Due to the tearing up and reseeding of the front lawn, a colony of ants has been uprooted and is seeking vengeance by invading my house. Bastards! But (BUT!) mentally fortified by a few daquiris, I figured out how to beat the pismires. I painted the foyer with marshmallow fluff! Quagmire!!
You little f*ckers, I have 3 weeks to finish the script for the pilot to the Cannibal Pirate Midget show, or the deal’s off! Eat fluff and die, bitches! ‘Scuse me while I mix another daquiri.
UPDATE: Mendacity!!!
UPDATE x2: Massively parallel processing, but I HAVE KEROSENE.
I’m betting on the ants…afterall they’re “thinking two or three moves ahead of you already”
Don’t bet against the horoscope.
With your own money, anyway.
I have KEROSENE.
I use something called Omnitox. Applied like Amdro and it works. I don’t know if it is available there.
Not sure how good kerosene tastes in a daquiri, but hey I’d try it if I had it
Oxicontin. Check. Thanks, Bill.
BTW, foyer is Frog for fire, right?
Cannibal midgets ?! I am terrified, fucking petrified, of midgets and clowns. A cannibal midget clown would send me to an early grave.
Dude, kerosene daquiris and oxycontin?
I am soooo not in the big leagues.
I’m sitting here with bourbon and benadryl.
Cannibal Midget Clown Pirates!! Brilliant!!
And they’re all mimes! Script’s done!
Anything with orange oil in it should work. I usually buy an orange oil containing cleanser and pour a small drip line on the crack between the house & the patio to keep the ants out of the cat food bowls in the summer time.
Not sure about orange-oil-cleanser daquiris though.
Cannibal Midget Clown Pirates. Thanks a fucking lot. The only way I will sleep tonight is with a double dose of Xanex and Ambien. And Dan, when I visit my therapist next week, you can be damn certain that your name will play a prominent role in our discussion.
Every time I see a mime, I get this nearly overwhelming urge to either kick a kitten, or punch somebody that acts like they are trapped inside an imaginary box.
Are they named after great Renaissance artists?
McG – Dare I even ask what names you have in mind ?
You could have the members of the Fine Young Cannibals as the cast of the modern fusion of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and Peter Pan, with the Oompa Loompa’s (source of my phobia) all having hooks for arms, peg legs, and eye patches, travelling around with 40 of them piled into a VW Bug clowncar.
JD–
Sorry, man, but Tim Burton and David Lynch are waiting on my script!
Speaking of marshmallow fluff … I once ate an entire jar of fluff, with a spoon, in one sitting. My stomach was not right for days.
JD. Please tell me that you’re not an ant.
The clown in ‘It’ , is pretty scary . Those Oompa Loompa’s , on the other hand , are fucking terrifying …… good thing Willy keeps the little bastards out of the sewers tho .
Dan – standing 6’3” and 210 pounds, I am the biggest ant you would ever want to see. And it can all be traced back to a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So, how does a colony of ants react after they are all hopped up on sugar ?
Your answer lies at the nearest Chuckee Cheese .
Chuckee has sugar in his pants?
Marshmallow fluff is good, but for a sustainable quagmire, and I know you wouldn’t want any other sort, you need to introduce some enemy ants into the equation. Red ants are hard to identify (very secretive) and even harder to come by these days, but there is a ready supply of pissants.
“Protein Wisdom: Like Marshmallow Fluff to Pissants!”