODing on? A-and how much of it?
I’d stick with a little strong coffee. But I’m conservative that way.
Sean: precisely. If he’s ODing on meth, the Ep will kill the sucker. But I suspect that’s what this animal-molester Goldstein is all about.
Well, whatever the dolphin’s on, it sounds like he hay have succumbed to…Doper’s Greed!
(“It’s the most disgustin’ thing I ever seed!”)
The need to resuscitate the dolphin is really a metaphor for the need to reinvigorate Jeff’s desire to post if you read the SUBTEXT. But then again it could just be about shooting up dolphins.
What if the dolphin didn’t speak English? I mean, isn’t it being pretty darn presumptious to think that a dolphin would speak English. Unless, you know, he was maybe related to Flipper or something.
I gotta go with Attila Girl on this one.. Strong Coffee.. preferably Espresso.. a good Italian roast.. with lots of raw sugar.. Dont bother trying to pour it in his mouth, it’ll just spill out.. instead, get a funnel and stick it in his blow hole and pour 3 or 4 single shots down. That should have him up and talking his ass of in moments… Now thats for smack OD of course.. for Meth OD substitute red wine (the cheap house wine is best)..
Gimmee whatever’s in those red pills.
But…but…I thought Ricky Williams quit the Dolphins?
Maybe a new Dusty Girl, could get him up.
shark, shark, shark, shark, tuna net!!
Do the same instructions work for porpoise, Orcas and other toothed whales ? I mean, yelling ‘shark’ at a Killer Whale doesnt seem like it would have the same shock value.. and how ‘bout porpoise ? Do they even drink espresso ? I need to know cuz I’ve had Shamu passed out on my porch after a long night of drinking, bar hopping & sushi.. and I shook him by his lapels, yelled ‘shark’ in his ear, poured Sanka down his blow hole by the pot.. and no dice.. I even tried telling him that that hot little Orcette Keiko was waiting for him outside.. He just snored, mumbled something and rolled over. Finally I just said ‘to hell with it’ and let him sleep..but sometime during the night he got up and peed in my trash compactor.. So next time that happens I wanna know how to get rid of him… To hell with that ’friends dont let friends drive drunk’ crap… he’s on his own.
Froggy’s dolphin can be revived by yelling “hand job!” Come to think of it, you could whisper it.
Humans only think they’re the most intelligent species on the planet. Actually they’re third, after mice and dolphins. Of course, any self respecting dolphin understands English.
Well, “mice,” really.
the ideal agent is motivated as well as resourceful
Devoured the entire thread. Funniest damn thing I’ve ever read.
You, Sir Goldstein, are a master of the trade.
And yes, I blog rolled ya…for what it’s worth!